How do you keep the house??

[Theyorkmum]

Would love to keep the kids in the family home and it’s near parents, dad has early dementia and I want to support mum, not much comes on market here and don’t want to move away from school, it’s very rural so next option would be many miles away

I see posts where you got to keep the family home and just wondered how you did it?

I’m muddling through divorce on my own and want to check I’m not missing a solution

he wants every penny of 50% of the equity like yesterday. if I keep the house he wants his name off the mortgage immediately

house is £580, mortgage is £390k. I earn 6 figures

Im good with a budget, no debt and don’t spend a lot. I might be able to raise the cash to give him his equity but the bank won’t consider moving the remaining mortgage into my sole name despite me being able to show them I can afford payments and all bills (bank accounts are with same company) I asked about interest only and they brush the question off.

im not over confident negotiating with him or the bank, we aren’t using a solicitor and just wondered am I being too soft or am I fooling myself about staying here …

You don't need a solicitor who is local to you - just find a good one online!

Also if you get a court order that covers maintenance, some mortgage lenders take maintenance payments (from your ex) into account when you're applying for a mortgage. I did manage to switch my mortgage into one in my sole name on this basis. But I had a lot of years left of him paying maintenance so this probably helped. The only thing I'd say is that this leaves you with the financial burden of a possibly large mortgage and also leaves you connected to your exH for the same period (and possibly financially dependent on him). Even if you're amicable now, you might not be long term.

I will be paying my mortgage well into my 60s if I keep it due to taking it on in my mid 40s when I divorced. I'm not sure that I would have focused so much on keeping the house if I was doing it again now - it's such a burden.

I used a solicitor for my divorce and I never even met them in person as I was working abroad most of the time. So although they were based in London, I corresponded by email and by phone as I wasn't able to meet with them.
Use a mediator by all means but find a solicitor that is good to so you have at least legal advice in the last leg

@Theyorkmum

Please please please get legal advice.

You will NOT come out of this with what you are legally owed. I would bet my last dollar on that.

In my case, I'm in Ireland so maybe slightly different. When I split with my ex we had a 4 yr old & I was 7 mths pregnant. I stayed in the family home till baby was 18mths & up to that point ex paid me a few quid a month (sporadically when chased) & told me he would pay the mortgage. Turns out he'd stopped paying the mortgage unknown to me but that's a different story.
Anyway I knew we'd have to sell the house since I wouldn't get a mortgage by myself but I wanted to be able to get another house on a shared ownership mortgage (I wasn't earning a huge amount) so I suggested he give me the proceeds of our house sale if I waived Maintenence. At first he refused but when he worked out the math he was getting a much better deal than me since our kids were so young.
It meant I was able to buy my house under shared ownership & later moved to another house with a regular mortgage.
I couldn't have done that otherwise.
It also meant I never had to chase him for money or be wondering would he pay this month or whatever.
Everyone thought I was stone mad but it was the best decision I ever made.
My solicitor told us both that me waiving it wasn't legally binding & I could go back on it at any time but I never did.

There's nothing to stop you taking legal advice on a limited basis but not telling him. Get the solicitor to advise you on what you might be entitled to so that you're in a better position to negotiate. Otherwise you're risking losing the family home unnecessarily.

@millymollymoomoo my exH and I earned similar. I had children most of the time. Assets were 60/40 split. By agreeing not to have half of his pension and him taking another asset, I only had to pay a small amount to buy him out of the house. His needs as an individual were not the same as an adult + 2 children.

What are your total assets, pensions, savings, etc? Most people who kept their house exchanged it for pension savings or similar

Divorcing a solicitor is the worst. I had a terrible experience. Many firms wouldn't deal with me as they knew him plus no one would help me get a non molestation order. They all ganged up together.

I wonder if you could use a solicitor on line from out of area? My ex tried to stitch me up in so many ways. We split when I was 31 and I didn't get the decree nisi until I was 36. You can't do this on your own in these circumstances.

In your case you need to see if you can raise a mortgage for the amount owed plus 50% of the equity as a starting point, then it's worth trying either directly with your stbexh or with a mediator to come to an overall agreement on splitting assets. If this isn't possible then you will need solicitors but in my experience they caused more trouble and deliberately made provocative suggestions to cause arguments aka means more letters and more money.

An awful lot of people here have become obsessed with OP's need to consult a solicitor and are geeing her into expensive litigation. Yes, the OP needs to speak to a solicitor but putting stupid ideas in her head about what she will be able to get from divorce or that this has to be some almighty battle is incredibly irresponsible. If a solicitor did this, they would probably get disciplined for not acting in the client's best interest.

The OP has come to us with a problem that she wants to stay in the house which has a mortgage of £390k on it. It's going to be a stretch and her options are limited. On a six figure salary and £90k of equity then she is not going to get what she wants in court. Mesher Orders are a last resort for the most extreme cases where the resident parent would otherwise be homeless or where it only needs to be a short term solution of 1-2 years to accommodate some milestone such as a child finishing GCSE. Nor is she on the kind of income where she can demonstrate a need for more than half the equity. She can easily house herself on half the joint assets, just not in the house that she wants.

Suggesting - when the money she needs to achieve her goals is already going to be tight - that she starts racking up legal fees in the vain hope that she might get a little more of the equity is crazy talk. 50% of the equity is £90k. 60% of the equity after a final hearing will be more like £72k once legal fees are paid.

Yes, the OP should consult a solicitor and listen to their advice, which I expect will be don't waste money in court, take 50/50 of the assets and have a clean break. I would not advocate her giving up pensions in order to stay in this house, it would be to put all her eggs in one basket and terrible financial advice. What the OP should do in order to pursue her financial goals is speak to a specialist mortgage broker to find one who will lend her the £480k. If no one will, then it's probably because it is too high risk and she should either sell and move or see if her mother is willing to support her somehow.