Spousal support

[Freedom955]

Hi all

Just a quick sense check here. Currently getting divorced and SBXH has put forward a financial proposal and wanting to check whether it’s fair. My lawyer is encouraging me to push for spousal maintenance.

married 10 years and 2 kids age 12 and 10. He works as a banker in the city and earns around 500k. I earn 27k and work 3 days a week.

he is suggesting a 50/50 split which leaves me with 600k which is enough to get a 3 bed house. He will also pay maintenance and have joint custody of the kids.

he has agreed to foot school fees for DD.

Do you think I’ll get any maintenance - I could earn a bit more and up my days but it has worked for the kids. I don’t think that I can argue I’ve sacrificed my career prospects as I’m in the same job I was before we met which has limited career progression unless I retrain.

Your kids are 10 and 12. You’ll have somewhere decent to live and he’s paying school fees. I think that’s a very safe position to be in. If you want spousal maintenance just so you don’t have to work full time, I’d be examining your motivations. I gave an ExH who would cut his hand off rather than put his hand in his pocket for a cent more than he had to AND he has nothing to do with them (Not a £500k earner though). Your ExH seems to want play an active role in their lives. Why do you think you shouldn’t work full time now?

It seems tough in this market to find flexible jobs to fit around pick up and I’m just worried that there’s a significant income disparity so might need help to transition.

You got a kid in secondary and a kid who will be in secondary in a year or so.

He can string out your divorce so by the time it gets in front of a judge both kids are aged 11+ - so unless you are in your 50s and/or one of you is disabled what is your reasoning for not working full-time?

Oh and I would want a bigger split of the assets NOW e.g. a chunk of his pension, rather than spouse maintenance. As he will know how to go to court to reduce spousal maintenance over the years as his circumstances change there as you do need money when you retire. Also as he is currently working long hours it's only fair to try to get slightly more of the assets as the kids will be with you more.

It seems tough in this market to find flexible jobs to fit around pick up

Lots of kids go to after school clubs or get picked up by childminders/nannies/babysitters if they are under 10. Over that age they get themselves home unless there is no form of transport they can take.

I guess I’m just trying to get my head around change of routine and lifestyle. I had thought the courts want to achieve parity of lifestyle when compared with the pre marriage position

Having worked in the banking sector personally I’d be trying to get as much upfront rather than relying purely on a high level of maintenance. I say this as those types of roles can easily disappear if he isn’t meeting targets in tricky market conditions such as now and his large salary quickly go.

I think a decent solicitor would get you a bigger split of the assets possibly plus spousal support, even for a few years while you build up your career to full time. Make sure you cover the pension(s) too.

what are the ranges of splits you see theee days. 70/30 or does it just depend and if I push for this maybe STBX stop the school fees? I don’t think he will, fingers crossed. Does anyone know a good lawyer they could recommend - I’m based in London.

Given the ages of your children I think 50/50 of assets amd pensionsmay well be granted.

Pension pension pension! Definitely get legal support.

Well you need to work full time and at those ages of children your settlement will be calculated based on the assumption that you are and what that salary is, not what you currently earn.

if you push for spousal he’ll probably argue to drop the school fees.
you could aim for 60:40 of assets inc pension

the courts dont aim to achieve parity of lifestyle to marriage and in most divorces this is not possible at all. They’ll look to cover your needs. Can you buy a house with your equity ?

Would you not feel beholden to him

I don’t understand why anyone would expect an ex to continue to fund their life.
Child maintenance and schools fees are for the children but why would you think you deserve him to pay you on top?

I’m surprised your solicitor wants to go hit spousal support. UK courts prefer clean break. You are definitely better off getting a share of the assets including pension rather then continuing maintenance as his curve may change /he may remarry and have more children etc. Courts look at need, not maintaining current lifestyle if, as in your case, there are enough assets to satisfy reasonable needs /which would not include the luxury of part time work.

I agree with this. Massive difference in salaries and earning power. I’d find a better solicitor.

Courts definitely look at previous lifestyle.
OP, please don’t be one of those mothers who’ struggle for the rest of their lives because the ex took all the money.
I’d push for higher assets now, possible spousal (but for me it’d be assets) and share of pensions.

In what way are you getting that the ex is “taking all the money”?

Courts look at previous lifestyle yes, but they don’t specifically aim to ensure that is maintained. They will look at the assets available and the needs first and foremost and then what’s left if anything. Most divorces it’s impossible to maintain that.

op should ensure she gets a fair share of assets which may well be greater than 50:50. I expect op will be receiving high cms figure plus he’s paying school fees ( which have just massively increased). She shouldn’t rely on him being able go maintain that long term .

op is perfectly capable of working full time to support herself going forward. Op may argue for short term spousal but personally I can’t understand anyone wanting to rely on their ex rather than pay their own way

I don't think many people on here will have experience of divorce where there is such disparity of earnings. So I'd honestly go with what your solicitor advises and what you think xH will agree to.

My xH earns about half as much as yours and I was on £34K full time and had definitely sacrificed career prospects for kids. And I was having kids 80% of the time. My solicitor wanted me to go for spousal maintenance as opposed to a Clean Break, or at least a nominal amount like £1 a year as she explained this leaves the door open to get the amount changed if my circumstances changed. But xH wouldn't go for it and in the end I decided not to pursue it as didn't want to go to court. I walked away with enough to get a family sized house mortgage free and some cash in the bank for repairs etc.

And of course you should get a pension share, that's a separate matter.

I would want a clean break settlement. As others have pointed out his circumstances may change and his support with it. Taking a capitalised lump sum equivalent is money in the bank. But it doesn’t sound like you have a lot of assets to share. You will need to be in court because of the income level just to settle the child support. This case needs to be looked at in the whole, child support, school fees and financial settlement with or without spousal.

I wouldn’t want my lifestyle to be dependent on my ex and their income. It suits him to pay spousal and to retain assets. Cynically he can easily afford to breadcrumb some of his income so you can maintain your lifestyle. It will cost less than a nanny.

Having that status in his life and that being something my children see would not sit well with me. A capital sum, school fees and trust fund for my kids would be my ask from this divorce. He will probably remarry and have a new family. The new family will benefit from his income and wealth at the expense of you and your children.

But if the assets aren’t there they aren’t there.

OP, can you ask around for recommendations of solicitors in your area (either from friends or anonymously on local groups). It isn't a 'one size fits all', they will all have varying suggestions. Find one that you are comfortable with. Ignore opinions about being beholden etc. You need enough to secure your kids' futures and also ensure they're not living two vastly different lives in their two homes. Everything is open for discussion and negotiation. Crucially this is your opportunity to sort this.

Only on mumsnet will you get advice that it's fair for you to walk away with half the assets when you are divorcing someone with that income disparity. I'm sure half the people on here are bitter ex husbands, or higher earning ex wives trying to convince everyone that anything other than 50/50 is a myth.

Starting point all assets in the pot. Equity in properties, savings, pensions, valuable possessions ie, cars, jewellery, art.

Taking pension into account, often worth more than the family home, I would be fighting for at least 70% of equity and 50% of pension.

Will his job enable him to parent 50/50 or is he using it to even the scoreboard until divorce is through?

Forget spousal, too uncertain. He needs to buy a clean break by giving you more of the assets now.

Don't be that future pensioner downsizing to survive while your ex husband lives a millionaire lifestyle.

People on here forget marriage is a financial contract. There is no his or your money/ pension/ savings. It belongs to you both equally. You are entitled to walk away with a settlement that leaves you in a stronger position for now. He will overtake and get back what he has lost within a few years.

And yes, in the real world you are entitled to a greater share of assets. Divorced last year and got 74%

You can also continue working 3 days a week. Nothing to do with anyone on here how much you want to work. If you need to earn more in the future that is your perogative.

I have a relative who went through similar a few years ago. They agreed on three years spousal support which took the youngest child through to Y8 of secondary school and gave my relative time to find a full time job. It worked well because it was common sense.

Ex H realised that he couldn’t actually do 50/50 split of childcare without getting in help so after six months it went to 70/30 and the maintenance was increased.

She also was able to buy a property outright and ex continued to pay the school fees. She actually really enjoyed the financial independence after the three years and has built a great life for herself, although gone are the days of four holidays a year, a flashy car and a weekly blow dry!!!

600 grand and still want more? Why not just find another man to fund your lifestyle?

Yes I can buy a house with the settlement in an area close to schools