Spousal support

[Freedom955]

Hi all

Just a quick sense check here. Currently getting divorced and SBXH has put forward a financial proposal and wanting to check whether it’s fair. My lawyer is encouraging me to push for spousal maintenance.

married 10 years and 2 kids age 12 and 10. He works as a banker in the city and earns around 500k. I earn 27k and work 3 days a week.

he is suggesting a 50/50 split which leaves me with 600k which is enough to get a 3 bed house. He will also pay maintenance and have joint custody of the kids.

he has agreed to foot school fees for DD.

Do you think I’ll get any maintenance - I could earn a bit more and up my days but it has worked for the kids. I don’t think that I can argue I’ve sacrificed my career prospects as I’m in the same job I was before we met which has limited career progression unless I retrain.

If you were my client, based only on what you have written here, I would be steering you more towards a greater than 50:50 asset split. Probably asking for 70, expecting to be pushed to 60.

But of course your solicitor will have more information and may have good reason for suggesting spousal. Ask your solicitor for why she thinks this and for example of precedent

How did you get that splitting you don’t mind me asking? Did you give up your career for xH or was it like me based on income.

such different experiences I guess with such different situations. I’m in awe of those who have managed to get through the other side.

I’m not bitter at all thanks

it’s not right to expect ex to continue in a high salary demanding job to fund everything inc op lifestyle when she herself is not even working full time. He could get ill, lose his job, decide the stress is too much and need a step back or whatever. Who knows what the future holds. He might be made redundant etc etc. op is perfectly capable of working full time but is chosing not to . Is her ex afforded that choice too? Perhaps he wants to work less or change career or simply stop working- is he allowed to do that ? Everyone on here would say he’s outrageous if he considered it yet op is ok to work pt and expect h to pay !

op should be seeking a settlement that considers all assets. 50% may be fair if there’s enough to do so. I’ve seen a couple of friends similar op who were awarded 50:50 ( inc pensions) and no spousal ( even when ex was earning near 300k) . if there aren’t enough then 60% or 70% might be right, or higher equity lower pension etc.

op hasn’t sacrificed her career as she states- she just happens to be in a career that pays less.

I did give up my career. He wanted me to be a SAHM so I was left in a position where it was unlikely I would ever earn a really decent wage.
The judge was very much in agreement and indicated I should get more than our settlement.
Of course the minute he left he wanted me in full time employment and wanted the children 50/50.
I was never, in his mind, a stay at home mum, I was there for his benefit. Clothes washed, ironed. Meals cooked. Housework done.
It is typical for women to never recover financially following divorce and most men take about 4 years to achieve the standard of living they enjoyed before divorce.
Don't sell yourself short.

**ManHereSorry · Today 09:13

600 grand and still want more? Why not just find another man to fund your lifestyle?**

This man takes home this amount almost annually! Where would his salary be now if he hadn't had the benefit of a wife doing all of the childcare for the last 12 years!

Almost certainly in the same place . A nanny would have been very inexpensive compared to his salary, and the OP didn’t give up anything for his children - she’s doing the same job she did when they met.

Personally I think spousal maintenance is not ideal. My mum gets it as she gave up everything to be a SAHM and it was more common to award in those days.
I can't tell you how much grief it has caused over the years. My dad resents paying it every month and randomly is late, reduces it when he thinks he can't afford etc. For a few years mum badically was never sure month to month what she'd get and when she'd get it. It's better now but it ties you to him in unhelpful ways and taking him back to court to enforce is not quick either so ends up being not worth it most of the time.
Get what you need to get set up and especially consider pension. Then get yourself back to work and in charge of your own finances

Don't go for spousal maintenance but ask for a 65:35 split of assets in your favour on the grounds that the bulk of responsibility for the children is falling to you and you will have limited opportunities to improve your circumstances after the split, whereas for him, he'll be able to make up the difference and end up with roughly the same ££ as you if he just goes and lives with his mum for 6 months. Always better to have a clean break as far as possible rather than setting up a continuing dependency.

I think you have to work out what you would have done employment-wise if your husband had been earning a much lower amount. Would you have changed jobs to get more money?

Two things to note:
If he has 50/50 residence does that affect how much he will pay to support the children? When they are older will they want to spend less time with him?
You are entitled to continue living as you have done so you should ask for that as either maintenance or a lump sum until the children have finished university, so when your youngest is 25.

You will also need support in retirement so get some of the pension

I note your lawyer told you to ask for it. Assuming your lawyer is a family law specialist, I would follow their advice. I also note you've asked if anyone knows a good solicitor, so are you happy with your current lawyer?

But we will be splitting children 50/50 so difficult to argue that the bulk of the responsibility is with me?

Thanks I was wondering whether I should change lawyers as most are telling me on here that spousal is not great vs a greater share of assets which I now get.

Honestly given you are going 50.50 and didn’t give up your job etc I think you might struggle to get much more than 56/60 at absolute best, courts these days expect adults of teenage kids to work full time .
in a nut shell you’re going to end up much better off as a result of being married to him than if you hadn’t married and I think courts will take that into consideration as well.

Can you genuinely rehome on £600k in London and near the children’s school (and future schools)? I would push for capitalised maintenance, ie a lump sum to tide you over while you build yourself back up to a full time position. You have to consider what a judge would expect from you (ie working ft) but it’s unlikely you can make this happen overnight.

He needs a much smaller deposit since he can raise a large mortgage.

I’d ask that he pays school fees and associated costs (trips, uniform etc - it all adds up, especially once they are in secondary school). What about extra-curricular clubs?

Make sure pensions are included.

Its your life.

I agree with you.
Except I think the comments come from jealous women who got the short stick.
I have a friend in a similar situation, she’ll be financially quite better off than most mums after a divorce (fully paid house and equity), she’s losing friends over this due to jealousy.

I agree with this.
I think you’re better pushing for more now; gives you so much more freedom.
You will get a lot of criticism here for ‘doing well’ from a divorce because mn loves a race to the bottom- I would follow the advice of your solicitor and consider this posters’ suggestion of taking a bigger piece of the pie now to give yourself more protection and a clean break for the future.good luck Xox

No jealousy here!

op doesn’t need time ho build up your ft work, she’s already working pt in the sane job she’s always done!

she hasn’t sacrificed her career
she isn’t taking on lions share of child care - they’re doing 50:50!

there is zero reason for op not to work full time. None whatsoever! She hasn’t been disadvantaged by marriage and children - she’s actually been massively advantaged coming out of it with assets she’d never have accrued on her own income. Nonsense to suggest she’s disadvantaged

yes her ex earns loads but not due to op sacrifices.

get your share of assets ( inc pension and anything else) and go support yourself.

Ido think due to the income disparity you can argue for spousal maintenance but be aware it will be time limited typically 5 years or if your solicitor pushes, when your youngest reaches 18 possibly. I would get any child maintenance agreement to cover until the end of higher education or age 23 whichever is sooner typically.

Actually does H even need to pay child support if he has the kids 50/50? I thought he did but now on re-reading not sure that is the case? Does that change things? I fought a high earner would still need to pay something.

Spousal maintenance is appropriate in your situation given the extreme difference in income and future earning potential. You can calculate SM with your lawyer and then propose a lump sum which could then result in a larger share of assets or alternatively request a global maintenance order (SM + Child maintenance) instead of using CMS.

I think in the case of a big income disparity a 50/50 custody arrangement doesn’t mean no maintenance but I am sure someone else can add some extra info.

60/40 split of equity in your favour and pension share. Invest your pension share from him wisely. If he gives you this and agrees to pay child support and school fees I'd not go for spousal maintenance.

OP - are you sure that you can re-house for 600K in london - I presume you'll need a 3BR place?

Secondly - going for spousal or a clean break with higher share of total assets (incl pension) is similar in a way. You should discuss it with your solicitor, as both have + and -.

Finally - did they advise you to also file for Child Maintenance under Schedule 1 -as he is way beyond CMS jurisdiction? It doesn't matter in this case that you are doing 50/50 childcare (although I think he'll quickly realise that his banking job doesn't work well with it) And - do kids even want to be at his 50% of the time?
(And on this - my similarly employed exH also mentioned 50/50 originally - and I said - I'd fight him on that. And that if he insists - we'll make a very clear list of all that childcare would involve and he'll have 50% of all, not just the fun bits.
He'll be managing clubs, and be responsible for, say footwear purchasing - while I'll be doing clothing. He quickly saw sense and we agreed a different time split that maximised his quality time with the kids, not had them with a nanny while he worked.)

Finally - OP - don't be down on yourself and your earnings potential. While in that particular job you didn't "sacrifice" - but you also did NOT have a chance to retrain and improve your earnings potential. If you didn't have kids to take carte of - you could have changed careers, etc. So - of course - he benefited from you being at home, and you gave up opportunities.

With 27K vs 500K - there is definitely scope for larger share of assets OR at least a few years of spousal - so you can re-train and get to better earnings. Don't just give up and make it easy for him. I am guessing - divorce is his idea?

If 50:50 in truest sense then no CMS. If you’re doing the bulk of school runs, dentists etc then yes you would get some but due to his income a court would decide. So I’d be looking at 60%, him paying school fees and child maintenance ordered by the court rather than spousal.

No child support due if 50/50 of the full divorces i know of one high earner and one lower earner. The asset split was higher for financially weaker but its clean break expectation to work. Ive not seen spousal in court for around 5 years outside of disability or 65+ divorce. Prepare for you full supporting yourself and try ti get some capital from him to support thst transition