Husband Wants a Divorce, But I Don’t – What Should I Do?

[malboroughwhite]

I’m struggling with a difficult situation—my husband wants a divorce, but I don’t. I’ll try to be concise while including relevant details.

We’ve been married for a long time, and at some point, I realized the life we had planned together was no longer the life he wanted. This realization deeply affected me, leading to a period of depression. However, I worked hard to improve my situation, and while my life isn’t perfect, I feel much better in many ways. Unfortunately, my husband is unhappy with how things have turned out and now wants a divorce.

I don’t want a divorce for several reasons:
• I still have feelings for him.
• I’m not interested in anyone else.
• Divorce would cause financial hardship for both of us and negatively impact our children.
• I don’t believe it would make either of us happier in the long run.

Lately, he has been focused on settling financial matters as a step toward divorce, and it seems like money is his main concern. He has shown no real willingness to work on our relationship.

I’m unsure of my next steps. Should I insist on couples therapy or counseling? Should I agree to mediation and start working on a financial settlement? Should I consult a divorce lawyer on my own?

If he decides to move forward and file for divorce without my agreement, what would that process look like? He wants a no-fault divorce based on mutual consent, but I don’t agree because I simply don’t want the divorce.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

This is harsh but so true. This is what you need to take away from this thread. I’m sorry your marriage hasn’t worked out like you hoped. Counselling for you to navigate this would be helpful and having a trusted friend. Focus on the future and one step at a time.

The number of men who think the grass is greener, then after 5 or 6 months, beg to come back is ridiculous. My exh put me through hell for 5 months then after wanting a divorce tried to back track but I was having none of it. Happily divorced from him for 21 years now and happily remarried to a much nicer man for 19 years. You can do this OP. After a while you'll be glad you got shot of him.

Good for you. Once someone messes me about like this they are never coming back.

Go to mediation and agree a fair settlement. Leave the marriage. He doesn't want to be there and forcing him to stay won't make him love you.

All divorce is no-fault now. You can’t stop him from getting a divorce if he wants one. It sounds like his mind is made up so your best course of action is to engage constructively in discussions about a financial split and childcare (if that’s relevant to the ages of your kids), get independent legal advice from a divorce lawyer, and if you’re struggling to accept the reality of divorce, get therapy for that if you can afford it.

It’s really tough when a relationship/marriage ends if you’re the one being left and you don’t want that. I’ve been there. The best thing you can do is accept it and focus on making the best life you can for you and your kids.

How are you now OP?

I hope you are still reading Op because I wanted to say I understand. Dh decided he wanted a divorce after nearly 40 years together as we both approach retirement. I was shocked to find the new divorce laws meant I could do nothing and the sale of my lovely family home I thought I’d see my days out in could be forced through leaving me with enough to buy a flat. I’ve accepted it but it doesn’t seem fair. Even ex Dh said I’d done nothing wrong, he was just bored with life and a new relationship gave him the excitement he needed. There is nothing you can do to fight it so hold your head up high, try and do as much amicably as possible to save yourself as much heartache and money as possible, surround yourself with as much support as you can and move on with your life

if he’s in a rush to sort finances he has probably found someone else he wants to live with or at least a home he wants to buy sorry op.

if he just fell out of love he’d probably agree to live together separately for a while first as that would make financial sense

In most cases men will stay in unhappy marriages. Unless they find someone else willing and in a better situation. Is there an OW?
Regardless, if he wants to leave you then you need to accept it. Ensure you get a fair financial settlement and then work on yourself. You can’t change his mind.

You need to get a therapist and start accepting your new reality....Which is a divorce and shared custody