Help please. He wants his money back.

[Badgertime]

Separated in 2015 with 3 children. I left the family home. He stayed in it. He sold last year as he couldn't afford to pay his mortgage so I let him lodge at ours.
He sold for 450K and I think there was around 100K mortgage left. He gave me 40K to give back to my mum (I'd borrowed from her to get my place for the kids) and 40K to put in savings.
He took the rest for himself along with the proceeds of another house he sold a few years ago (his before we married but had during).
I've just started divorce proceedings and asked him to find his own place on advice of solicitor but he's said he can't leave until he gets his money back. He would have had around 220 K left at least in cash.
I left with nothing 2015 and he was on a good income. He gave up work a few years ago to do trading online.
He's been living here with me working full time and paying all the bills (including his). He does give some money for the kids monthly but I've nothing to fall back on if I give him back the money.
My net income is 1700 pcm even though I work f/t.
He gave up his job in 2017/18 to day trade from home and that's what he's been doing since and has been for the last year. I have no idea what his finances are now.

Do I give him back some/ all of the money for him to move out or wait for a financial order later on?
He seems to think I should give everything back to him but obviously, some of that money is no longer available.

I'm trying not to rack up bills with the solicitor but he's adamant now he wants it back in order to move out.

I know I made a huge mistake not divorcing years ago ( I didn't have the money or the backbone).
I know I made a huge mistake letting him back thinking he could have changed and we'd be better off as a family.

I tried mediation some years ago but he pulled out the day before.

If your house is yours alone then bag his stuff up and get the locks changed today

He is staying with you because you let him. He can't refuse to leave a house that he has no say in. If he does refuse to leave you call the police (non-emergency) and your community beat officer will get in contact with you to help you have him removed.

He does have other places to stay, a Travel lodge, an Air B&B, Friends and Family even if they aren't local.

Deal with this today, don't continue to live like this.

Is he declared on your council tax and UC if you claim it as you might be guilty of benefit fraud / seen as living as a couple of not which would be another headache.

This is literally insane.

Even your title 'his' money back.

It is absolutely absurd that the two of you didn't seem to realise that your house was a joint asset because it was in his name.

If the equity in the house was £350k then that is £175k each or thereabouts. So, he owes you £100k from it.

And that's before you start thinking about the fact that for some utterly bonkers reason you are currently funding him.

Yup.

Have you taken on board what has been said here and realised that he is totally wrong?
Has notice been given? He is a lodger so a few days is plenty. How did he react?
If he starts on at you, remember you can come back here to help boost your resolve. You’re in the right and that money is yours, especially as he will just spend it so there is nothing left for the financial settlement from your family home AND he may come after your home. You must keep all that money and get him out.

It doesn't matter how much owes if there's no money left which is what I'd say has happened.

That's why he's moved in with her, she's covering everything

On paper, she moved out, bought a house, he got behind on mortgage payments, sold the house, gave her 80,000, moved in with her spent the rest and now wants half the 80,000 back.

They've never divorced.

From what's been said on here, her house is a martial asset and all that can be shared now is what's left

That's true @YellowphantGrey

Which means op needs to get this ball rolling today, as it's only going in one direction only, getting worse and worse.

Sorry, I've been out for the day so trying to catch up.
I pay full council tax and do not claim any benefits.
He hasn't just asked for 40K back, he asked for the full 80K back.
I'm assuming my house will be seen as a marital asset so yes, it may have to be shared if he has nothing left.

I'm trying hard to get things moving ASAP.

The problem is that if we're still married, is he not entitled to stay?

I have given notice but what if ge claims home rights or something?

He isn't entitled to stay as it isn't his house, his names not on the paperwork and you were doing him a favour.

Edit: Scrap that, I'm wrong it looks like he can. What an awful situation. You could get a court order removing him though I suppose.

Have you got evidence of the agreement you made when he gave you the money?

Have you not asked your lawyer these questions?!

Also, to quote @PaminaMozart , have you asked ‘what is the plan, does she see a way to salvage part of the proceeds - what can you realistically expect to happen?’

You have a solicitor, but it doesn’t seem like you’ve had even the most basic advice about any of this apart from not giving him any money. I don’t understand.

No, I spoke with solicitor Friday for the first time.
She basically said court would start at 50/50 and that's what we'd be working towards.
She agreed it's possible he has none left but until she finds out, it's difficult for her to plan ahead I guess.
It's still very early days in the Process.

OP. He's a gambler. He's gambled all the house proceeds away. He's sitting downstairs gambling your hard earned wages away that you are supporting him with. If you give him more money he will gamble that away too.

Trading my arse!

The main thing you need to do OP is not trust a word that comes out of that man’s mouth. Do not trust what he says about money, his job, where he will sleep, what he is entitled to. None of it. Check everything - here is fine for a sense check but your solicitor for the legal position. If he tells you it’s raining, you damn well look outside before you believe him!

Do either of you have pensions?

I believe he had a pretty good pension from his old job (70-80k a year). I'm on a pretty low salary ( around 26 K) so not much to mine at all. He hasn't worked though since around 2017 so I doubt he'd have paid into a private pension in that time.

I do have life insurance abd CIC. I'm not sure if that would be relevant or not.

Who is the beneficiary on your life insurance?