Help please. He wants his money back.

[Badgertime]

Separated in 2015 with 3 children. I left the family home. He stayed in it. He sold last year as he couldn't afford to pay his mortgage so I let him lodge at ours.
He sold for 450K and I think there was around 100K mortgage left. He gave me 40K to give back to my mum (I'd borrowed from her to get my place for the kids) and 40K to put in savings.
He took the rest for himself along with the proceeds of another house he sold a few years ago (his before we married but had during).
I've just started divorce proceedings and asked him to find his own place on advice of solicitor but he's said he can't leave until he gets his money back. He would have had around 220 K left at least in cash.
I left with nothing 2015 and he was on a good income. He gave up work a few years ago to do trading online.
He's been living here with me working full time and paying all the bills (including his). He does give some money for the kids monthly but I've nothing to fall back on if I give him back the money.
My net income is 1700 pcm even though I work f/t.
He gave up his job in 2017/18 to day trade from home and that's what he's been doing since and has been for the last year. I have no idea what his finances are now.

Do I give him back some/ all of the money for him to move out or wait for a financial order later on?
He seems to think I should give everything back to him but obviously, some of that money is no longer available.

I'm trying not to rack up bills with the solicitor but he's adamant now he wants it back in order to move out.

I know I made a huge mistake not divorcing years ago ( I didn't have the money or the backbone).
I know I made a huge mistake letting him back thinking he could have changed and we'd be better off as a family.

I tried mediation some years ago but he pulled out the day before.

This doesn't make any sense...

It's high time you checked out Wikivorce and Divorce for Dummies.

You've been robbed!!

Pamima, I did the application today and spoke to a solicitor on Friday who basically said there were red flags everywhere.

She is a local solicitor and was really helpful so I'm hoping some way I'll be able to pay her to work on this.

I have email to prove his sale and to prove he has just asked me for all the funds back.

I am only communicating via email as she advised (even though he is staying downstairs!).

I also have emails from 2018 when he sold his other house (170K which I didn't see any of). The solicitor said it wouldn't necessarily be disregarded as it was during the marriage as well.

Please continue to work with your solicitor - it'll be money well spent.

But you should also educate yourself about your rights in the divorce and the whole process. Wikivorce, Divorce for Dummies etc.

You want to understand what's going on and what you need to do to protect yourself.

Hmm I think you need legal advice asap. I’m not sure if the family home was in your exs name that makes any difference, unless there was a prenup or very short marriage. It was still a marital asset no?

i would have thought that 50% of assets may be more likely. Finances are only sorted once a financial order is signed, and sealed by court. it sounds like this wasn’t done, so you are probably looking at where you are now rather than where you were 10 years ago or more. You might need to get a private investigator on this or find out a way to find out what assets your ex has. He could have a lot in shares or other investments potentially or lost it all, that you need to find out.

I wouldn’t be returning any money no. You may find out with advice that your ex owes you much more, if he has it….

@Badgertime what the hell did he do with the remaining £270k????

@Badgertime I would just pack his stuff up and change the locks. he is just staying because he has no where else to go and you allowed him in. it isnt the matrimonial home so he isnt entitled to it?

I don't know!

He day trades so I don't know if it's all gone.

I don't really have any way to find out.

When he asks you for money back remind him that he owes you £100k from the sale of the house. I’m confused about what he was “saving” for when you moved him into your home, considering he kept £270k assets?

Day trader my ass.

It will be bitcoin or similar and gambling.

Ask to see his statements. Have you checked your credit report yet? Are financially linked to him on Experian?

This is coercive control. He has wilfully deteriorated his assets to punish you and now he wast yours. If you have evidence of the previous agreement and of any other control send it all to the solicitor. He has already had more than he was entitled too. He may also have money you are not aware off so please do not give him anything. Get him out of your home as soon as you can. He doesn't sound d like someone safe to have around OP.

Please, please PLEASE educate yourself and engage with the process! You have been stumbling around in the dark for literally years and, as a result, not only you but your children are at serious risk of losing your share of marital assets.

Read up about the divorce process. Talk to your solicitor. If there is any chance that he may have hidden assets, engage a forensic accountant. Don't let him take you to the cleaners!

Chuck him out of your home. I have no idea why you let him move in.

I have forwarded his emails asking for money back onto my solicitor today.
Hopefully she will advise what's next.

He has not replied to my email asking if he didn't have enough money from the sale to move out.

Thanks for all the advice so far. This us going to be a long road due to my own stupidity.

Solicitor time is expensive. You need to use it wisely. He/she will charge you £10 or so for reading each email, so don't just forward random emails - summarize the essence, succinctly and concisely, with selected/relevant quotes from his emails.

Please tell me you've read Divorce for Dummies...

Why did you think you weren’t entitled to a half of the money from the family home?

Sorry, I totally misread that comment!

I am doing. I also have an appointment with a Mckenzie friend in a week or so.

Because he paid the mortgage on it I guess and it seems he thinks it's all his.

If he's spent most of the marital money (£270k) and the only marital assets are your 25% stake in your house and £40k in savings wl he be entitled to half of the current assets? I'm thinking he will.

I wish you luck, I think you made a massive error not seeing divorce e/finances an age ago, sorry.

I'll do this PanimaMozart.

Quite possibly.

If he's spent everything else. However, I read that to do day trading you need at least 25K as a buffer. Is this true?

It's not much in the grand scheme of things but at least he'd have something.

You split up, moved out, lent 40,000 off your Mom and got yourself a shared ownership property.

Meanwhile your Husband kept the family home, couldn't afford the mortgage, sold it, made £370,000 on it and gave you £80,000

He's since moved into yours, pays you nothing and now wants £40,000 back.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if all the money has gone and he's not working but living off you and pretending to do a job.

Get him out the house and be prepared for no money to come to you and get divorced.

I'm a family lawyer. Absolutely don't give him any money until you have legal advice.

And don't bother with a paid McKenzie friend. Use a solicitor. If you can't afford for them to do everything, talk to them about which parts you can do yourself to keep costs down.