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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Ex buying me out - can I stipulate the house goes to the children

73 replies

happytue · 26/05/2025 18:44

My ex is buying me out of the house. He will give me a lump sum.
I want to make sure the children inherit the house in the event of his death, and want to protect the house even if he remarries.
are There any legal ways to do this? Not a will I guess because that can change?

OP posts:
Redrosesposies · 26/05/2025 18:45

No

TomatoSandwiches · 26/05/2025 18:46

No you have no say over it once he's bought you out, that will be his asset to do with as he chooses.

Octavia64 · 26/05/2025 18:46

No you can’t do this.

if he buys you out, then he owns it. It’s then his choice what to do with it.

DysmalRadius · 26/05/2025 18:46

You'd have to buy him out to have a say in what happens to the house.

Linked · 26/05/2025 18:46

I don’t think you can as he will fully own the house. You will have no legal right to dictate what he does with it upon his death.

TomatoSandwiches · 26/05/2025 18:47

I'm assuming you are in England?

Original poster
happytue · 26/05/2025 18:51

Yes in England.
he’s agreed to it as he does genuinely also want the children to have the house.
he’s buying me out but I’m not getting a fair share out of it so it’s a bit complex.
I guess it’s only on his own goodwill that it doesn’t accidentally go to someone else..

OP posts:
Original poster
happytue · 26/05/2025 18:52

We discussed with the lawyer and she said it was unusual but we could put the house in a trust or something
seems like it is unusual so maybe I’m being unreasonable!
I just really want the house to go to the children 😢

OP posts:
KnickerlessParsons · 26/05/2025 18:52

If he remarries the house would most likely go to his wife.

once he’s bought you out you can’t stipulate what happens to the house - it’s not your house. He could agree and then change his will and you’d know nothing about it.

EllasNonny · 26/05/2025 18:52

No. My DB wanted his DD to inherit his half of their house when they split. He realised she needed a home so left his share of the equity in the home. His half somehow goes to his DD if the house is ever sold or anything happens to the ex.

Original poster
happytue · 26/05/2025 18:53

We are very amicable now but who knows when he remarries everything will go out the window. I just want to protect my children

OP posts:
Barbiewhirl · 26/05/2025 18:53

Sadly once hes bought you out he can do as he pleases with it.

Imgoingoutforawhile · 26/05/2025 18:54

Are they his children too? I’m unclear on this

TomatoSandwiches · 26/05/2025 18:54

If you want to protect your children then you need to get your fair share, buy whatever you can with it and make a will leaving it to them.

You can't rely on their father, even if he's amicable now you know how quickly they change when a new woman comes along.

MrsSunshine2b · 26/05/2025 18:55

No, you don't get to dictate who your ex's property goes to on his death.

DurinsBane · 26/05/2025 18:55

KnickerlessParsons · 26/05/2025 18:52

If he remarries the house would most likely go to his wife.

once he’s bought you out you can’t stipulate what happens to the house - it’s not your house. He could agree and then change his will and you’d know nothing about it.

I don’t know about likely. It all depends on what his will says….

millymollymoomoo · 26/05/2025 18:55

No
once it’s I’m his it’s his to do as he pleases as are you with your assets

he can, if he chooses write a will that leaves it to his children in the event of remarriage

Original poster
happytue · 26/05/2025 18:56

Yes they are his children too.

is there not an option to put the house in a trust?

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 26/05/2025 18:56

I mean you could put the house in a trust etc etc.

trusts are quite expensive, and honestly unless this is a thirteenth century castle that’s been the family home since then it’s a bit much.

it would mean that if he needs to move to benefit the children - say they go to secondary that is further away or want to do course at sixth form that is quite rare and only a few colleges do - then he has to stay put, he can’t sell it and Mo e somewhere else.

MrsSunshine2b · 26/05/2025 18:56

DurinsBane · 26/05/2025 18:55

I don’t know about likely. It all depends on what his will says….

Show quote history

Marriage invalidates any former wills so it's irrelevant what his will says if he's planning to remarry.

MrsSunshine2b · 26/05/2025 18:57

happytue · 26/05/2025 18:56

Yes they are his children too.

is there not an option to put the house in a trust?

He can put his house in trust. You can't put his house in trust or make him do so.

Whatsgoingonherethenagain · 26/05/2025 18:57

No.

my brother was in the same situation. His ex “bought” him out, but for way less than the value of the house. He got less than 10% of the value because that’s all she could get a mortgage for.

she’s since married her affair partner so who knows. She could leave it to him, he did get an inheritance which they used to do up the house, and she still only works part time so presumably he has a claim on the house anyway, even if he’s not on the deeds/mortgage. So she may not be able to leave the whole value to the kids if he has rights to the equity.

where are you living? Will you not have somewhere to leave to your kids? I bought my own house and will be leaving that, so doesn’t matter what the kids dad does.

Original poster
happytue · 26/05/2025 18:58

Octavia64 · 26/05/2025 18:56

I mean you could put the house in a trust etc etc.

trusts are quite expensive, and honestly unless this is a thirteenth century castle that’s been the family home since then it’s a bit much.

it would mean that if he needs to move to benefit the children - say they go to secondary that is further away or want to do course at sixth form that is quite rare and only a few colleges do - then he has to stay put, he can’t sell it and Mo e somewhere else.

thank you, that’s good to know
sadly it’s not a 13 century castle
i guess I will just have to make do with his word

OP posts:
Nametobechanged · 26/05/2025 18:58

I wouldn’t rely on anything he promises now. I’m sure at the moment, with no other dependents, he fully intends to leave the house to your children.

It’s possible he will remarry though, have stepchildren or more of his own children. You could argue it wouldn’t be fair in those situations to leave his main asset solely to his children from his first marriage.

Original poster
happytue · 26/05/2025 19:00

Yes I guess i will just have to leave my place to them
the point is that it was our marital home
he will be left with the bulk of the equity
and I get about 35%
I keep most of my pension
I guess it all evens out
I just really want the house to go to the kids, and he agrees

OP posts: