Ex buying me out - can I stipulate the house goes to the children

[happytue]

My ex is buying me out of the house. He will give me a lump sum.
I want to make sure the children inherit the house in the event of his death, and want to protect the house even if he remarries.
are There any legal ways to do this? Not a will I guess because that can change?

He can put the house in a trust, the same as he can make a will, but it’s all his decision as he owns it.

And what will you be leaving them?

The thing is, you are selling your interest in the asset. If you don't feel you are getting enough for it, then don't sell it to him.

given it's 'complicated' & you haven't said how, we can't really help.

if you put it in trust for the children then you do that, but he doesn't buy you out, so where will you live?

you can't sell you share then expect to dictate what he does with it.

you build up your assets again to leave to your children, that's all the control you have.

The only way for you to keep some control over the house is to retain part ownership of it but then it means you won’t get any money from it.

Bear in mind the timescales. Even he doesn't remarry for 10 years a future wife could live in the house for 40 plus years. How would it be fair for her not to inherit it. And what about any children he may have with her. They will also be entitled to a share.

Make sure you control what you earn, make, keep and leave the children. Dont rely on anyone else.

He could go on to have multiple more children, with various wives and girlfriends.

He could fall out with his children with you, disown them, they might go NC with him for some reason.

You have no control over any of that, only what you earn and save and therefore leave them in your will. Dont re marry.

Thank you all for speaking some sense into my head. I wasn’t sure if I was being unreasonable or not. I will not push for this in the settlement anymore.

That specific house or any old house?

You're essentially demanding that he has to retain the house, can't move if he needs to move for work, can't downsize as he gets older and can't use the asset to fund care if he needs it. Would you be willing to do the same? YABVU

It sounds very alarming that you're not getting a fair share of the equity in the house, and unusual if the children are residing with you more ( though you don't state this). Have you obtained independent legal advice separate from your ex?

If he is buying you out (I guess the trade-off is you keeping your pension) you can’t specify how that asset is used in the future. He may need to sell it for nursing home fees for example.

You can not guarantee inheritance for children especially as none of us can predict our future needs. There are plenty of inheritance threads on MN. Inheritance is nice to have but people change.

My father blew the lot in his old age and didn’t leave a penny to even cover his funeral costs. He was actually renting his final home and didn’t own it as we assumed.

What are you intending to do with the money you receive from being bought out?

Could she make his putting it in a trust a condition of her agreement to the settlement?

I wouldnt agree to that if I was him.

You could give him a lifetime interest on your half and then leave your half to your kids

Totally wrong. In that scenario the Trust owns the asset and the Trustees could choose to sell and buy another property. What he can’t do is sell the house and spend the proceeds on himself.

OP, if you are getting divorced, it means (as the judge said to my ex) becoming as strangers to each other. He may be the father of your children, but you can’t tie his hands over what he does with his house any more than he can tell you what to do with yours. None of you has a crystal ball - he may remarry; in the fullness of time, it may be that either he or his new wife need care and the house has to be sold anyway. It’s just a house - I’m sure he will remember his children in his will, but he may eventually have stepchildren or even more children of his own - how fair would it be to cut them out of the will? Don’t make life unnecessarily complicated for either of you.

Read the update she keeping most of her pension he’s getting more equity of the house
she said it evens out

shes not getting ripped off
if she wants more of the house the she needs him a chunk of her pension

He can write a will after he marries to ensure it goes to his children though.

OP you need to understand that if he buys you out of the marital home then it becomes his home. He could remarry or have more children. You can't rely on him leaving it to your children unless you have some legal agreement before you sell to him.

No, you can’t dictate what he does with his will. The house - once owned entirely by him - is his asset just like his car, bank accounts etc. to do what he wants with. If he gets a new partner, he may decide to leave it to them. Best thing you can do is provide for your children in your own will, don’t co-habit again without a co-habitation agreement in place and a will leaving your interest to your children (and own the house as tenants in common, not joint tenants, to ensure this is possible), and if ex does look after the kids in his will then so much the better. But you can’t force him to.

He can, but she can't.

Yes, am aware of that, but OP states that it's unfair and therefore I was seeking clarification that she had obtained independent legal advice.

And those suggesting trusts - taxation on trusts is complicated and can be expensive so is not really worth the bother unless the value of whatever is in the trust is very high. For most normal people living in a normal house the tax would make this disadvantageous to all concerned

I know, I didn’t suggest she could. My point was just that it isn’t ‘likely’ the house would go to his wife if he remarries, unless he wants it to. My dad remarried but the house goes to me in his will. He amended his will after he married to make sure of it.

Would it not be easier for him to buy you out for a fair amount, but to defer payment of part of the purchase price (say 15%) for a couple of years until he can afford it and agree together that this money will be put on trust for the kids when they're 18?