Partner does not like child

[NikitaNic]

I’m after some advice or similar situations. My partner of 6 years has taken a dislike to one of my children as he’s grown older. We have different parenting styles. He feels I should be more strict. He calls my children unruly and delinquent. He has been lovely with them when they were younger, my eldest is now 13, going through an awkward phase, wanting to spend more time in his room, huffing and puffing about doing a chore a day. Maybe an eye roll here and there, he does do the chore but would obviously prefer not to. My partner feels he is very rude, he’s very old school and will tell him off for even leaving a cup out. My partner has been nit picking at him I’ve noticed over the last few months. It all came to a head and my partner shouted at him the other week. My son has told me he feels uncomfortable when I’m not around and that he doesn't like him anymore.
ive discussed this with my partner and asked him to try and spend more time together to rebuild the relationship, he is refusing and says I need to be more strict and this is the issue. Children should listen and it’s up to my son to put more effort in. I disagree and think this should first come from the adult. Just for context my partner fell out with his son at a simliar age and has not seen him for two years and again has been stubborn when I’ve asked him to try and make amends with his own son he says it should come from his son. My son has been trying as well, doing his chores and homework when he’s comes home, trying to be more chatty with my partner, I’ve noticed the effort he has put in but my partner says he hasn’t noticed a change. This has been going on a few weeks now, I’ve told my partner this can’t carry on and needs to be resolved. I will always put the children first and have said if this can’t be resolved we will have to part ways ? Thoughts

It would be game over with the partner for me.

First response nailed it. You've seen what this man is like with his own child, unless you want your own relationship with DS to go the same way get this man out of your and his life. No one who doesn't like my kid gets to be around them.

If I was in your shoes the partner would be gone. Your children come first.

The writing was on the wall 2yrs ago when he stopped bothering with his own son, what did you think was going to happen in regards to yours?

My guess is partner is reacting to the young male in the house and trying to establish his dominance. It won't end well for your son or you.

What is the housing situation? Please say its your house and your partner moved in??

No man is worth the mental or mental physical well being of my child. I’d rather be alone and lonely than subject my child to that.

My exH had unreasonable expectations and they were his own dc. I used to feel like a referee and felt uncomfortable leaving them with their dad as I’d come home to really volatile situations. I’m glad we separated before peak teen years. The dc pushed my buttons at times but it was all typical teenage behaviour and underneath they were good kids. After their dad left they said the house was calmer and happier. It was the right decision to part ways not everyone is cut out for parenting and self esteem with teens can be really fragile anyway.

100% this.

So your son is being forced onto the adult role while your dp behaves like a child. How unattractive.

Definitely leave it's not fair to put your son through this.

It’s over. He should move out. Your son must come first. Talk to your son after you finish things and he moves out so that he knows you’re his priority.

I could have written this myself OP.

Partner is now my ex and the house is a much happier, calmer place to be.

You need to end this relationship immediately. Your partner isn't going to suddenly start 'liking' your child, and the damage has already been done if your child doesn't feel comfortable around him.

Sorry op but this is appalling. I thought at first it was your son's dad, but this is actually your bf? It won't get better. Your son is going through normal pubertal developments. They come out the other side (usually) and you have to trust the process. They are not robots and seeing teens through puberty is challenging. Your partner has form, clearly. I he ace been in your situation and ended the relationship because my children came first.

I will always put the children first and have said if this can’t be resolved we will have to part ways ?

and how did your partner react to that?

If the same thing happened with his own son as is now happening between your DH and your DS at puberty/teens I wonder if your DH is repeating the pattern of how his DF treated him at that age? Maybe he has no learned coping mechanism when faced with a trucculent teen except to get more entrenched in his viewpoint. You need a calm sit down chat about how to move forward consistently and as a combined front, or seperately if he can't agree.

My DS & xBIL ended things for exactly this reason (although eldest DNephew has always had difficult behaviours - encouraged by his own DF) and did his best to press xBILs buttons and break his DM and xBIL up. We all had sympathy for xBIL whilst understanding DS needed to put her DC first.