Ex's new partner changing her name after 4 months

[Steffani87]

So my ex husband and I have been separated since January and two weeks after separated he announced he was seeing someone a week later she met my children without me being informed after asking to be, to support the children. After a month of knowing eachother they got engaged. He has now moved in with her and paid for her to change her surname to his.
Is this normal? After only 4 months of knowing eachother she calls him her husband and yet while doing the financial disclosure for our divorce he has no declared them moving in or them getting engaged nothing on his form it is like she doesn't exist.
I just wondered if this was normal behaviour or a scorned man or if this is just as crazy as I think it is

I think this does seem deranged. Having said that, my husband moved in with me 2 weeks after meeting and I was pregnant within 6 months! But we had both been single for years and were not tied up in divorce proceedings. We also met through long term mutual friends and grew up in the same areas so there was a sense that we already ‘got’ one another. He does have a DD who I met after about 4 months. It’s not been easy all the time but nor are many relationships.

With your ex the red flag is not just the moving fast, but the doing so before his emotions about your marriage are resolved, with someone he met online, getting kids involved early and the whole deed poll thing. Ultimately you ended the marriage and therefore relinquished any right to have a say in his affairs beyond him not abusing or neglecting your children. It isn’t great parenting but he is entitled to introduce your DCs to whoever he likes. Your only recourse is to disengage - in all likelihood it won’t last, and if it does you should want it to be a happy relationship as that’s in the bests interests of your children.

He's latched on to the first available woman as a rebound after your separation. He's got company and sex on tap. However she's a desperate cling on and he's doing whatever she wants so that he can keep that sex and company. It sounds like a bad joke and they're best just left to it. The 'relationship' will be messy then it'll end.

Very bizarre. It's very odd to change your surname when not married. She sounds quite possessive.

This

I’m my experience ex’s do all kinds of bizarre things and it did seem it was done to get to me. Remarried someone with 5 children and was her 4th husband. This from a guy who never spent time with his own kids. He’s about 13 women in now and this will
continue for another decade until his 70s. All this coupled up look how fast we are moving along bullshit it just that…bullshit. I waited over 10 yrs to remarry and I’m financially safe and sound and very luckily met DH. Ignore them and all their shenanigan's and as Pp said…focus on your dc wellbeing when with you and when with him.

Sounds like he doesn't want to look after the kids on his own...

It's completely batshit tbh.

I would try to find something that will act as proof to a court of the engagement and ideally living together as that can affect asset distribution. Texts, Facebook posts about engagement etc.

Other then that my only concern would be the potential harm to the kids as this isn't a normal relationship and I would ensure I was proactive about talking to the kids about their time there, digging deeper with any worrying things.

Also yes about pp about school and shared name issues. If ex gives new partner permission to pick up the children then there's not much you can do about that, you may however need to be careful about decision making things and that school are aware of the conflict and who actually has parental responsibility.

otherwise ignore the batshittery.

Could she be pregnant? As they can’t get married yet maybe this is a way for them to all have the same name?

Buy popcorn but get on with your own life. He's been cut loose. As long as it doesn't impact on your life you can let him get on with his

He was most definitely seeing her before your split………..my ex hooked up with someone very shortly after I walked out. It confirmed my suspicions that he was seeing her months before we separated………..he had been observed going to her home many many times, I didn’t bother to challenge him because I knew he would deny it.

I'd stay well out of it!

Maybe he's the love of her life, and they finally found each other and will live happily ever after

Maybe she's a complete psycho and they'll have broken up in 2 weeks 😂

Not worth your time or energy to think about them

All sounds nuts. The name change reminds me of those threads by women whose boyfriends won't propose "don't believe in marriage" but who suggest that she change her surname to his (as if that were the important thing). So, FWIW, this gives him less incentive to actually marry her once he's legally free to do so.

Not so weird. I know someone who did so she could have the same surname as her children. I also know someone else who wants to get married mainly just to have the same surname. When I said, how about a deed poll, she replied that a basic registry office wedding costs about the same.

I'm not saying I agree with any of these things, women can keep their names and children can have their mothers' names, just pointing out that it does happen.

I think you have to pay to change your name by deed poll.

Not really. There are companies who will charge a small fee to produce an official-looking document for you, but essentially a deed poll is just a written declaration.

She can call him her husband on SM all she likes - as a matter of legal fact, he is not her husband. It also doesn’t matter legally what her name is - anyone can change their name as often as they like, as long as it is not done with the intent to deceive.

He is your husband. Estranged, yes. But not your ex-husband until your divorce is finalised.

I would check with your solicitor whether any of this (her name change, him moving in and not putting it on the form - any of it) is relevant to your divorce.

if it isn’t then roll your eyes and leave them to it. You have your children and your new life to see to.

No, not at all. Deed poll is just fancy wording for a declaration that you'll be known as Jane Smith not Jane Brown. Plenty of companies charge, but there is a free option.

This.
But it doesn’t matter now, it’s his business and only affects you in relation to the kids.

It says here it's 50.32 if you want to be able to change your name on official documents.
https://www.gov.uk/change-name-deed-poll

That's for the "enrolled" deed poll, which afaik there is effectively no point to. You can change your name everywhere with a non-enrolled one. I think the enrolled thing is a historical vestige of something.

Listen to Mel robins “let them”. So relevant here!

He met someone else and is engaged. Let him.

He moved her in and changed her name. Let him.

They want to get married asap. Let them.

She wants to call him her husband. Let her.

The only part you really need to speak up about is where this behaviour affects your kiddos.

When you hear this shit, take a breath and turn your focus back to you and your wonderful kids.

I can assure you I used this website and it was free
https://freedeedpoll.org.uk/

Maybe, but I wouldn't trust the other kind. Yes, in the old days, you didn't need anything to change your name in the UK. You could just say you were doing so, but then if your papers don't match I can foresee problems.