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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Maintenance after change of circumstances

81 replies

Nachotortilla · 07/02/2025 09:37

Hi there.

I was awarded spousal maintenance + child maintenance as part of a 'global' order three years ago. I was not working at the time.

About a year after the order was made I agreed an informal 50-50 arrangement with exh and returned to full time work.

The global order expires in two years' time but my exh wants to end it now.

He says I no longer need the spousal support and with 50-50 established no child support should be payable.

Can he do this?

He changed his job to a lower paying, more flexible one so he could have the kids more. Our earnings are probably now about equal. I got the biggest share of the MH so I don't have a mortgage. He does have a mortgage. He claims the living costs + maintenance amount to more than he earns.

But the job change, the 50-50 and buying a mortgaged home were all his choices, made after he agreed the global order.

Anyone have any thoughts?

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 07/02/2025 09:38

My thoughts would be he is correct. But you need legal advice.

Original poster
Nachotortilla · 07/02/2025 09:47

Even if he is correct, what can he do?
Wouldn't the costs of taking this to court be as much as the maintenance he is left to pay (1k pcm) for two years (24k)?
He's threatening to return the kids to me so he doesn't have to fund so much of their daily costs. Under the original court order he can as the 50-50 is voluntary. I guess my trump card is he won't want to give up time with the kids.

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 07/02/2025 10:08

well morally he’s 100% correct

legally he can’t stop without a variation which he can request

and if he does so it’s likely to be approved based on what you says here

and you’re being totally unfair to him!

millymollymoomoo · 07/02/2025 10:09

And why should he not change job to accommodate 50:50? Perfectly fair to do so

UnemployedNotRetired · 07/02/2025 10:10

Strictly speaking he needs to return to court to have the order changed.

>> Wouldn't the costs of taking this to court be as much as the maintenance he is left to pay (1k pcm) for two years (24k)?

Perhaps, but the reverse is also true. If he stops paying, it would cost you to return to court to enforce and they may not side with you.

Maybe there's a mid-way point that sensible people could agree?

SleepingStandingUp · 07/02/2025 10:15

So he took a pay cut to similar to your wages to step up and have the kids 50/50 but you think he should pay you 1k a month as punishment even if it affects your kids because they'll miss out on things with him? You must really hate him.

I'd try to centre your children in this. What is best for them?

millymollymoomoo · 07/02/2025 10:30

And she took more of assets so already had her ‘compensation ’

this is why people should always fight against a spousal maintenance claim!

UnemployedNotRetired · 07/02/2025 10:31

Whilst you should either agree or go back to court as I said above ... this is how things will be depicted:

Mother and father earn the same.
Mother and father have kids the same.
Mother (it seems) got more assets in divorce so has lower housing costs. Mother, I assume, also gets Child Benefit.
Therefore father should pay her £1,000 a month for the next two years.

Verlaine · 07/02/2025 10:35

Why are you trying to rip him off? Does that benefit your children?

Surely him working less hours and spending more time with them is beneficial.

You’ve already got compensation and have NO mortgage.
You earn the same.
You have the kids 50/50

But you want him to give you £1k a month. Why?!

mitogoshigg · 07/02/2025 10:39

He can request a variation which shouldn't cost very much and you can do the right thing yourself

Original poster
Nachotortilla · 07/02/2025 10:53

But I need the 1k a month to save for my future. I was a SAHM for years and lost out on pension. I also know he's had an inheritance.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nachotortilla · 07/02/2025 10:54

UnemployedNotRetired · 07/02/2025 10:10

Strictly speaking he needs to return to court to have the order changed.

>> Wouldn't the costs of taking this to court be as much as the maintenance he is left to pay (1k pcm) for two years (24k)?

Perhaps, but the reverse is also true. If he stops paying, it would cost you to return to court to enforce and they may not side with you.

Maybe there's a mid-way point that sensible people could agree?

Is it correct that if he just decided to stop paying I would have to take him to court?
Surely he'd be fined in court for breaching the order?

OP posts:
CaptainFuture · 07/02/2025 10:56

SleepingStandingUp · 07/02/2025 10:15

So he took a pay cut to similar to your wages to step up and have the kids 50/50 but you think he should pay you 1k a month as punishment even if it affects your kids because they'll miss out on things with him? You must really hate him.

I'd try to centre your children in this. What is best for them?

This, what a petty reasoning op.
Are you spending the maintenance on the dc or you?

CaptainFuture · 07/02/2025 10:56

Nachotortilla · 07/02/2025 10:53

But I need the 1k a month to save for my future. I was a SAHM for years and lost out on pension. I also know he's had an inheritance.

The maintenance isn't for your future, is for the children now.
Totally grim.

pandapopadance · 07/02/2025 10:59

Are you having a laugh? You got more of a split at the beginning to make up for your loss of pension.
The money should be spent on your kids not your pension! You're going to cripple your ex and make your kids pay the price. This is not reasonable at all.

Bethd40 · 07/02/2025 11:00

Nachotortilla · 07/02/2025 10:53

But I need the 1k a month to save for my future. I was a SAHM for years and lost out on pension. I also know he's had an inheritance.

Surely his pension and inheritance (if received during the marriage) were taken account of during the split of assets on divorce?

Sunat45degrees · 07/02/2025 11:07

I suspect there's a LOT here that you're leaving out. On the surface, it certainly seems like he should not have to continue to pay at the current level. If 50/50 was always an option, did the court order say what would happen to spousal maintenance and child maintenance if he took that up? I would think that certainly the child maintenance would be reduced if he was in a position to take up the 50/50 even if the spousal maintenance was maintained to compensate you for the financial loss you experienced during the marriage.

I would 100% sugget that you get proper legal advice. Someone who can review the order as written, take the new circumstances into account, and then advise accordingly. The moral/ethical views of people on MN are completely irrelevant to the legal reality.

Original poster
Nachotortilla · 07/02/2025 11:07

I'm worried that if I lose my job in future, he won't' support me, if I agree to closing off maintenance now.

Maybe I could agree to reduce it but keep claims open?

I do work full time but I am only one 12 month contracts.

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 07/02/2025 11:10

Nachotortilla · 07/02/2025 11:07

I'm worried that if I lose my job in future, he won't' support me, if I agree to closing off maintenance now.

Maybe I could agree to reduce it but keep claims open?

I do work full time but I am only one 12 month contracts.

He shouldn’t have to support you in the future: spousal maintenance is to bridge the earnings gap left because you’ve taken time out of the workplace and need time to build up your earning potential. You’ve done that now, and if you were made redundant would be able to apply for jobs at the same level as you currently work at - just as if he were made redundant you wouldn’t expect to financially support him, you’d expect him to look for work.

Original poster
Nachotortilla · 07/02/2025 11:10

Sunat45degrees · 07/02/2025 11:07

I suspect there's a LOT here that you're leaving out. On the surface, it certainly seems like he should not have to continue to pay at the current level. If 50/50 was always an option, did the court order say what would happen to spousal maintenance and child maintenance if he took that up? I would think that certainly the child maintenance would be reduced if he was in a position to take up the 50/50 even if the spousal maintenance was maintained to compensate you for the financial loss you experienced during the marriage.

I would 100% sugget that you get proper legal advice. Someone who can review the order as written, take the new circumstances into account, and then advise accordingly. The moral/ethical views of people on MN are completely irrelevant to the legal reality.

Yes, thank you. I wasn't looking for opinions based on 'shoulds' but to understand what my options are.
I don't want to have to pay for legal advice because the original court orders were costly. But I suppose if the choice is paying for legal advice or giving up maintenance/part of my salary to go part time and have the kids more, that is the choice. I lose either way.
I supported this man's career as a SAHM for many years. So when he offered the 50-50 for me to re-establish my career, I didn't see why I had to lose out financially because of that. I still don't.

OP posts:
pennydroppedtoday · 07/02/2025 11:12

£1000 a month for your savings! I've heard it all now.

I hope he's switched on now to ask you for receipts of what your spending the £1000 a month on because you need to be spending that money solely on your children. If you don't spend the full amount each month then you should at minimum be putting it into your children's own bank accounts.

£1000 a month for your future. I'm gobsmacked

Kitchensinktoday · 07/02/2025 11:16

ComtesseDeSpair · 07/02/2025 11:10

He shouldn’t have to support you in the future: spousal maintenance is to bridge the earnings gap left because you’ve taken time out of the workplace and need time to build up your earning potential. You’ve done that now, and if you were made redundant would be able to apply for jobs at the same level as you currently work at - just as if he were made redundant you wouldn’t expect to financially support him, you’d expect him to look for work.

Edited
Show quote history

This! Edited to add that he is not your meal ticket for life

UnemployedNotRetired · 07/02/2025 11:16

Nachotortilla · 07/02/2025 10:54

Is it correct that if he just decided to stop paying I would have to take him to court?
Surely he'd be fined in court for breaching the order?

Show quote history

Yes, ultimately you'd have to go back to court. No they wouldn't fine him, though they could set up enforcement actions (eg. deduct from wages, seize property, etc.). Or, they could look again at the order ...

A good solicitor could advise, but I think they'd suggest trying to come to an agreement between yourselves first, or using a mediator, before going back to court.

iamnotalemon · 07/02/2025 11:17

You don't have a mortgage and still want the £1,000 a month. Wow! You sound really entitled.

UncharteredWaters · 07/02/2025 11:18

Nachotortilla · 07/02/2025 11:07

I'm worried that if I lose my job in future, he won't' support me, if I agree to closing off maintenance now.

Maybe I could agree to reduce it but keep claims open?

I do work full time but I am only one 12 month contracts.

He’s not your husband - he’s not responsible for supporting your unemployment if it happens - YOU ARE!!