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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Husband Wants a Divorce, But I Don’t – What Should I Do?

60 replies

malboroughwhite · 26/02/2025 19:57

I’m struggling with a difficult situation—my husband wants a divorce, but I don’t. I’ll try to be concise while including relevant details.

We’ve been married for a long time, and at some point, I realized the life we had planned together was no longer the life he wanted. This realization deeply affected me, leading to a period of depression. However, I worked hard to improve my situation, and while my life isn’t perfect, I feel much better in many ways. Unfortunately, my husband is unhappy with how things have turned out and now wants a divorce.

I don’t want a divorce for several reasons:
• I still have feelings for him.
• I’m not interested in anyone else.
• Divorce would cause financial hardship for both of us and negatively impact our children.
• I don’t believe it would make either of us happier in the long run.

Lately, he has been focused on settling financial matters as a step toward divorce, and it seems like money is his main concern. He has shown no real willingness to work on our relationship.

I’m unsure of my next steps. Should I insist on couples therapy or counseling? Should I agree to mediation and start working on a financial settlement? Should I consult a divorce lawyer on my own?

If he decides to move forward and file for divorce without my agreement, what would that process look like? He wants a no-fault divorce based on mutual consent, but I don’t agree because I simply don’t want the divorce.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
CaptainFuture · 26/02/2025 19:59

He doesn't need your agreement to divorce.
What's your situation? Do you both work, have time for hobbies? How old are the dc?

Shmee1988 · 26/02/2025 20:01

Would you honestly rather stay married to someone that's made it clear they don't want to be with you? If so, why? He has checked out of the marriage. He's been honest. Get yourself a lawyer, agree to the divorce. If you can't save your marriage, at the very least, save your dignity. I'm sorry you're going through this but begging and crying won't make him want you. I hope it all works out okay x

Pinkissmart · 26/02/2025 20:02

OP, your husband can decide if he wants a divorce.

Odd that one of the reasons you list is that you’re not interested in anyone else.

Sashya · 26/02/2025 20:03

I think the only hope you have is to try to suggest family therapy. He may not agree to it if he has given up on the relationship - but it can be a place where you discuss the state of your relationship. You can try telling him that you need get to a place of understanding of what is happening and how he is feeling - so that you can make up his mind.

But depending on how set he is on divorce - he can just file. You don't need to agree. It will still be a no-fault divorce. You can delay it, but eventually, you'll have to accept that it's not something you can stop simply by not agreeing to it.

Original poster
malboroughwhite · 26/02/2025 20:04

CaptainFuture · 26/02/2025 19:59

He doesn't need your agreement to divorce.
What's your situation? Do you both work, have time for hobbies? How old are the dc?

We both work but I'm more of a part timer hoping to get full time. My kids are 10 and 7.

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 26/02/2025 20:04

He doesn’t need your permission to divorce, he can make that decision all on his own.

WonderingWanda · 26/02/2025 20:10

It sounds like he's pretty sure of his decision, I doubt you will convince him otherwise so I think it would be wise to get some legal advice yourself so you are better prepared.

Tumbleweed44 · 26/02/2025 20:14

He has someone else. Let him go.

CaptainFuture · 26/02/2025 20:17

malboroughwhite · 26/02/2025 20:04

We both work but I'm more of a part timer hoping to get full time. My kids are 10 and 7.

Show quote history

How part time? Is this part of the issue?

Snorlaxo · 26/02/2025 20:19

He can divorce you without your consent and I’d argue that resisting it could be a form of abusive control. If his mind is set then it is set and you need to accept that.
Yanbu to not want the divorce but he isn’t unreasonable to want one either. The one who wants it should be allowed to divorce.

Frostykitty · 26/02/2025 20:21

If he wants a divorce, he will be granted a divorce. You need to get some advice from a lawyer on the financial side, and I'd personally also look a getting a therapist to help you come to terms with it. Divorce can be like bereavement and you're going to go through a lot of emotions.

Teado · 26/02/2025 20:21

See a solicitor OP. I don’t think that imploring him to stay when he’s obviously made up his mind is going to work. You need to get your practical head on.

Ponderingwindow · 26/02/2025 20:22

My XH taught me on the divorce every step of the way. He even argued over the standard divorce paperwork and wanted it changed because he didn’t believe the marriage could not be salvaged. There was no way in hell I was staying so all he did was hand over our assets to solicitors. I got my divorce in the end.

If your husband wants out, he will get his divorce eventually. You can ask him to do a round of marriage counseling, but you need to really think about whether or not it has any real hope of success. You may be better off focusing on how to come out of this as good co-parents.

R053 · 26/02/2025 20:22

I agree. It’s possible he already has another woman waiting in the wings. He seems to be very sure and is already moving forward with everything.

You need to seek legal advice so as not to be caught on the backfoot. Sorry you are experiencing this - it’s a big adjustment.

EveryOtherNameTaken · 26/02/2025 20:25

If he wants to go that's his choice. You can't stop him and trying to is manipulative behaviour.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 26/02/2025 20:25

I'm really sorry, OP. It's tough, but you have to respect his opinion. He is a free agent, and if he wants to get divorced, that's his choice.

You can ask him whether he would consider marriage counselling or whatever, but you can't insist on it.

You need to accept that he doesn't seem to want what you want.

PointySnoot · 26/02/2025 20:42

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Redfred00 · 26/02/2025 20:45

Go at see your own solicitor. You need legal advice. If he wants a divorce then there fuck all you can do about it, apart from protecting your own interests. You need to stop focusing on your relationship and him. Your relationship is dead. Now it's time to focus on ensuring that you don't get fucked over.

Waterlilysunset · 26/02/2025 20:47

You don’t get a choice. You can’t insist on counselling. You can’t force him and you can’t stop him divorcing you. He doesn’t require your approval, permission or agreement

Cucy · 26/02/2025 20:51

How long have you been separated/been like this?

I think you need to accept that it’s over.

You could suggest that you separate properly but compromise and stay living together until a certain time.
It might be beneficial for you both to stay living in the same house for now.

However this may be difficult if you want to hold on to the relationship or if he wants to move on with someone else.

Do you get on ok as friends/a family?

Have you spoken about where you’ll both live?

JustAGalWhoLovesBooks · 26/02/2025 20:53

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Agreed!

WhatsitWiggle · 26/02/2025 21:22

If you're in England or Wales, you can't contest a divorce anymore. He can start the process with or without your agreement. I'd get a solicitor to advise you on an appropriate financial settlement ASAP - if you can gather all the relevant info beforehand (salaries, pensions, savings and other assets, debts) so you're using the time wisely because good solicitors aren't cheap.

2boyzNosleep · 26/02/2025 21:46

What are you expecting the outcome to be by resisting divorce? I can guarantee that it'll be an awful experience for you, Dh/exDH, and your children.

He'll likely cheat, be depressed/stressed, bugger off at weekends, make no effort, your DC will pick up on it all.

Why do you want to force someone that doesn't want to be with you to stay? By all means suggest therapy, but if he doesn't want to stay, then you need to accept that.

CountryTunes · 26/02/2025 22:03

malboroughwhite · 26/02/2025 19:57

I’m struggling with a difficult situation—my husband wants a divorce, but I don’t. I’ll try to be concise while including relevant details.

We’ve been married for a long time, and at some point, I realized the life we had planned together was no longer the life he wanted. This realization deeply affected me, leading to a period of depression. However, I worked hard to improve my situation, and while my life isn’t perfect, I feel much better in many ways. Unfortunately, my husband is unhappy with how things have turned out and now wants a divorce.

I don’t want a divorce for several reasons:
• I still have feelings for him.
• I’m not interested in anyone else.
• Divorce would cause financial hardship for both of us and negatively impact our children.
• I don’t believe it would make either of us happier in the long run.

Lately, he has been focused on settling financial matters as a step toward divorce, and it seems like money is his main concern. He has shown no real willingness to work on our relationship.

I’m unsure of my next steps. Should I insist on couples therapy or counseling? Should I agree to mediation and start working on a financial settlement? Should I consult a divorce lawyer on my own?

If he decides to move forward and file for divorce without my agreement, what would that process look like? He wants a no-fault divorce based on mutual consent, but I don’t agree because I simply don’t want the divorce.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

If you want to save your marriage you can maybe try the websites to save your marriage.

https://rejoiceministries.org/

Or:
marriage revealed ministries on youtube by Sheila Hollinger

Or:
The wife expert on youtube

Or:
Marriage Helper on youtube

There is of course no guarantee your marriage would be saved but it may be worth a try.

whatsappdoc · 26/02/2025 22:50

This will probably stop him in his tracks 'DH, are you sure you will be ok bringing up two children on your own?'.

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