Page 2 | Ex wants to take DD out of school for trip

Wishyouwerehere50 · 08/03/2025 15:14

@ikeepforgetting I get it. You have got to live it to get it and if one has not lived it, their comments won't resonate.

I still vomit internally trying to do this but I know it works playing nicely and a little bit of flattery and subtle manipulation from you in that flattery.

Someone I respect advised me, it's like an iron fist in a lace glove - if that analogy makes sense.

You getting wound up and resisting where you don't need to, is also something baiters - let's call them Master Baiters ( 😆) - love.

So do the opposite.

Ganthanga · 09/03/2025 14:16

The important thing is what your daughter wants to do. Let that get your guide.

Welshmonster · 09/03/2025 14:24

make sure you total your any days that could be unauthorised as it is a set amount over a term rather than just 5 days now. Raise your objection in writing as then hopefully you won’t get a fine

Botanybaby · 09/03/2025 14:29

It's only mocks FFS he's wanting to spend time with her stop making it so awkward and difficult for them to have a relationship

rosemarble · 09/03/2025 15:10

I'd allow it. Year 11 is going to be intense.

dailygrowl · 09/03/2025 15:23

ikeepforgetting · 08/03/2025 13:18

Hi, have a difficult ex who doesn't do any parenting unless performative - so with a family wedding in France coming up he has stepped up his game. He wants to take DD out of school on a Friday and Monday a week before her y10 GCSE mocks in June.

I have said no, that she can go Fri eve to Sunday eve (still not ideal she should be studying, but I am not being obstructive) and I am waiting for the explosion of rage. I feel like I am doing the right thing but also know that I will tarnished as the worst person in the world.

Can he just take her out of school and ignore me? School won't give permission but he won't care about that.

If you don't give your consent, he can't take your DD abroad. Some officers at airports or on ferries will ask to see a letter of permission from you. Without one, it can be considered kidnapping, Missing school is another serious red flag as your daughter has to deal with that, not him or you. Schools take this seriously and it can adversely affect your DD's sixth form and university/college/job chances. Someone trying to show they're a good parent should not be taking a child out of school during term time for a frivolous reason like this.

lazyarse123 · 09/03/2025 15:34

If ops dd hasn't had any unauthorised absences so far this year there won't be a fine. It kicks in after 5 days.

MyDeftDuck · 09/03/2025 15:34

Have either of you actually asked DD if she genuinely wants to go?

Barrenfieldoffucks · 09/03/2025 15:37

Spirallingdownwards · 08/03/2025 13:33

I would let him. Its a family wedding I presume. I assume your DD can revise there just as easily as she can at home. it's 2 days not 2 weeks.

If there are any fines for unauthorised attendance I would expect him to pay yours as well as his.

I agree.

Theunamedcat · 09/03/2025 15:38

Botanybaby · 09/03/2025 14:29

It's only mocks FFS he's wanting to spend time with her stop making it so awkward and difficult for them to have a relationship

Mocks are important they let you know how good or bad your doing in a subject like it or not these exams are important more important than a wedding unless it's your own

Barrenfieldoffucks · 09/03/2025 15:38

Fwiw, if her attendance is otherwise fine, we probably would approve this (I used to work as an attendance officer in a large high school). There wouldn't be a fine unless she has had previous absences that take her over the limit.

Talulahalula · 09/03/2025 15:42

Spirallingdownwards · 08/03/2025 13:35

which is never checked or at least was never checked when I travelled with mine. And I travelled to the US frequently to visit family. Not once was I asked for evidence of permission even though I usually carried a letter (which frankly could have been written by anyone). On occasion we forgot about the letter - still no issue as still not checked

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I have had documents (birth certificate, letter of permission, separation agreement with residency) checked every single time I have flown with DC overseas, with the exception of going to Spain. DC have also been asked questions coming back into this country.

pinotnow · 09/03/2025 15:44

I do think the deciding factor should be whether dd wants to go or not. The school won't be bothered assuming her attendance is otherwise good and it shouldn't be the case that whatever happens the weekend before makes or breaks her mocks. But, speaking as someone who has two teens with a df who sounds a lot like this one, both my sons would have been pissed off at their df suddenly wanting to take them away just before the mocks and, if it was for a distant family member/one they barely knew, they would have refused but they would have got me to do the refusing to avoid conflict with him. Unless that's the case here I think it's right to just smile and nod and have it in the bank for times you have accommodated his wishes.

adviceneeded1990 · 09/03/2025 15:49

Snoopdoggydog123 · 08/03/2025 13:31

This is incorrect
You actually need permission from anyone with PR to travel out of the country of residence.

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Is that ever enforced though? It certainly isn’t at passport control - my DH and his exW travel with a letter of permission to travel for DSD from each other just in case. We’ve taken her abroad twice, flown with her domestically 5 times and never been questioned. Her Mum and stepdad have also taken her abroad twice and never been questioned, including one trip where they drove through Europe and crossed three different borders. I believe OP would need to go to court for a prohibited steps order to enforce this which would be very costly for the sake of two missed days.

zeibesaffron · 09/03/2025 15:58

Its Yr 10 mocks so I would let her go, its a family wedding, if it was a GCSE exam year then no.

LilacPeer · 09/03/2025 16:02

Snoopdoggydog123 · 08/03/2025 13:31

This is incorrect
You actually need permission from anyone with PR to travel out of the country of residence.

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You don’t if you have a “lives with” order. Although it’s clear from this post he doesn’t. But I can take my DDs out of the country for up to 28 days without permission
from their dad.

Snoopdoggydog123 · 09/03/2025 16:08

LilacPeer · 09/03/2025 16:02

You don’t if you have a “lives with” order. Although it’s clear from this post he doesn’t. But I can take my DDs out of the country for up to 28 days without permission
from their dad.

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As long as it doesn't interfere with the other parents designated parenting time.

Snoopdoggydog123 · 09/03/2025 16:09

LilacPeer · 09/03/2025 16:02

You don’t if you have a “lives with” order. Although it’s clear from this post he doesn’t. But I can take my DDs out of the country for up to 28 days without permission
from their dad.

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So not the same at all.
If OP denies permission. The child can't go.

reluctantbrit · 09/03/2025 16:27

If your DD wants to go, then let her. It's her family after all as well and I assume she doesn't see them a lot.

Mocks - yes they are important but honestly, if she needs the weekend before to revise, then something is wrong with her revision tactics. She should be revising from the end of Easter holdidays onwards.

DD had mocks in Y10, end of May. It was about getting them used to the set-up (so big hall, strict requirements with no bags, clear water bottles etc) and to get an idea if a subject needs intervention when they re-started in Y11.

My only requirement would be that there is at least one day between her return and an exam in case something goes wrong with travel or there are long delays which means she may be overtired. Had this, lost 2 days of annual leave for me but luckily no issues with school. Since then we never return on the last possible day.

MikeRafone · 09/03/2025 16:30

If it was me, I would tell him he needs to get permission from the school to take her out on the Friday and Monday for the wedding & this needs to be done prior to the end of the easter ver and give the date - also make sure this is in text (email or text message)

Contact the school in writing and alert them that your Childs father wants to take them out of school and you have advised him to contact the school for permission, as it is not your dissuasion to make at such a time of her rock exams - this way you cover your back for unauthorised absence. Ask the school if you can be made away of the decision that the school make on this matter.

HMW1906 · 09/03/2025 17:01

I’d let her go. She can take some revision notes with her and do some work whilst she’s away and it’s only the mocks.

Spirallingdownwards · 09/03/2025 20:33

Talulahalula · 09/03/2025 15:42

I have had documents (birth certificate, letter of permission, separation agreement with residency) checked every single time I have flown with DC overseas, with the exception of going to Spain. DC have also been asked questions coming back into this country.

Edited

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You must look dodgier than me I guess. 🤷‍♀️

As I said how do they know who wrote a letter giving permission anyway?

Spirallingdownwards · 09/03/2025 20:34

Snoopdoggydog123 · 09/03/2025 16:09

So not the same at all.
If OP denies permission. The child can't go.

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Simply isn't the case

SapphireOpal · 09/03/2025 20:38

dailygrowl · 09/03/2025 15:23

If you don't give your consent, he can't take your DD abroad. Some officers at airports or on ferries will ask to see a letter of permission from you. Without one, it can be considered kidnapping, Missing school is another serious red flag as your daughter has to deal with that, not him or you. Schools take this seriously and it can adversely affect your DD's sixth form and university/college/job chances. Someone trying to show they're a good parent should not be taking a child out of school during term time for a frivolous reason like this.

Edited

Show quote history

The hyperbole in this post 😂

It's 2 days in Year 10 for a family wedding which he presumably has no control of the date of.

When people talk about absence affecting college applications they're talking about persistent/high absence, not 2 bloody days. A "red flag" for what, exactly, do you think this is?

SapphireOpal · 09/03/2025 20:40

MikeRafone · 09/03/2025 16:30

If it was me, I would tell him he needs to get permission from the school to take her out on the Friday and Monday for the wedding & this needs to be done prior to the end of the easter ver and give the date - also make sure this is in text (email or text message)

Contact the school in writing and alert them that your Childs father wants to take them out of school and you have advised him to contact the school for permission, as it is not your dissuasion to make at such a time of her rock exams - this way you cover your back for unauthorised absence. Ask the school if you can be made away of the decision that the school make on this matter.

They will almost certainly not authorise it - they're not allowed - but I don't see why 2 days absence would be a problem even if they couldn't authorise it. There will be no fine for 2 days - but they would fine both parents anyway even if the OP had "covered her back". I'm not sure this suggestion would really benefit her at all.