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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

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Original poster

Spousal support

56 replies

Freedom955 · 03/04/2025 22:43

Hi all

Just a quick sense check here. Currently getting divorced and SBXH has put forward a financial proposal and wanting to check whether it’s fair. My lawyer is encouraging me to push for spousal maintenance.

married 10 years and 2 kids age 12 and 10. He works as a banker in the city and earns around 500k. I earn 27k and work 3 days a week.

he is suggesting a 50/50 split which leaves me with 600k which is enough to get a 3 bed house. He will also pay maintenance and have joint custody of the kids.

he has agreed to foot school fees for DD.

Do you think I’ll get any maintenance - I could earn a bit more and up my days but it has worked for the kids. I don’t think that I can argue I’ve sacrificed my career prospects as I’m in the same job I was before we met which has limited career progression unless I retrain.

OP posts:

DaybyDay83 · 12/10/2025 22:57

Sweetneverbitter · 04/04/2025 09:08

Only on mumsnet will you get advice that it's fair for you to walk away with half the assets when you are divorcing someone with that income disparity. I'm sure half the people on here are bitter ex husbands, or higher earning ex wives trying to convince everyone that anything other than 50/50 is a myth.

Starting point all assets in the pot. Equity in properties, savings, pensions, valuable possessions ie, cars, jewellery, art.

Taking pension into account, often worth more than the family home, I would be fighting for at least 70% of equity and 50% of pension.

Will his job enable him to parent 50/50 or is he using it to even the scoreboard until divorce is through?

Forget spousal, too uncertain. He needs to buy a clean break by giving you more of the assets now.

Don't be that future pensioner downsizing to survive while your ex husband lives a millionaire lifestyle.

People on here forget marriage is a financial contract. There is no his or your money/ pension/ savings. It belongs to you both equally. You are entitled to walk away with a settlement that leaves you in a stronger position for now. He will overtake and get back what he has lost within a few years.

And yes, in the real world you are entitled to a greater share of assets. Divorced last year and got 74%

You can also continue working 3 days a week. Nothing to do with anyone on here how much you want to work. If you need to earn more in the future that is your perogative.

Husband here.

I’m just in the process of getting financial order signed after FDR and follow-up court hearing as we couldn’t agree post FDR but judge wanted to give us a final chance to agree prior to final hearing.

I’m a high earner (£300k per year plus) and STBXW is taking 100% of equity in house (circa £250k), 100% of pension (circa £300k) plus a VERY healthy child and spousal maintenance every month for 10 years. STBXW works part time and earns circa 10% of what I do. Children are 8 and 10.

MN seems to be convinced that divorce has become a lot fairer on the man (or higher earner) than it is and that spousal maintenance doesn’t exist. I can assure you it’s a very real thing

Edited to say childcare split is 3 nights a week with me, 4 nights a week with her

millymollymoomoo · 13/10/2025 07:16

How come she’s awarded 100% of assets ? That’s highly unusual even in cases of high earners

exprecis · 13/10/2025 07:19

DaybyDay83 · 12/10/2025 22:57

Husband here.

MN seems to be convinced that divorce has become a lot fairer on the man (or higher earner) than it is and that spousal maintenance doesn’t exist. I can assure you it’s a very real thing

Edited to say childcare split is 3 nights a week with me, 4 nights a week with her

Edited

Show quote history

Did you get any legal advice? Unless there is something really big you're leaving out, you have been very poorly advised.

DayDreamAway · 13/10/2025 11:24

My situation is similar to yours and ages of children and our FDR judge came up with very similar outcome (although children will be with xH less). Unfortunately my husband refused to accept (or even negotiate) and we will go to final hearing. I think when there is clear case that the SHP is financially dependent the courts still seek to balance assets and income to maintain equal lifestyle.

GoldDuster · 13/10/2025 11:35

I think that you need to imagine that what is agreed upon now might not be cast in stone going forward in terms of school fees payment, and 50/50 split etc. This can and will in all likelihood move as time goes on. It's offered and agreed now to get the stamp on the paper yet is likely to shift in time.

I would negotiate to get as much as possible as a done deal rather than in ongoing payments. The less you have ties with him going forward the better, on various levels. Clean break is what you need to aim for, as far as possible.

AnOn2909 · 18/10/2025 19:13

you may be able to get global maintenance as his income is above what CMS can deal with. Courts where possible will look for a clean break and if there is sufficient equity available this could negate the need for spousal. I would suggest 70% equity in your favour, home paying school fees and a decent chunk of child maintenance (I’m on £100k and pay £950 pcm for my 2). You can earn £45k if full time which isn’t a bad salary & with circa £850k of equity you could comfortably rehouse and be mortgage free with a load of spare equity & get a clean break. I imagine there will be a decent pension to share as well.

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