Can my ex Force sale on family home when I can’t afford mortgage/rent?

[Divorceerookie]

I am wondering as my ex has recently decided he wants 50/50 with everything.
He recently out the blue said he wanted the kids (4&10) 50% after refusing to have them more only a few months previously. He then stated he wants 50% of finances after previously getting a separation agreement drawn up stating approx 80/20 out of house as he owns another property and has savings.

The house is in his name, we got married November 22 and he left the family home August 23. Long relationship but shorter marriage.
family home and his other property are owned outright, family home worth approximately 415, other property approx 125.

i have always worked around the kids as I am the primary parent. I am a TA in their school so low income, I have debt too accumulated by trying to stay a float these last couple of years.

he’s saying he will force the sale of the house to get the money.

I am so anxious about this.
I cannot stop him having our children 50% the time and am currently trying to negotiate this despite this breaking my heart!

been DV over the years and finances has always been one of them.

can he force the sale ?

I have no way of getting a mortgage or renting
where I live average price for a small 3 bed is a min of 350k

I am terrified if he forces the sale of the house I won’t be able to afford to house the children. I don’t want to loose them!

any experience/ knowledge/ advice would be welcome ☺️

I could be wrong, but the length of the relationship will be taken into account - not just the length of the marriage. If you have been together 12 years, that will be taken into to account.

If there has been DV including financial abuse then trust me, you do not want to get stuck in a Mesher Order arrangement with this man. If you cannot afford the mortgage on your own earnings then it would be very easy for him to simply quit his job and force a repossession. Rationally, 6 years having a repossession on his credit file will beat 14 years stuck with a Mesher Order and let's be honest, he doesn't sound like the kind of guy who is going to prioritise you.

Similarly for spousal maintenance; the scepticism on here is because it is rare but also I would add that a payer who doesn't want to pay it will find a way to terminate it. Also, I don't think having cancer will increase your claim. At least, not if you can do a physically demanding job in a school as a teaching assistant now.

All this aside, the court will only use Mesher Orders and spousal maintenance as a last resort and for as short a period as possible. They are also more than likely to tell you that whilst working as a TA is okay whilst you have a 4 year old you should be aiming to work in a job offering more hours by the time the youngest is 7 and full time by the time they are 11.

My advice would be to go to Citizens' Advice and work out what benefits you are entitled to. People with no income at all pay the rent through housing benefit so there will be a way you can too. Once you've done that, you need to think about how you can increase your earning capacity over the next few years. It might even work out better for you if he stayed in the house and paid you your share of the equity in a few years time when you earn more and are in a position to buy too. That would allow you to claim UC for your rent.

It's not just Mumsnet. For a more sober account of how SM is becoming less and less likely, check out the Financial Remedies Journal's year in review.

Historically being the primary carer or having cancer wouldn't necessarily be relevant. Spousal maintenance is paid if the potential recipient can prove they have a need and that the payer can afford to pay it. A number of factors have made spousal maintenance less likely despite following a law that is half a century old:

1. Society's expectation that both parents will work nowadays. Whereas in the past the primary parent could reasonably argue to stay at home, nowadays recipients are expected to maximise their earning capacity and become financially independent;

2. This expectation that single parents will work is also a matter of public policy as expressed through eligibility requirements for universal credit.

3. Since a formula was introduced for child maintenance, the courts have been on a slow journey to accept these figures alone as the appropriate levels of payment to meet the needs of the children.

In the OP's case, her ability to work as a TA (a physically and mentally demanding job, albeit extremely poorly paid) would negate any claim that cancer impacts her ability to work too.

Thank you for your input

my contract ends in July

i will be a fully level 5 qualified counsellor by that point and looking to earn as much as possible

however it being self employed this may take some time to build my clients

mirtgsge companies want at least 2 years books is my understanding

so I’m a few years off being able to potentially get a mortgage

also shoukd add
I’ve been off sick from work due to my cancer since July last year
this will be me attempting to go back to work after my cancer diagnoses
I also have further scans in April so dependant on them I might need further surgery and treatments

he’s really done all this at the most shitty time

If you aren't already you should claim pip for the side effects from your cancer treatment . I hope you are better soon and you're settlement allows you to start again and thrive without this man .

Don't forget as well as the two properties any pensions and savings will be in the pot.

You might be able to get more of the house equity in a trade off for leaving his pension alone - I assume he has a bigger pension than you as the main earner?

You might also get more than 50% as the lower earner and less able to get a mortgage.

If you don't have enough money to buy the house you want you could buy a chunk of a shared ownership property and pay rent on the remaining portion. You can claim universal credit to help you pay the rent if you are eligible.

My friend does shared ownership and they have quite hefty outgoings because of paying rent and mortgage
plus my credit is not good anymore after getting in debt covering living costs since he left in 8/23
she said you need good credit for a shared ownership 🤔

You won't need a mortgage because you can buy your share outright - the mortgage is what you would need the good credit for I would think.

You can claim universal credit towards paying your rent if your income and savings level means that you are eligible. Millions of people claim help from universal credit to top up their income and pay their rent.

@Divorceerookie Please make an appointment with CAB. There is so much here to unpick and i think you'd do well with finding out what you can do, what your benefit entitlement will be. As I said, start a CMS claim. Don't mess about with that. I have a lot of empathy with your situation as I dealt with similar while having cancer. You can only take control of what you have. Let him take you to court, let him stamp his feet. Ultimately, it will be ok.

Make sure you register your interest in the exs other property so he can't sell it and disappear the money.

Although the marriage is short, the relationship is long and this will be taken into account and so I would be surprised if the second property wouldn't be included especially as you would struggle to house yourself without it.

Even with 50/50 childcare you should be due more then 50% of all assets considering your lower earning potential and taking a back seat to his career. Make sure that both properties and pensions are included. Surely even 50% of two whole houses is enough to get a small 2 bed flat as a worst case?

I would ask your solicitor if your debts can be taken into account as ex has not been supporting his children. Either way claim cm for gods sake!

I know it's hard as you are so useless to him being a controlling arsehole, but this is a chance to build a better future for yourself. Stop dancing to his tune and push for everything you deserve!!

Well done on the qualification, that's fab!!!

Also if he is a high earner then even on 50/50 childcare you may be owned maintenance.

If he's a high earner make it clear to him you intend to go after half his flat and his pension as well and see a good solicitor. You say you have cancer, I'm so sorry, do you have life insurance? I didn't realise till mid last year our life insurance also has critical illness that pays out for certain illnesses and certain cancers were covered. It was varying amounts for different stages/grades, just incase you have it and maybe also have the same and were unaware.

Had a solicitor feedback they think it’s likely I could get what the separation agreement said, which my ex had drawn up in Feb 2024.
350k out of the pot to me to adequately house me and kids. Need a 3 bed as boy 10, girl 4, not appropriate for them to share. And that would give my ex approx 200k from property plus any savings / investments he has. And with his wage he can get a mortgage to get a 3 bed house.

does this seem reasonable ?
I’d be happy with this

does mean selling and downsizing. But better than not being able to afford anything.

This seems like a pretty normal outcome. Much more normal than a Mesher Order, especially with that much equity.

OP, if you get 50% of the value of both properties, that is £270k

Have you considered the value of his pension as well? That would be considered a shared asset as well. If he has £100k in a pension, that would give you the extra £50k to top up to £320k.

I really do t want to take from his pension.

I think what I’m asking for is fair.
just enough to buy a home I can afford for me and the kids
somewhere between 325-350k would do that
obviously my solicitor (spoke this morning) wants to push for 350k

he did have other savings but I think he spent it all

Depends on the price of a 3 bed in your area and your earning capacity/ability to get a mortgage.

Honestly...get a bit angry and stop being so nice to him.

Start claiming child maintenance from him. It's money for your kids and it's far better than running up more debt.

Secondly, the 50/50 is for 2 reasons. Firstly he wants to get out of paying you as much money and secondly he wants to impress the new girlfriend. I'd suggest saying that you are open to considering changing the current arrangements but that more detail would need to be given before making any agreement. Ask him to confirm he will be doing school pick up and drop offs on his day, that on his days he will pick the kids up if they're ill at school, that he'll pay 50/50 for uniform/school trips/school events/school dinners, etc. If he wants 50/50...make sure he knows what that means because it's not have the kids sleep over at Disney Dad's house while you pick up all the day to day shite.

@PositiveLife Or maybe this father - who you don't know from Adam - just wants to raise his children?

Is your name on the house deeds?

You could easily argue that the debt is due to no maintenance but you need to be asking for it.

It may not be a 50:50 split but it maybe not be 100% your way either.

If the court awards 50:50 time with each parent - make damn sure he does his part, holidays, sick days, appts and back to court if he doesn’t. That CAO will be in place before you get your court date for finances etc so show that he’s not doing 50%.

If you think he’s neglecting them/ left somewhere unsuitable - not just somewhere you don’t like then involve social work/police as appropriate.

It’s time to play him at his own game.

Then he wouldn't have refused when she offered more contact 🙄

Typical blinkered Mumsnet response 🙄

Given the OP is unwell, I can hazard a guess that only one person is earning any money for the children. It is such a typical Mumsnet response to simply not includr work as a contribution that needs to be done or that it might impact someone's ability to do 50/50 if they are left doing the lion's share of paid work. Mumsnetters only recognise work as something requiring some effort when they're fighting for spousal maintenance instead of doing their share of it 😂

I’ve worked throughout my cancer diagnosis
except for after surgery as I wasn’t able to move properly.

I’ve worked and was the only one paying and raising our son for the first few years of his life as ex refused to pay anything.

when we got back together he told me how sorry he was and wanted to do right by me and our 2nd. To be better.

I believed him. Covid hit, lost my job.
I went back to work after finding out he’d spent so much money and couldn’t afford to pay bills. Our daughter was 18 months.
I’ve worked since then with him again refusing maintenance and now trying to take as much as he can so I am left unable to house the children.

Even 50% of the joint properties would put you in a good position. With that much equity, you should be able to get a mortgage. A 50% plus deposit makes you very low risk for the lender.

Try not to panic, even your worst case scenario, you would be a good prospect as a tenant as you can show several years of rent in savings and can pay 6 or 12 months upfront if necessary. Selling the house will be best for you. You can clear your debt and start your single life in a good financial position.

@ShinyShona Did you actually read the thread? The OP works and does not receive maintenance and has been the sole provider for her child.