Are stay at home mums “unemployed”

[Protectmydaughter]

I only ask as my daughter is getting divorced and her husband’s lawyer has referred to her as unemployed rather than acknowledge her homemaking role; this feels so belittling. Are we being over sensitive? What do others think?

Attending events at your child’s school isn’t a chore. Many working parents would love to have the chance.

How do you work from home if you have 2 under 2 full time? No wonder employers want people back in the office.

From what I’ve seen:

• Delegating to nurseries/child minders/nannies/relatives.
• Using breakfast clubs or after school clubs or both.
• Working from home/remotely/flexibly, often both doing this for even greater flexibility to cover illness/school runs etc.

Not everyone has 2 sets of retired GPs on tap. Not everybody can WFH, some couples neither have any option for that type of flexibility. They have to be physically in their workplace at all times.

Yes, I am a solicitor, work well beyond the hours of 8-3, manage my own time and WFH for most of it.

Feed and school?

I have 3 under 3.

They go to nursery but for school like hours because DH and I flex around each other and I have the vast majority of control over my diary which means I can almost always avoid early morning meetings or 3-4pm meetings. If it's unavoidable then DH is almost always available.

I do some work in the morning before they wake up and then after they are in bed.

How tedious to phrase it like that…
keeping you in a job lol
oh cheers for that luv..carry on!

As I said, no wonder employers want people back in the office and you don't do everything a SAHM would do as they would be looking after then through the day too.

Not everyone has that flexibility, so you don't need to abuse women who end up deciding to stay at home because they have less flexible/more demanding jobs.

Well the government is pushing universal free breakfast clubs, so clearly thinks all children should eat breakfast at school…it will be dinner next too if they had their way trust me! Some children do eat the majority of their meals out of the house, I know people who say their Childminder or Nursery does tea. Not saying you personally do, or that they shouldn’t, up to them. But a SAHP has no need to outsource any meal, obviously.

Yes I absolutely hate the term
‘full time mum’ or ‘full time mummy’ (heave)

we are all full time mums , job or no job sigh.,..

In terms of schooling, mine currently attend a state school, purely because it is excellent (I’ve scrutinised everything myself as a Governor to be 100% and hold leaders fully to account).

If at any moment I am dissatisfied, I have complete flexibility to transport my children to any other school, or to home-educate full time, as we are both qualified teachers.

I certainly have never felt reliant on school, and would pull the plug if it wasn’t in my child’s best interests to attend.

You do know that the majority of working parents do feed their own children and send them to school? And what’s more, in this part of the UK, all children, including those with sahm, get free school lunches until P5.

It would be great if all children could have the option of eating breakfast at school for free.

You know this is not about denigrating SAHM's meal prep but about setting up disadvantaged children for the school day because so many of them were going to school hungry and weren't able to focus as a result.

I think you are seeing things through a somewhat defensive lens.

Quite

My employer encourages flexibility, especially once you reach a certain level and have proven yourself.

Where have I abused women who decide to be a SAHM?

Oh I absolutely love attending everything, hence why I’m a SAHM instead of a teacher denied the right to see my own children in anything. My DH is a teacher and will get to see 45 mins of one event, that’s it. I mention this as an example of what this horrible husband’s soon to be ex-wife has been busy doing that he probably hasn’t. Keeping his children happy that somebody is there to cheer them on. I fully support all working parents the right to time off to see these things too BTW.

I said not all, ‘some’. I know people who tell me they only eat dinner as a family 1 or 2 weeknights, and leave the house to commute before breakfast, so childminder does it. It’s an outright lie to say ‘some’ parents don’t do this? 🤦🏻‍♀️

No it wouldn’t, we’d never use this, why should young children have an even longer day out of their own home? We adore eating breakfast as a family. They are at school working hard for long enough. Yes, for a child in genuine poverty it’s great, but the government is pushing this to get parents back to work. Well it’s been a resounding failure at our school- we were chosen to trial it, and there’s only a handful who attended anyway before, so it likely won’t continue as parents aren’t interested.

Yes, and I know sahm whose DC eat at their grandparents most nights. So you and I both know some families who eat out of the home - hurrah.

The point is, working parents generally feed and school their children. Regardless of that earlier post, you don’t need a sahm to arrange this.

Nailed it

If you'd never use it then simply don't use it. Do you think your DC would be dragged kicking and screaming or something?

You can't suggest that two full time working parents is anything less than ideal. They just won't listen to any suggestion that staying at home can be valuable.

Dig a little deeper and they are always working a "full time" job that finishes at 3, have a partner who only works 4 days a week, work from home, have grandparents down the road.

But what works for them because of their privilege has to work for everyone else.

Even if you and your partner regularly finish work at 9, start at 8, work weekends, have no family nearby. I work full time and so wish I could be at home for my children. They'd be far better off but we can't work out how to afford it.

Errr yes of course she is unemployed

We don’t, and actually my DH, who likes to cook our children breakfast and discuss their day with them before heading out very early to own full-time job, highly disagrees with it. He loves that time with them as he can never do the school run.

The government are dishonest. They make out it’s for children who are hungry- that’s a lie, or it would simply be means-tested. Children have a right to spend some time in their own homes with their own families instead of being hurried out of the door at the crack of dawn! Children are never considered by the government.

@KatMansfield6

Did you ever consider that other working parents are like you too? They can see how staying at home would be better for their family but can’t afford it? That’s my experience. Saying working parents ‘aren’t listening’ is wrong. I can listen to people whose lives are different to mine all day long. Doesn’t mean my life suddenly can change to become their lives.