Husband wants to separate. I think I’ve known for a long time that it would probably happen at some stage as things have not been very happy for a long time. His decision, though. I was simply informed it would be happening. He is expecting that we present this as a joint decision to our 2 x DC (DD11 & DS9).
At first I was all for this to stop his relationship with kids being affected, however over time (it’s been several weeks) I feel whatever version of our story we give to the children we should also give to everyone else in case anything gets back to them. It’s now clear that I cannot go through this pretending I’m fine/it was a joint decision as I need support.
His view = we are both responsible for the relationship breaking down therefore it’s presented as a joint decision to them.
My view = it turns out he decided approx 8 years ago he would be ending our marriage and has waited until now to do it. I could have moved heaven and earth, had a personality transplant etc. but it would have been a lost cause. He is adamant nothing could have saved the relationship from his perspective. I don’t think it’s fair to me to have to take the pain of the separation and ultimate divorce, missing 50% of my kids lives, financial ruin AND then also have to pretend it was my choice as much as his.
I know our children and they will ask whose decision it was when we tell them. I don’t want to lie. I want him to take responsibility for the decision to split but I don’t want to completely ruin his relationship with his children and make him the bad guy.
What the hell do I do? Is it worth me taking one for the team here (and ruining any ounce of self worth I have left….)? Things are currently pretty amicable, so this is in jeopardy if I decide to go against the narrative he wants to present.