Living on own 1st time ever -top tips

[DoubtjngThomas]

So after 30 years of marriage I find myself on my own with DD in a very old rented house. Ex was rubbish on an emotional level but did the lions share of house/car maintenance.

What are your top tips on making life as simple and safe as possible for myself and prepared in emergencies?

So far I have

Bought car breakdown cover
Candles and matches in case of power cuts
Taken meter readings for gas/electricity
Ordered broadband (although already been told issues with connection)
Ordered logs for the fire
Spare house key cut for my sister just in case of emergencies

What else can I do to make me feel less anxious about doing this on my own?

Are you a spreadsheet person? If so do yourself a yearly budget and monthly projected cash flow. Stops the mind whirring about finances.

Think of it like starting a new job. You're really nervous in the beginning and overwhelmed learning everyone's names and how to use the photocopier or whatever, but after 6 months you're comfortable and have it all under control. This will be the same - it's only scary because it's unfamiliar.

How often do you actually have power cuts that last more than a few seconds or minutes? I think I've had one that lasted more than a few minutes in ten years and it was during the day!

I vaguely recall being worried about powercuts too when I first started living alone and putting torches in every room. I have no idea why I was so concerned about it. It rarely happens and when it does it's not a big deal. (Your phone must have a torch?)

If you get a key safe it should meet the right standards including Secured by Design police spec and be correctly installed, otherwise you're just making yourself vulnerable.

Car maintenance - you just need regular service at a trusted garage plus breakdown cover. Halfords do winter vehicle health checks. If you have the car manual it will tell you how to top up washer fluid, what pressure the tyres need to be etc. If you don't have the manual, Google will tell you.

House maintenance - if it's rented then landlord should sort anything with the property that breaks and arrange boiler service.

I did a basic plumbing course when I started living alone which demystified it all and explained the difference between an emergency leak that needs a plumber and a non-emergency leak you can sort yourself at your leisure. Plus stopcocks and basic repairs. It's not scary once you know that.

You can look most things up between YouTube, the Screwfix forums and general Google.

He may have made you feel helpless or incapable, but you'll soon realise you can handle the car/house maintenance yourself just fine. Most of it isn't that difficult, the rest you outsource (like everyone else, including him).

Reliable locks for downstairs windows and all doors so that you don't worry about noises in the night.
Get recommendations for a good local handyman/woman in case there's a job you can't do yourself.
Try to make friends with one or two close neighbours so that you feel you are amongst friends.
Believe that you will manage fine once you are used to being on your own, and that you may even enjoy being more independent.

Also

Porch light on a sensor so it comes on automatically as you approach and you don't have to leave the light manually switched on when you go out (because it screams "empty house"). Ask your landlord if you don't already have this.

Indoor lights on timers so you don't come home to dark house. Or you can get lights like this that come on automatically when it gets dark: https://www.toolstation.com/integral-led-nightlight/p94943?

Curtains/blinds and keep them closed once starts to get dark outside so people can't see in to appraise your contents. Voiles/net curtains also useful for this purpose during the day if you have windows people can walk past.

big bolt across the inside of the front door and backdoor for putting across at nighttime. And do it every night!

you can get a wind up torch and wind up radio that also serves to charge your phone (wind up!) as well. Might be worth grabbing. I think I got mine on amazon.

Re key safe - have had one for at least 15 years without any issues. Very useful for letting the cleaner in and never worrying about forgetting keys!

Apparently stashing drinking water in your car for emergency use is potentially unsafe as it will repeatedly get warmed up (when the car interior heats up on a sunny day) and even sealed bottles can grow bugs when warmed & left longterm. Unhelpfully I can't remember if there was a solution to this suggested as in general having an emergency stash in the car is very sensible.

I am hoping to soon be living alone with a younger child soon & sorry but a lot of these tips are for emergency situations that are very unlikely to come up, surely? Ive had a power cut once in the past 10 years. It’a good to be prepared but a lot of this advice feels quite alarmist.
I am planning to get better at DIY (via YouTube), to make friends with new neighbours to get recommendations of local plumbers etc for things I can’t do, to have an LED timer light go on cheaply in a window so I come home to a lit up house, but also to keep doing things I’ve always done at home: give spare keys to a friend, get a British Gas service contract on the boiler so they check it and I get emergency call outs included, have a shopping list saved online that I can use as the basis of a fortnightly shop so no need to carry cans and bulky things etc home, to have a list of bills etc so I am ready every month.
i also plan to do lots of things my STBXH has made hard: trying new recipes, lighting nice candles, long baths, having a TV series and a book on the go, seeing friends more, having more fun at home with my child, growing things (I won’t have much of a garden but a few pots are always nice), having moisturiser I like without worrying he’ll say it doesn’t smell good etc etc…all feels like (in small ways) rediscovering my taste and who I am. I’m going to paint the walls nice colours or maybe if that’s too much get a couple of cushions or rugs that are just my taste. And have fun doing some of this with my child.
I think it will be fun. I hope it is for you too, OP.

anyone recommend an inexpensive timer lamp I can put in my halllway.
Wondering if it should be rechargeable rather than mains/ or both

You don't need to buy special lamps, you just get plug-in timers. Plug lamp into timer and plug timer into socket.

https://www.toolstation.com/axiom-plug-in-timer/p33837?

You can get more complicated ones than this that allow you to set different times for different days of the week, but this is the cheapest most basic kind.

@WildflowerB It depends entirely on YOU as to what you want your new life to look like and what makes YOU feel safe! 🙂

Power cuts happen rarely for some, and quite regularly for others. When you have small children in the mix, then it changes things. If you’ve not lived on your own for a while (or ever lived on your own) then feeling secure is a big deal.

Having a warm, cozy and safe home to come back to is important for most of us.

I do have a small child. And obviously want my home to be secure.
But as a woman facing a v similar situation to OP I felt this thread was becoming more scary than helpful so without wanting to derail I thought I’d suggest some less alarmist ideas I have been given & found useful. I didn’t mean to derail.

@WildflowerB
I have shared, as I presume other PPs have, my own tips for living alone post separation are doing so from a place of understanding the anxiety and practical implications of living alone with DC.

Sorry if you think this is "alarmist" but that's your view and the OP has welcomed the tips, having asked for advice on making things simple and safe and being prepared in emergencies.

Personally I have also welcomed the sharing of the practical tips.

If you want a thread about to enjoy your post separation life with "less scary" ideas you should start your own thread.

I’ve also shared some practical emergency tips which I hope are helpful eg British Gas service contract which I don’t believe anyone else had mentioned.
I’ve also already said I didn’t mean to derail the thread by suggesting it might not all be about emergency planning.
I am also facing this situation & was listing things I have found helpful in feeling less anxious.
If they’re not helpful just ignore them.

I don't think it's derailing to attempt to put some of the nerves and fears about living alone in perspective. That's a perfectly reasonable and supportive thing to do. There's no need to feel living alone is dangerous.

Tbf houses themselves are unfortunately pretty easy to break into for a determined person, so IMO a well placed key safe isn't an issue.