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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Can my ex Force sale on family home when I can’t afford mortgage/rent?

55 replies

Divorceerookie · 07/01/2025 18:17

I am wondering as my ex has recently decided he wants 50/50 with everything.
He recently out the blue said he wanted the kids (4&10) 50% after refusing to have them more only a few months previously. He then stated he wants 50% of finances after previously getting a separation agreement drawn up stating approx 80/20 out of house as he owns another property and has savings.

The house is in his name, we got married November 22 and he left the family home August 23. Long relationship but shorter marriage.
family home and his other property are owned outright, family home worth approximately 415, other property approx 125.

i have always worked around the kids as I am the primary parent. I am a TA in their school so low income, I have debt too accumulated by trying to stay a float these last couple of years.

he’s saying he will force the sale of the house to get the money.

I am so anxious about this.
I cannot stop him having our children 50% the time and am currently trying to negotiate this despite this breaking my heart!

been DV over the years and finances has always been one of them.

can he force the sale ?

I have no way of getting a mortgage or renting
where I live average price for a small 3 bed is a min of 350k

I am terrified if he forces the sale of the house I won’t be able to afford to house the children. I don’t want to loose them!

any experience/ knowledge/ advice would be welcome ☺️

OP posts:
Wonderingpigeon · 07/01/2025 18:26

I don't know legalities but if it's ordered 50/50 he can. Has the financial order gone through? What has your solicitor advised?

Would shared ownership be an option in your area and staircase up if things improve? Some schemes through local area are more accessible and take benefits top up into account rather than private renting.

Edit: or rent to buy might be easier accessed with low income and give you time to sort out?

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 07/01/2025 18:28

Houses would usually be ordered for sale, yes. You may get a larger percentage of the proceeds if you gave up your career/hours for joint DC etc.

50/50 children’s time is also increasingly the norm and often the starting point now.

You need to see a lawyer.

grumpyoldeyeore · 07/01/2025 18:53

He’s asking for DC 50:50 so he argue you have equal housing needs eg both need a 2/3 bed house. The court would look at benefits you can access and he would be likely to argue you could get a shared ownership property with your share (and benefits towards the rent / service charges).

Original poster
Divorceerookie · 07/01/2025 19:08

I wouldn’t get approved as my credit isn’t great now I have so much debt. Also my wage is low so that affects it.
50/50 with kids so can’t really claim much on benefits either.

OP posts:
NeverEverOhNo · 07/01/2025 19:11

I suggest you start court proceedings. They will want a full financial disclosure. They will then look to see what you both need to move on, and allocate the pot as required.

Quitelikeit · 07/01/2025 19:14

He’s bluffing you

he only wants 50/50 so he can reduce his maintenance

say nope and make him take you to court - represent yourself

Abracadabra12 · 07/01/2025 19:16

If he wants a 50-50 split on finances, why does he think the other house he owns is exempt from this? Surely it's 50% of all marital assets?

No33 · 07/01/2025 19:19

Quitelikeit · 07/01/2025 19:14

He’s bluffing you

he only wants 50/50 so he can reduce his maintenance

say nope and make him take you to court - represent yourself

I agree with this.

Current situation with my kids dad. He's been saying it for the past 5 years. Never takes me to court though.

Original poster
Divorceerookie · 07/01/2025 19:22

I don’t ask for any maintenance
if he pays then he pays if he doesn’t I don’t chase

it’s not worth the hassle
all I want is a secure home for me and the kids
i wsnt them more than 50% Asher dad doesn’t provide a secure environment for them, nothing he does is in their best interests.

he often leaves them with his parents at their over crowded home or sleeping over another he’s gf’s house

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 07/01/2025 19:23

Well

he can’t force a sale
a court can

youll need to divorce and as part of that agree financial settlement
all assets will be in the pot

him having children 50% doesn’t change his housing needs - even eow he’d need suitable house to accommodate him and children

Courts will prioritise housing childen but that doesn’t mean with an owned/morthaged property, they deem renting is ok

longer term you need to consider alternatives to TA as it’s notoriously low paid

see a solicitor and see what they advise

Viviennemary · 07/01/2025 19:27

I think he can under the circumstances but he will need a court order. Who is going to pay the mortgage. I don't think you can expect him to pay the mortgage and pay for somewhere for him to live in as well. You have had a very short marriage. But you just need to secure the best deal you can. You should be entitled to universal credit to help with rent.

Original poster
Divorceerookie · 07/01/2025 19:31

He currently has a 1 bed flat but has demanded 50/50 start now
have child arrangements court in February.

I am a TA because up until now kids been with me a majority so had to work with what fitted around them.

this year I should qualify as a counsellor so opportunity to earn more but that’s self employed.

rent is 1500-1600 for 3 bed where I live
I wouldn’t be able to afford renting
plus I have asked and a lot of the agencies have said be unlikely I’d get approved for renting due to my credit history and low income.

I also have a lot of health issues. I currently have cancer and am receiving treatment.

OP posts:
Original poster
Divorceerookie · 07/01/2025 19:33

There is no mortgage on either properties

OP posts:
Didntask · 07/01/2025 19:40

It will be based on needs. Yes, if you go 50/50 with the kids (I'm guessing he might think differently when it comes to school runs, days off when kids are sick etc 🙄), yes, there is a need for both of you to be housed appropriately BUT your potential earning ability will be considered. Whilst you will need to maximise what you earn, the fact that you've sacrificed your earning ability over the years to be the main carer for your children, thus allwoing your stbx to maintain and progress his earning ability holds some value - you can't be suddenly expected to be able to earn the same as your stbx, so you could be awarded more because of that.

Saying all that, it's all guessing games really until its signed off in court. Do not go into this without proper representation.

TheFormidableMrsC · 07/01/2025 19:45

He'll have to take you to court. He's unlikely to get a 50/50 split with young kids and him having another property. You need legal advice. Speak to CAB, Rights of Women (be persistent) and possibly Women's Aid. Do you and your kids a favour and open a claim with the child maintenance service. None of this is good enough and you need to fight fire with fire. Have you claimed UC?

AquaPeer · 07/01/2025 19:56

I think your main issue is that it’s very unlikely you’ll get what you want-I.e 100% of the family home.
It is fair that you split the proceeds/ value of both the family home and the flat by whatever % the court orders, but it’s unlikely to be reasonable for you to just have the house.

Mortgage aside, can you afford the bills from a TA salary?

you'll have to go to court and get a divorce and that will delay the sale, buying you some time

Original poster
Divorceerookie · 07/01/2025 20:02

I am not seeking 100% of the house
just enough equity so approx 350 out of house and he keeps everything else.
this was what was originally drawn up in the operation agreement he had a solicitor draw up Feb 2023 but he’s back tracked on everything since getting a new gf.

I am currently managing the bills… there is no mortgage on the property.
I have always had kids full time up until now he’s asked 50/50 childcare arrangements.
I have been working and training as a counsellor which would give me more earning potential but of course this takes time, and self employed so that affects ability to maybe eventually get a mortgage.

OP posts:
myslippersarepink · 07/01/2025 20:04

Also your debt is also his debt in the marital asset pot. All credits and debits go together and then amounts are worked out.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 07/01/2025 20:10

longer term you need to consider alternatives to TA as it’s notoriously low paid

This is a good point; you will be expected to maximise your income. You won’t likely get a settlement based on being able to stay on term-time/school hours for any real length of time, unless DC are very young.

Original poster
Divorceerookie · 07/01/2025 20:14

our mediator said only debt that occurred in the marriage counts

I’ve only occurred debt since he left so that I could survive financially.
this is when he refused to have the children more than the 1-2 nights a week

now he’s switched it that he wants them 50% the time
however I cannot get anyone if job with my skill set as I’ve been main carer for over 10 years now
i wouldn't be able to afford childcare costs to cover the holidays or before/ after school
which is why my plan is to stay as TA and work extra as a self employed counsellor. That takes time to build courts though.
then might be able to pay abit of my debt off

OP posts:
Unicorntearsofgin · 07/01/2025 20:16

Remember all assets go into the pot to be divided. That includes debts and assets. All the properties owned should be included and don’t forget about his pension as that could be a bargaining chip for a greater equity share.

In terms of housing there will be a drop in living standard as there is less coming in so have a look at what is realistic for you.

Could you look at 2 bed properties? Kids can share or if needs be a living room could double as a bedroom. Could it be a flat or a maisonette? See what the options are and don’t give up.

LovelessRutting · 07/01/2025 20:18

Mumsnet is notoriously sceptical of people being awarded spousal maintenance but you sound like you have a good case for it being both the historic primary carer and having cancer. Have you had any legal advice? Is he a high earner?

Original poster
Divorceerookie · 07/01/2025 20:21

I have a boy 10 and girl 4 so that wouldn’t work sharing a room really.

he has a flat he could sell (125k) and a good wage so he can get a mortgage

i have looked and been told not likely for me to get a mortgage or be able to rent.

Would a court look at that and it be more likely that I can stay in the family home till kids are 18 then do a 50/50 split ?

🤔

OP posts:
Original poster
Divorceerookie · 07/01/2025 20:25

I don’t know his exact wage as he’s changed job role for the company
but it’s obviously enough to get a mortgage as he said about it in mediation.

I have had legal advice and they have said there’s a case for me to argue to receive more equity out of the family home however that was when I had the kids the majority

he’s asked for 50/50 with kids as he thinks that will result in 50/50 on finances

OP posts:
FatFiatMultiplaWhopper · 07/01/2025 20:29

The house is in his name. It's a short marriage. I'd be surprised if he didn't get at least 50% of the equity.