So Bitter and Envious of Others

[Bigstormcloud]

Seperated and due to divorce in the future. Married a long time with dc. I'm hearing that other couples around my age are getting re-married or married for the first time after living together or moving in together. Not talking young people setting out, people around my age. I am so envious. I feel so bitter. My life has essentially fallen apart and I could be on my own always (or it is going to take a long time before I get to the marriage/moving in stage again especially with school age dc) and here they are these others seriously developing their relationships. There are married people everywhere. I just feel so sad and bitter. All my hopes and dreams and being a Mrs somebody or other was so much of my identity (more than I realised) and here they are these others living it. I feel sorry for myself. I don't want to hear another single bit of 'good news' in this respect. Yes, yes of course I can rationalize things to a degree but this is more about feeling.

Anyone? Be kind.

Thank you so much all, for your wise words and compassion.

2025

However , I have become my own security. I don't need a man to make me feel worthy. I can 100% rely on myself and don't need anyone else to make me feel I have a place.

Were there any pivotal moments for you with this? I can honestly say, I've moved forward but obviously still have work to do here. I'm so much better than I was, believe it or not. But I keep wobbling. Major wobble today. But this relationship is toxic and I need to get out of it.

My identity disappeared (or was never properly established in the first place) when I got married. However, over the past few years, I have come to know myself a lot better. I have also had a lot done for me over the years (married to an older and practical but emotionally disconnected man who is actually fairly manipulative and controlling and avoidant/dismissive). Patterns from childhood repeating themselves. I put this man on a pedestal when we first met. Obviously, I didn't realise this at the time but the rose coloured glasses have well and truly come off. All my insufficiencies and emotional vulnerabilities feel very much exposed now - they have not needed to surface over the years.

I think I just knew I had no choice and I realised what he'd been doing to me all the years and who he actually is.

Wobbles will happen for a while ime. I'm at19 months since we split and today has been hard but it's just a moment in time. It doesn't have to define the day. I am lucky as I have no feelings for him and zero regret that I divorced him.

My ex was put on a pedestal by me too. I thought he and everyone was so much better than me, when your parents don't want you you can't see how anyone will and you think you're no good, but I realise I am bloody awesome and he is a grade one fool.