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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

How do you keep the house??

60 replies

Theyorkmum · 20/10/2024 12:40

Would love to keep the kids in the family home and it’s near parents, dad has early dementia and I want to support mum, not much comes on market here and don’t want to move away from school, it’s very rural so next option would be many miles away

I see posts where you got to keep the family home and just wondered how you did it?

I’m muddling through divorce on my own and want to check I’m not missing a solution

he wants every penny of 50% of the equity like yesterday. if I keep the house he wants his name off the mortgage immediately

house is £580, mortgage is £390k. I earn 6 figures

Im good with a budget, no debt and don’t spend a lot. I might be able to raise the cash to give him his equity but the bank won’t consider moving the remaining mortgage into my sole name despite me being able to show them I can afford payments and all bills (bank accounts are with same company) I asked about interest only and they brush the question off.

im not over confident negotiating with him or the bank, we aren’t using a solicitor and just wondered am I being too soft or am I fooling myself about staying here …

OP posts:
Dramalady52 · 20/10/2024 12:56

First things first, get a solicitor don't try and do it yourself. They know the law and what exactly you are entitled to. If you're not confident about negotiating with him they can help you do it.

Secondly, look into remortgaging with another supplier. That way you might be able to cover the equity split and have the mortgage in your name only.

Thirdly, how old are the kids? This has a bearing on the likelihood of keeping the house.

Changingplace · 20/10/2024 12:59

You're not doing yourself any favours not using a solicitor to negotiate here, get one sorted asap.

I agree with the PP look into remortgaging if your existing provider won’t help, get a mortgage advisor to look at all your options.

Octavia64 · 20/10/2024 13:00

Mortgage broker or advisor.

Your current bank might not do it but I expect you'll find one that will.

JovLane · 20/10/2024 13:09

With legal advice I negotiated against some financial bonds and more importantly again my husband’s pension.

I was moving with my job to a more expensive area and needed the funds to be able to provide a house for our children, rather than a lump sum many years in the future.
He did have to agree this though and is obviously dependent on your husband having a pension pot.

I did have to sell the family house ( changed jobs after the house was for sale) but the clean break, my ex not being able to treat the house as his own and not being answerable to him in any way, was well worth starting again in ‘my’ house.

arethereanyleftatall · 20/10/2024 13:13

You should be able to get a £390k mortgage on a 6 figure salary. Ltb is good too. Find a bank that will.

arethereanyleftatall · 20/10/2024 13:13

Ltv! Lol at my autocorrect!

LemonTT · 20/10/2024 13:18

It’s down to maths OP. People are able to buy the property because their share of the assets plus their income means they can get a mortgage.

From what you say you have about £190k equity. Are there any other assets or liabilities that need to be accounted for. Pensions, savings, loans etc. What are your respective incomes? If they are similar and there aren’t any other assets then you probably are looking at 50% of 190k as the equity you will have to buy the house. Meaning you need to take in a £500k mortgage. If you get help then maybe a £400k mortgage.

What are your ex’s plans about where he will be living. If he can’t stay in the village then maybe think about what that will mean for the children. What are you going to do when they go to secondary school?

TheOnlyAletheia · 20/10/2024 13:20

I remortgaged earlier this year with the Halifax for a similar amount on a similar salary. Go to a broker.

Original poster
Theyorkmum · 20/10/2024 15:39

All your advice is so helpful, thanks guys. On the legal front the problem I have is he is a leading solicitor and at the main firm around here… there isn’t really another local choice as the alternative firm is his brothers. So his legal advice is free and my costs will rack up fast. If we go legal it will drag and drag and cost a bomb and to be fair we are both on decent speaking terms. Just want to double check with you guys that I haven’t missed anything obvious.

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 20/10/2024 16:01

If you're not willing to see a solicitor then get in front of a mediator who can help draw up a consent order. My concern is you're being screwed over here and he has the upper hand with his job. A mediator is impartial and it doesn't matter who he is in that situation. I did my own divorce but my situation was very different. You've got children so it would unlikely be a 50% split and he knows that. I would spend the money on mediation personally.

ShinyShona · 20/10/2024 16:16

If you are earning six figures and have £90-100k in equity, you won't be getting a Mesher Order. No chance at all.

If your mum wants you to stay close then all I can suggest is she equity releases from her own property to that you can buy your ex out of yours. Otherwise you will need to move house.

BigBundleOfFluff · 20/10/2024 16:35

A good mortgage broker is your friend here. I went to mine in tears and in 30 mins he had a solution for me. And he knew I'd be accepted.

Andthesky · 20/10/2024 16:36

Your solicitor doesn't have to be local. Find one will offer Zoom based consultations and they can be anywhere as long as they are on your side.

000EverybodyLovesTheSunshine000 · 20/10/2024 16:42

Go to a solicitor op!

Walkingbacktohappiness · 20/10/2024 18:13

I second the others. Get a solicitor and a mortgage broker. You should easily be able to remortgage on your salary. He might be nice to your face, but he's having it all his own way if he thinks he can push you out of the house at his say so. He'll be getting great advice, and you, so far, have none. It doesn't need to be a fight, just fair.

MoonGeek · 20/10/2024 18:38

50/50 is the starting point. If the children stay with you in the family home then it won't be 50/50. You need legal advice.

peanutbutterkid · 20/10/2024 18:54

if I keep the house he wants his name off the mortgage immediately

Why? Is this in England? Does he think he will no longer have liability for the debt if his name comes off and you can't claim all that money back off him... actually you could claim it back from him ! If you sold instead, that could take ages to get the funds, so basically why should he get his share early before the rest of the financial split is decided? Dividing the house value before rest of fin. plan is agreed, opens you both up to risk because either of you could change mind how much he should get, and until you are divorced what's yours is also still his regardless of his name off mortgage beforehand. This problem applies until both have formal settlement that the courts have signed off.

Have you approached current lender to see if they would lend you the amount your ex would need, have you even had the property valued yet (ideally by 3 different estate agents) and have you both agreed the value? The whole process takes months & months, have you intiated any of the paperwork?

Are you amicable otherwise?

Where have you agreed the kids will live? How will their lives be affected?

How much are each of your pensions worth? What other assets do either / both of you have worth > £500 ?

peanutbutterkid · 20/10/2024 18:55

That idea that your mum downsize to increase your LTV is good suggestion, but will delay the financial split, too.

Where will your kids stay, OP?

LemonTT · 20/10/2024 19:01

MoonGeek · 20/10/2024 18:38

50/50 is the starting point. If the children stay with you in the family home then it won't be 50/50. You need legal advice.

Why?

Both of them are parents and both need homes. The amount of time the children spend on each home doesn’t change the basis of both needing a home. They both seem to be high earners. The equity will be split 50:50. Any additonal costs associated with having the children more is dealt with in child support.

Greenbike · 20/10/2024 19:12

To answer OP‘s original question: often it comes down to pensions. In cases I’ve seen or heard of where the wife gets to keep the home, normally the husband’s pensions are the swing factor. E.g. £400k in house equity, £300k value of husbands pension, £50k value of wife’s pension, total assets available to split are £750k so £375k each. Wife gets the house and only has to extend the mortgage by £25k, husband gets to keep his pensions and gets £25k cash on top. If the pension is worth more than the house (surprisingly common) then the maths are even more compelling.

So my strong advice is to ask for the total value of his pensions and start from there.

Also - as PP have said go and see a mortgage broker. Asking only your current bank for a mortgage is silly.

ClementineChurchill · 20/10/2024 19:15
  1. get a solicitor
  2. claim half his pension / other assets (assuming there is a financial disparity between you in his favour). Has he done a financial disclosure yet? You need to know everything before you settle about the house.
BloodyAdultDC · 20/10/2024 19:20

You need full financial disclosure of ALL the assets - both pensions - the CETV value is often worth many times more than you think, all savings, any secret savings, does he own part of his company?

Then you need to work out a split based on needs - if the kids are staying with you more than 50% then you should be able to argue more than 50% of the assets.

You absolutely need to see a solicitor op - even if you agree an amicable divorce the judge will not sign off the finances until they are satisfied that you aren't being taken for a mug.

MuttsNutts · 20/10/2024 19:24

You need a solicitor!

“…his legal advice is free.” I bet it is 😂

Sorry @Theyorkmum but he will run rings round you and you will not get what you and the children deserve. Even the most seemingly reasonable men can very quickly get greedy when they realise what they stand to lose.

If the dc are staying with you, there is absolutely no reason why he should get 50% equity. That is just the starting point.

I’ve already said it but I promise you, you need your own solicitor. Your ex will not be looking out for you. He is already trying to rush you. Take your time, the decisions you make now will affect the rest of your life.

And when you come to look for your own mortgage, do not just accept whatever your bank will give you. I can recommend London and Country. Their advice is free and they will shop around for the best deal for you in your circumstances. I’ve used them twice, once when I divorced and kept the house.

StormingNorman · 20/10/2024 19:29

Go and get a solicitor from a good firm in your local city.

You’re on good terms because he’s the only one getting legal advice and he knows all he has to do is keep you sweet until you give him what he wants.

User364837 · 20/10/2024 19:32

as others have said, often people get to ‘keep the house’ by off setting house equity against pension. So have less than half the joint pension pot and keep more than half of the house. But it really would be wise to get advice