How do you keep the house??

[Theyorkmum]

Would love to keep the kids in the family home and it’s near parents, dad has early dementia and I want to support mum, not much comes on market here and don’t want to move away from school, it’s very rural so next option would be many miles away

I see posts where you got to keep the family home and just wondered how you did it?

I’m muddling through divorce on my own and want to check I’m not missing a solution

he wants every penny of 50% of the equity like yesterday. if I keep the house he wants his name off the mortgage immediately

house is £580, mortgage is £390k. I earn 6 figures

Im good with a budget, no debt and don’t spend a lot. I might be able to raise the cash to give him his equity but the bank won’t consider moving the remaining mortgage into my sole name despite me being able to show them I can afford payments and all bills (bank accounts are with same company) I asked about interest only and they brush the question off.

im not over confident negotiating with him or the bank, we aren’t using a solicitor and just wondered am I being too soft or am I fooling myself about staying here …

Sorry … to clarify I’m not taking advice from him for free. Although we are cordial I wouldn’t trust him to be impartial due to the circumstances. I meant more that if I instruct a solicitor I have to pay their fees, but he will use his firm for free which will no doubt drag it out and put my fees up as they have unlimited time/queries … if that makes sense

You need a solicitor. His advice might be free, but why on earth do you trust him? You will get screwed over. What are you doing about pensions and investments? It's not just about the house. If he has a hefty pension, you can negotiate house equity against a smaller share of the pension fund. Get yourself an independent solicitor.

You’re on good terms because he’s the only one getting legal advice and he knows all he has to do is keep you sweet until you give him what he wants.

This.

Thanks for being a solid sounding board everyone - you have given me a lot to think through this week. I wouldn’t ask parents for help, only it’s my turn to be helping them in this stage of their lives but will definitely see a broker and looking into a mediator seems like sound advice. Wish me luck x

You don't need luck, you need a solicitor op.

@Theyorkmum A lot of people here saying "get a solicitor" and you should. However, staying in the house until the children are 18 or getting more than half the equity when you earn £100k+ yourself is only going to happen if your ex is on a mind boggling salary of £500k+.

No solicitor or barrister is going to be able to stand up in court and convince a judge that someone on a six figure salary needs more than half the equity on a £600k house. It would get laughed out of court unless it really infuriated a judge for wasting their time and it became a bad career move to laugh!

The judge has a duty to find a clean break between you and also knows if the settlement isn't fair, your ex would have good grounds for an appeal. I don't know all the facts of your case but unless your ex is extraordinarily well paid then expect 50/50, the house ordered to be sold and a clean break.

That's nonsense though, solicitors are everywhere including in the next town along and online.

Do you have to instruct a solicitor? Can't you start with just a consultation?

@Theyorkmum I agree with PP re speaking to a mortgage broker about switching and borrowing more (make sure any early repayment charge is deducted from the total pot before you split it). See if you can extend the mortgage term to reduce the monthly payments and increase the affordability, if that’s the reason why the current bank won’t let you take it on.

ExH and I didn’t use a solicitor, it is doable provided you have information on all his finances including pensions and you can agree how to split custody and finances.

Thanks, Yes I could, although we are 25 miles from the next town where the firm isn’t strong on family law, my point is more as he has no fee pressure I know he will stretch it out just to ramp my costs up and to a degree I don’t would like to keep us talking direct whilst things are good terms. My question is really I wondered what solutions others found on house and mortgage and hopefully I have some good points to work with

Don't give him.a penny without a proper financial settlement agreement. He can come back.for more later without one!

You don’t necessarily need a solicitor

youre looking at 50:50

why can’t you do this yourselves?

i don’t know much about legal firms but if he owns part of the business he works in surely that will be included as well.

Remember that all assets are up for grabs so you can ask for more house equity in exchange for less pension/savings/other assets.

I think that looking at other mortgage companies is a good idea. If you can’t buy him out then service the mortgage on your own then you’ll need to downsize.

my point is more as he has no fee pressure I know he will stretch it out just to ramp my costs up

Unfortunately the weaker financial party will always be in a vulnerable position - my own lawyer is very understanding and hasn't issued a fee for months because she knows I have no money. That is, no money until some cash is released from the house sale. I'll be very relieved when this is all over.

The fees don't matter, they are split down the middle and settled by both parties, his firm are not going to do it for free.

It's not 50/50 if children are with you.

Does he own the law firm or just work there? Either way he's an idiot- you should always get independent legal advice (not least so there is someone to sue if all goes wrong!)

And as PP said, if it's his (or partly his) firm, the value of that should likely be taken into account depending how it's structured

Exactly - you are seriously misunderstanding a crucial point OP. The solicitors fees will pretty much come out of the joint pot especially if he is representing himself because he is a solicitor. Ignore those saying you can do it yourself and please see a professional - night now the situation is extremely unbalanced in his favor. And even if you proceed without the judge might not rubber stamp what you decide because they’ll see how unequal the situation is if one party has legal training and the other has none and no representation.

If you're earning a 6 figure salary, and say that you can't afford to pay for a solicitor, then what chance do the rest of us have? I'm on less than £14k pa and have to pay for a solicitor.

Not when you're divorcing a lawyer who is trying to shaft you!

He can stretch it out, but a judge will see straight through that and he’ll be paying at least 50% of the costs.

the fact he is a solicitor means even more so that YOU NEED A SOLICITOR!

At least go and talk to a shit hot lawyer specializing in divorce, even if you don't instruct them. They don't need to be in the same town. It can be online or over the phone. At least explore your options because it looks like you're taking everything your ex says at face value. At least having a chat with a specialist will make you more aware of your options.

You don't need to go full legal route. I appreciate he has the resources to do this, but you can use a solicitor to advise you on what is reasonable so you don't get shafted. That shouldn't cost you thousands.
I kept the house, we had a slightly uneven split in my favour as he was the higher earner and couldn't have the kids, and he had a much larger pension pot. Look at the pot as a whole, not just the house. I had advice from a solicitor on what was reasonable and we negotiated our own financial split, but helped that we were amicable and XH wanted stability for the kids.

@Lavenderfields21 it most likely will be in this case as both parties earn pretty much the same. I was told ( and others in similar situations ) that that won’t make a difference as other party has sane needs even if children split 60:40 or 70:30

its also the outcome I’ve eeen with family and friends where both parties earn same ( within small range )