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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Lost

84 replies

poppymolly · 21/05/2025 15:24

My husband of 10 yrs (together for 17), 2 children, left on Good Friday. He had been depressed, had been short tempered for months and months, no time for the children, the house had become toxic. He told me he didn’t love me anymore and didn’t want ‘us’. He refused to get any help, despite me making doctors appointments etc. He moved to a friend’s house. I was devastated and still am. I thought that maybe in time and with some space, things would change, but they didn’t. I begged him to come home, tried to convince him that we’d make things better, but he had no interest. He didn’t want to try. I wasn’t part of his decision making. He just left. He told me he couldn’t see things getting better. He said he felt unloved, our children’s behaviour had caused huge problems and work was stressful for him. He told me ‘I just had to do what was best for me’.

3 weeks after leaving, I found out he had been on a date with a girl from work. He would have kept this quiet if I hadn’t had access to his emails and spotted cinema tickets. He betrayed me in the worst possible way. My whole world just feels like it has been turned upside down.

Of course, I have sent plenty of angry texts, wondering what other lies he has told and why he has just ‘thrown’ me away after all this time, like I never existed. It’s heartbreaking and I honestly can’t see how this feeling will ever go away.

What frustrates (and angers!) me, is that he tells me I have never given him space and have bombarded him with texts every day.
What did he expect me to do? Accept all this and move on? I’m distraught but I still don’t think he has ever fully taken my feelings into consideration.

Yes he’s depressed, but surely he got what he wanted? No me, no kids to look after 24/7, the life of a single man! A new woman-10 years younger than me and probably getting lots of S! It actually breaks my heart knowing that he’ll be doing things with her. I hate it.

I feel completely broken.

OP posts:
Drinkteawedding · 27/05/2025 16:44

poppymolly · 27/05/2025 16:24

They know the whole story. They have seen mummy cry for 6 weeks. I won’t lie to them, but equally I will not bad mouth him to them. My pain doesn’t have to become their pain.

Ok op this must be awful for them

on the one hand the grumpy short tempered dad has moved out
to be replaced with a 6 week sobbing mum

I say this gently but… you need to parent up, and put them first.

wipe your eyes, and go out for dinner tonight with your children. It’s half term. They shouldn’t be enduring this

poppymolly · 27/05/2025 16:45

Orangesinthebag · 27/05/2025 16:44

Hmmm, unless he makes an enormous effort I think his idea that his relationship with them will improve might be wishful thinking - particularly if he prioritises his new partner or assumes they can all play happily families together.
He is going to lose the closeness of living with his kids & "Disney Dad" parenting only goes so far. Being there for them & helping them through the nitty gritty bits are what's important.

I agree totally x

OP posts:
Drinkteawedding · 27/05/2025 16:45

poppymolly · 27/05/2025 16:18

If I’m honest, the children have been fine. They have both said they enjoy the peace! My 14 year is not being picked on day and night either. She can breathe again. Neither of them are angels, not by a long stretch, but they couldn’t do anything right. He wouldn’t take any advice I gave regarding behaviour. The house was toxic and it was the same every day for probably 8 months.

I’d have left him irrespective of an OW OP

no child should have to grow up in a toxic environment due to their father

poppymolly · 27/05/2025 16:46

Drinkteawedding · 27/05/2025 16:44

Ok op this must be awful for them

on the one hand the grumpy short tempered dad has moved out
to be replaced with a 6 week sobbing mum

I say this gently but… you need to parent up, and put them first.

wipe your eyes, and go out for dinner tonight with your children. It’s half term. They shouldn’t be enduring this

As I said, I’ve had a breakthrough in the last couple of days and this is a positive step. We will do some lovely things over half term-once I’ve recovered from my keyhole surgery!

OP posts:
poppymolly · 27/05/2025 16:55

MoominMai · 27/05/2025 16:41

@poppymolly dont hate the OW as you don’t know what he did or didn’t tell her. This is all on your DH. I’m single myself after a recent relationship breakdown but I find it so sad reading posts like yours. It’s frightening to me how many threads like these are regularly on here. I can’t imagine how it must feel to be hit out of the blue with this and not even be given a chance to help ‘fix it’. It sounds just as you said that he found someone else he suddenly liked and probably when she agreed to date him or whatever it was ‘safe’ for him to dump you and start his new life. I’ve seen it myself in my office 40 odd year old handsome men doing well and a pretty 20 something joins company and is keen for career progression amd these men are flattered. Then the younger woman see how this man could provide a good home without needing to struggle like they would or a low income with a younger man and next thing they have a baby and this bloke has got a ‘second chance’ at life with trophy wife.

Please keep your energy focussed on your next steps as even if DH came back I’m not sure as you say, how could you ever trust he won’t do the same thing again. Please use this time to educate yourself oj what’s best for you and your family now and how to make sure the kids don’t get too affected by this. Wishing you the best. You got this ♥️

She knew he had recently separated and that he was depressed. She knew the family situation all along. She still decided to date a married man who had abandoned his children. Looks like they are a match made in heaven! Good luck to them. He will regret his decision 100% but by then he will be a distant memory to me.

OP posts:
Drinkteawedding · 27/05/2025 17:01

poppymolly · 27/05/2025 16:55

She knew he had recently separated and that he was depressed. She knew the family situation all along. She still decided to date a married man who had abandoned his children. Looks like they are a match made in heaven! Good luck to them. He will regret his decision 100% but by then he will be a distant memory to me.

She dated a separated man
who no doubt presents to her very very differently as to how he has been presenting to you op

poppymolly · 27/05/2025 17:02

Drinkteawedding · 27/05/2025 17:01

She dated a separated man
who no doubt presents to her very very differently as to how he has been presenting to you op

100%

OP posts:
Drinkteawedding · 27/05/2025 17:03

poppymolly · 27/05/2025 17:02

100%

So the blame lies squarely at his feet

Itwiznyme · 29/11/2025 19:22

@poppymolly interested to see how things turned out for you months down the line? Hope you and the children are well

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