If ex H dies, do I go to the funeral?

[wherehaveallthegoodfolkgone]

To support my (older teen children?)
Context - ex husband and I divorced 8 years ago. He was awful, serial adulterer, narcissistic, toxic family.
Given that his friends and family (and gf) hated my guts (and I theirs) would u be mad to put myself into the lions den? Can't imagine my children going through something so harrowing without me there to hug them but I imagine I wouldn't be invited...
I'm hoping he's not dying but he's extremely ill and currently hospitalised.
Thanks for any advice

Why is consideration for grieving relatives weird @SensibleJaneAndrews ?

OP says her ex's family and the (not actually) deceased's girlfriend "hate" her. Now they may all be the spawn of the devil, but surely they should be allowed to attend a funeral of their close relative without facing someone they intensely dislike?

OP can provide all the support her dc need other than during that 30 minute service. If her dc need a physical presence with them inside the crematorium or church, then I'm sure there's a family friend that the dc trust who could be there for that. OP can take them and wait away from the ex's family.

Ive just been to a funeral a few weeks ago. My friends dad. The ex wife went for the kids but she stayed outside, watch them take the coffin in and waited outside for her kids to come out gave them a hug made sure they were fine and then left.

No
i wouldn’t go you can support your children when they are home.

Do you kids want you there? I'd be guided by them. You don't need to invited to a funeral, only the wake.

I would do what your kids want you to do.

If his family are hostile people generally, your children might want you there.

In your shoes I would only take into consideration your children’s feelings about this and not everyone else’s, as the others there aren’t your problem anymore.

Thank you again everyone. I've read your thoughts on this and on reflection decided that should it come to this, I'd ask the children what they would want and would most likely be right outside in the car ready for them. Agree with all about the fact that it would be highly inflammatory for his family.
Argh, I bloody hope he pulls through

I think that is a sensible option OP.

FWIW- my DH had an awful acrimonious divorce 25 years ago. No children. I would ask someone to remove his ex if she turned up given the behaviour over the years (I was not the OW just to be clear).

But my SIL was very front and centre at her ex's funeral. They shared 3 adult children and had Sunday lunch together as a family most weeks. Her DH also came and his adult children and it was a totally different situation.

It's always about context IMO. Your solution sounds perfect.

No - you have no relationship to ex, only to your children. Make sure they will have support from ex’s family in advance.