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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Maintenance after change of circumstances

81 replies

Nachotortilla · 07/02/2025 09:37

Hi there.

I was awarded spousal maintenance + child maintenance as part of a 'global' order three years ago. I was not working at the time.

About a year after the order was made I agreed an informal 50-50 arrangement with exh and returned to full time work.

The global order expires in two years' time but my exh wants to end it now.

He says I no longer need the spousal support and with 50-50 established no child support should be payable.

Can he do this?

He changed his job to a lower paying, more flexible one so he could have the kids more. Our earnings are probably now about equal. I got the biggest share of the MH so I don't have a mortgage. He does have a mortgage. He claims the living costs + maintenance amount to more than he earns.

But the job change, the 50-50 and buying a mortgaged home were all his choices, made after he agreed the global order.

Anyone have any thoughts?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 07/02/2025 11:21

Nachotortilla · 07/02/2025 11:07

I'm worried that if I lose my job in future, he won't' support me, if I agree to closing off maintenance now.

Maybe I could agree to reduce it but keep claims open?

I do work full time but I am only one 12 month contracts.

Unfortunately that's how divorce works. If you lose your job, you have options. He can take the kids on full time if necessary, you can look for work, you can claim benefits. This 1k a month that you're saving for your old age will actually count against you if you ever do need to claim. And what's your plan if you lose your job in 3 years once the order ends?

If you want him to financial support you, you need couple counselling and a reconciliation!

Mauro711 · 07/02/2025 11:21

pennydroppedtoday · 07/02/2025 11:12

£1000 a month for your savings! I've heard it all now.

I hope he's switched on now to ask you for receipts of what your spending the £1000 a month on because you need to be spending that money solely on your children. If you don't spend the full amount each month then you should at minimum be putting it into your children's own bank accounts.

£1000 a month for your future. I'm gobsmacked

Spousal maintenance isn't for the children nor will she need to show receipts for it.

OP, unfortunately both child and spousal maintenance can be changed if circumstances change, even if there is a contract for a set amount of years. So I don't think you have much claim when it comes to keeping it during the current situation. It's there to allow you to get back on your feet if you haven't been earning, but now I would guess you have re-established yourself.

You got to keep a mortgage free house, and I think that was probably considered your future security in the sense that you can sell it and downsize once the children are adults.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/02/2025 11:22

pennydroppedtoday · 07/02/2025 11:12

£1000 a month for your savings! I've heard it all now.

I hope he's switched on now to ask you for receipts of what your spending the £1000 a month on because you need to be spending that money solely on your children. If you don't spend the full amount each month then you should at minimum be putting it into your children's own bank accounts.

£1000 a month for your future. I'm gobsmacked

It's spousal maintenance not child. There's no reason she needs to prove it's gone on the kids.

Op I hope you're reassured him that if he ever loses his job, you're there to financially support him?

Sunat45degrees · 07/02/2025 11:25

Nachotortilla · 07/02/2025 11:10

Yes, thank you. I wasn't looking for opinions based on 'shoulds' but to understand what my options are.
I don't want to have to pay for legal advice because the original court orders were costly. But I suppose if the choice is paying for legal advice or giving up maintenance/part of my salary to go part time and have the kids more, that is the choice. I lose either way.
I supported this man's career as a SAHM for many years. So when he offered the 50-50 for me to re-establish my career, I didn't see why I had to lose out financially because of that. I still don't.

Show quote history

A few hours of legal advice is a lot cheaper than the whole court process you went through previously and will give you a better sense of what your options, rights, and risks are. If you had legal advice then who you liked, using the same lawyer would be a good idea as they know the background.

Mauro711 · 07/02/2025 11:27

You can have a look here: www.mediateuk.co.uk/guide-to-spousal-maintenance/

"IS IT POSSIBLE FOR SPOUSAL MAINTENANCE TO BE CHANGED
Yes, either of the parties involve can apply to the court and vary the spousal maintenance to reduce or increase the amount - but this can only be done if their circumstances have changed. For instance, the paying party's income may have reduced and the recipient's financial needs may have changed or their income may have increased so they don't need as much maintenance as before.
At any moment, either party can apply to the court to have the maintenance capitalised. This means that the payer makes a lump sum payment instead of paying on a monthly basis. This would usually be done if the payer receives a large sum of money, e.g. an inheritance, windfall or they sell a business.
Both parties have the obligation to inform the other person of any significant change in circumstance of financial needs and should give as much notice as possible to any change."

Bethd40 · 07/02/2025 11:34

I can understand you would like to continue to have this safety net but his circumstances have changed, even if he’d just decided to get a lower paying job because he fancied it I can imagine he would still have grounds to get the order changed. I can’t understand why you think he should still be paying this much money when both your circumstances have changed so much and he now has 50/50 with the children? Were your assets including his accumulated pension and inheritance not split at the time of divorce? Aka you getting the marital home? Sounds like you need to go back to court/mediation to decide what to do ongoing

Shrinkingrose · 07/02/2025 11:45

Nachotortilla · 07/02/2025 11:10

Yes, thank you. I wasn't looking for opinions based on 'shoulds' but to understand what my options are.
I don't want to have to pay for legal advice because the original court orders were costly. But I suppose if the choice is paying for legal advice or giving up maintenance/part of my salary to go part time and have the kids more, that is the choice. I lose either way.
I supported this man's career as a SAHM for many years. So when he offered the 50-50 for me to re-establish my career, I didn't see why I had to lose out financially because of that. I still don't.

Show quote history

Are you being disingenuous? Or are you serious when you say you were a stay at home mum purely to support him and you didn’t want to do this at all? As I’m not sure I beleive you. And trying to take his money when he earns about the same to save for your future and using the fact you were a sahm is low.

IkeaJesusChrist · 07/02/2025 11:45

If you lose your job now it's not his problem, I'm genuinely surprised that you seem to think it would be?

Verlaine · 07/02/2025 12:09

Your lack of pension would / should have been taken care of in the initial settlement - not spousal maintenance. I assume getting the house mortgage free was that.

Why would you have to go down to part time now?

You need to understand that, apart from the children, your lives are now totally separate. He has no responsibility towards you.

notatinydancer · 07/02/2025 12:10

Nachotortilla · 07/02/2025 11:07

I'm worried that if I lose my job in future, he won't' support me, if I agree to closing off maintenance now.

Maybe I could agree to reduce it but keep claims open?

I do work full time but I am only one 12 month contracts.

If you lost your job I'd expect you to support yourself and your exh to help support your kids.
Why should he be skint every month now you have a job ?
As you only have your kids half the time use your spare time to save for the future.
Maintenance isn't for saving it's for the cost of the children now.

Original poster
Nachotortilla · 07/02/2025 12:43

Mauro711 · 07/02/2025 11:27

You can have a look here: www.mediateuk.co.uk/guide-to-spousal-maintenance/

"IS IT POSSIBLE FOR SPOUSAL MAINTENANCE TO BE CHANGED
Yes, either of the parties involve can apply to the court and vary the spousal maintenance to reduce or increase the amount - but this can only be done if their circumstances have changed. For instance, the paying party's income may have reduced and the recipient's financial needs may have changed or their income may have increased so they don't need as much maintenance as before.
At any moment, either party can apply to the court to have the maintenance capitalised. This means that the payer makes a lump sum payment instead of paying on a monthly basis. This would usually be done if the payer receives a large sum of money, e.g. an inheritance, windfall or they sell a business.
Both parties have the obligation to inform the other person of any significant change in circumstance of financial needs and should give as much notice as possible to any change."

So he could stop paying the maintenance but if he has had an inheritance, as I believe he has, I could claim on this for a lump sum?

OP posts:
user243245346 · 07/02/2025 12:51

Nachotortilla · 07/02/2025 10:53

But I need the 1k a month to save for my future. I was a SAHM for years and lost out on pension. I also know he's had an inheritance.

Lol- you got the family home as part of the divorce so he could argue he needs the £1000 a month (of his own money) to house himself

Original poster
Nachotortilla · 07/02/2025 12:57

Couldn't I simply recommend that my exh to return to his higher paid job and pay for his own childcare?

I have never put it in writing that he has the children 50-50. I was careful to only agree it verbally. In my mind he has volunteered kindly every week to take the kids during my time and they have agreed to go. If hadn't then my relatives would have helped with childcare.

OP posts:
Mauro711 · 07/02/2025 12:59

Nachotortilla · 07/02/2025 12:43

So he could stop paying the maintenance but if he has had an inheritance, as I believe he has, I could claim on this for a lump sum?

Show quote history

Possibly, but I would imagine it would have to be a pretty significant inheritance since at the moment you are both earning roughly the same but he has a lot more outgoings than you do. If you have money to spend on fighting this you can try it, but personally, if you get a long at the moment and the kids are content I would hesitate to do that. I would hate to give away an inhertitance to my ex husband, especially if it's because someone very close to me has passed away. It could really affect your relationship for a long time.

DwarfPalmetto · 07/02/2025 13:01

Nachotortilla · 07/02/2025 12:43

So he could stop paying the maintenance but if he has had an inheritance, as I believe he has, I could claim on this for a lump sum?

Show quote history

You really do need proper professional legal advice. None of us on here are going to be able to say whether or not you could claim based on the information provided.

IkeaJesusChrist · 07/02/2025 13:15

Nachotortilla · 07/02/2025 12:57

Couldn't I simply recommend that my exh to return to his higher paid job and pay for his own childcare?

I have never put it in writing that he has the children 50-50. I was careful to only agree it verbally. In my mind he has volunteered kindly every week to take the kids during my time and they have agreed to go. If hadn't then my relatives would have helped with childcare.

You can recommend all you like, it doesn't mean he'll have to do it.

As for his inheritance, was that before or after the divorce?

theemmadilemma · 07/02/2025 13:19

Take some responsibility for yourself and lose the bitterness.

Shrinkingrose · 07/02/2025 13:21

Nachotortilla · 07/02/2025 12:57

Couldn't I simply recommend that my exh to return to his higher paid job and pay for his own childcare?

I have never put it in writing that he has the children 50-50. I was careful to only agree it verbally. In my mind he has volunteered kindly every week to take the kids during my time and they have agreed to go. If hadn't then my relatives would have helped with childcare.

Honestly this is shameful op.

ManHereSorry · 07/02/2025 13:22

And people wonder why men are reluctant to get married.

Kisskiss · 07/02/2025 13:25

Nachotortilla · 07/02/2025 10:53

But I need the 1k a month to save for my future. I was a SAHM for years and lost out on pension. I also know he's had an inheritance.

you were compensated by getting a higher share of the marital home…
you are sounding slightly unreasonable here… being married to you in the past shouldn’t mean he’s punished financially forever

CornishTickler · 07/02/2025 13:30

I think you'll get a nasty surprise if you return to court OP.

My DHs ex tried the same as you and the female judge laughed her out of court after roasting her solicitor.

Assuming you've got the house then a financial settlement has been reached and the question of pensions has already been settled.

He can apply to the court for a variation of the order and it certainly wouldn't cost him the money you are thinking it will.

I'd get legal advice and be careful of shooting yourself in the foot. Your arguments don't hold any water and you could look very foolish.

Shinyandnew1 · 07/02/2025 13:32

Couldn't I simply recommend that my exh to return to his higher paid job and pay for his own childcare?

Yes do that. Let us know what the judge says Grin

Lurker85 · 07/02/2025 13:35

Nachotortilla · 07/02/2025 12:57

Couldn't I simply recommend that my exh to return to his higher paid job and pay for his own childcare?

I have never put it in writing that he has the children 50-50. I was careful to only agree it verbally. In my mind he has volunteered kindly every week to take the kids during my time and they have agreed to go. If hadn't then my relatives would have helped with childcare.

And he could recommend you get a better paid job. You’ve said yourself his outgoings are bigger than his incomings, so you think your need to save for the future is more important than him feeding himself and your kids on his time? Disgraceful

Shinyandnew1 · 07/02/2025 13:42

He changed his job to a lower paying, more flexible one so he could have the kids more. Our earnings are probably now about equal. I got the biggest share of the MH so I don't have a mortgage. He does have a mortgage. He claims the living costs + maintenance amount to more than he earns*

I agree with him and good for him for wanting the kids more. The agreement has changed so the finances need to change accordingly. That £1000 a month needs to be to secure his future, not yours.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 07/02/2025 13:45

Why don't you think you should be fair and reasonable with the father of your children?

What about demonstrating morals and integrity?

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