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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Help please. He wants his money back.

92 replies

Badgertime · 26/10/2024 16:13

Separated in 2015 with 3 children. I left the family home. He stayed in it. He sold last year as he couldn't afford to pay his mortgage so I let him lodge at ours.
He sold for 450K and I think there was around 100K mortgage left. He gave me 40K to give back to my mum (I'd borrowed from her to get my place for the kids) and 40K to put in savings.
He took the rest for himself along with the proceeds of another house he sold a few years ago (his before we married but had during).
I've just started divorce proceedings and asked him to find his own place on advice of solicitor but he's said he can't leave until he gets his money back. He would have had around 220 K left at least in cash.
I left with nothing 2015 and he was on a good income. He gave up work a few years ago to do trading online.
He's been living here with me working full time and paying all the bills (including his). He does give some money for the kids monthly but I've nothing to fall back on if I give him back the money.
My net income is 1700 pcm even though I work f/t.
He gave up his job in 2017/18 to day trade from home and that's what he's been doing since and has been for the last year. I have no idea what his finances are now.

Do I give him back some/ all of the money for him to move out or wait for a financial order later on?
He seems to think I should give everything back to him but obviously, some of that money is no longer available.

I'm trying not to rack up bills with the solicitor but he's adamant now he wants it back in order to move out.

I know I made a huge mistake not divorcing years ago ( I didn't have the money or the backbone).
I know I made a huge mistake letting him back thinking he could have changed and we'd be better off as a family.

I tried mediation some years ago but he pulled out the day before.

OP posts:
Farmgoose · 26/10/2024 16:21

Is the current property a rental in your name? Why doesn’t he think half the proceeds of the sale of the family home (at least) are owed to you?

Original poster
Badgertime · 26/10/2024 16:24

I own a 25% share and pay the rest in rent (all in my name). The family home was in his name only.

OP posts:
Original poster
Badgertime · 26/10/2024 16:26

Farmgoose · 26/10/2024 16:21

Is the current property a rental in your name? Why doesn’t he think half the proceeds of the sale of the family home (at least) are owed to you?

I don't know but clearly he believes I don't. We bought it while we were married.

OP posts:
MrsKwazi · 26/10/2024 16:29

‘Trader’ or gambler?

Check your credit report.

I wouldn’t give him anything, but as you’re not divorced he might be entitled to half anyway.

SauviGone · 26/10/2024 16:30

He’s given up his job and spent the past several years no doubt running up debt whilst he pretends that his job is to “day trade from home” whatever the hell that means gambling . If you’re wondering where the proceeds of the sale of the family home have gone, there’s your answer.

He’s really mugged you off and it sounds like it’s now going to cost you half of your savings to get rid of him.

He probably is now entitled to half of your savings, some of your share of your own property, and it’s likely he has nothing to share with you because he’s already spent it all.

This is one of those situations where money you lay out on a solicitor is going to be money well spent. You’ve been very foolish, time to wise up and take some good legal advice.

Mumofoneandone · 26/10/2024 16:39

Think you need to get some legal advice very quickly. Make a note of the financial set up before you go - as it sounds like you don't owe him anything and he's trying it on!
You obviously made a mistake letting him live with you again. Surely he knew this was temporary? Stop doing anything for him or paying his bills etc. Ensure he goes and does his 'trading work ' out of the house during the day. Make his life uncomfortable.
I would be inclined to get some advice about how to move him out ie can you just wait until he is out and change the locks. Pack his things up for him to collect.

Original poster
Badgertime · 26/10/2024 16:39

SauviGone · 26/10/2024 16:30

He’s given up his job and spent the past several years no doubt running up debt whilst he pretends that his job is to “day trade from home” whatever the hell that means gambling . If you’re wondering where the proceeds of the sale of the family home have gone, there’s your answer.

He’s really mugged you off and it sounds like it’s now going to cost you half of your savings to get rid of him.

He probably is now entitled to half of your savings, some of your share of your own property, and it’s likely he has nothing to share with you because he’s already spent it all.

This is one of those situations where money you lay out on a solicitor is going to be money well spent. You’ve been very foolish, time to wise up and take some good legal advice.

Yes, hence why he couldn't pay his mortgage last year.
The solicitor also told me to check my report so I'll do that now.

I know. Exceedingly foolish.

OP posts:
Original poster
Badgertime · 26/10/2024 16:41

She said to give him a date to move out and if he doesn't that she'd send him a letter.

OP posts:
Spirallingdownwards · 26/10/2024 16:41

If you are in England and Wales then do not give him anything back If anything he has done you out of money. Time to lawyer up!!!

Original poster
Badgertime · 26/10/2024 16:42

....if I give money now, it's likely that will disappear too before a financial order is made anyway right meaning I'd have less to share.

I'm so bloody confused and angry.

OP posts:
Original poster
Badgertime · 26/10/2024 16:43

Yes, in England.

OP posts:
MSLRT · 26/10/2024 16:51

Bag up his stuff and change the locks. Put everything in the garage. Don’t give him any more chances. And don’t pay him a penny back.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 26/10/2024 17:00

@Badgertime how much of the proceeds of the sale of the family home did you receive? who received the 40k for savings? did you receive half after repaying your mum back? what is he expecting to give you back?? and from where??

Delphiniumandlupins · 26/10/2024 17:10

I hope you did repay the loan to your mother and that is now safe from any claim from him.

Original poster
Badgertime · 26/10/2024 17:11

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 26/10/2024 17:00

@Badgertime how much of the proceeds of the sale of the family home did you receive? who received the 40k for savings? did you receive half after repaying your mum back? what is he expecting to give you back?? and from where??

Edited

Altogether 80K (some in savings and some to pay my mum back) out of 350 K.

He wants it all back but 40K is tied up in my share so effectively I'd have to sell it.

I have paid for everything during the past year so he's been able to 'save' including all the bills, groceries, car, school trips and birthdays etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Badgertime · 26/10/2024 17:12

Delphiniumandlupins · 26/10/2024 17:10

I hope you did repay the loan to your mother and that is now safe from any claim from him.

Yes, she got it back when he paid me some.

OP posts:
MSLRT · 26/10/2024 17:15

Badgertime · 26/10/2024 17:12

Yes, she got it back when he paid me some.

Show quote history

I think they would laugh him out of court. You were entitled to a lot more. Please stop enabling this man. You haven’t been with him for over 8 years. Why is he still living in your house? I would tell him he needs to leave now and if he wants any money from you then to crack on and take you to court. No court would see your children homeless anyway.

Dreamsofcruise · 26/10/2024 17:20

Also OP but if you have been claiming and universal credit for example whilst he has been living with you you may well find yourself in very deep water….. it looks a lot like you reconciled and now have decided to separate again

Original poster
Badgertime · 26/10/2024 17:21

Dreamsofcruise · 26/10/2024 17:20

Also OP but if you have been claiming and universal credit for example whilst he has been living with you you may well find yourself in very deep water….. it looks a lot like you reconciled and now have decided to separate again

No, I haven't claimed anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
Badgertime · 26/10/2024 17:22

Should I send his emails to the solicitor?

OP posts:
PaminaMozart · 26/10/2024 17:22

Are you saying that you only received £80000 out of a total of £350000 marital assets? Why and how - why did you agree to this?

And now he wants some of this £80000 back? Why are you even entertaining this?

You need competent legal advice.

Original poster
Badgertime · 26/10/2024 17:39

Yes. I don't know why we got to this. I guess he thought he had to give me something to keep me happy.

OP posts:
ThatTealViewer · 26/10/2024 17:44

PaminaMozart · 26/10/2024 17:22

Are you saying that you only received £80000 out of a total of £350000 marital assets? Why and how - why did you agree to this?

And now he wants some of this £80000 back? Why are you even entertaining this?

You need competent legal advice.

This! OP, go speak to a lawyer about this! Everything you’ve written is just…a bit mad. Literally all of it.

Delphiniumandlupins · 26/10/2024 17:47

At the very least keep copies of his emails and your solicitor will say if they want them. I think your problem will be that any financial settlement will be made based on assets at the time of the settlement. So even if you were entitled to more from the family home, you may not get it now if he has spent it all

Mickey79 · 26/10/2024 17:51

SauviGone · 26/10/2024 16:30

He’s given up his job and spent the past several years no doubt running up debt whilst he pretends that his job is to “day trade from home” whatever the hell that means gambling . If you’re wondering where the proceeds of the sale of the family home have gone, there’s your answer.

He’s really mugged you off and it sounds like it’s now going to cost you half of your savings to get rid of him.

He probably is now entitled to half of your savings, some of your share of your own property, and it’s likely he has nothing to share with you because he’s already spent it all.

This is one of those situations where money you lay out on a solicitor is going to be money well spent. You’ve been very foolish, time to wise up and take some good legal advice.

💯 this!

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