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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Living on own 1st time ever -top tips

92 replies

DoubtjngThomas · 26/09/2024 18:53

So after 30 years of marriage I find myself on my own with DD in a very old rented house. Ex was rubbish on an emotional level but did the lions share of house/car maintenance.

What are your top tips on making life as simple and safe as possible for myself and prepared in emergencies?

So far I have

Bought car breakdown cover
Candles and matches in case of power cuts
Taken meter readings for gas/electricity
Ordered broadband (although already been told issues with connection)
Ordered logs for the fire
Spare house key cut for my sister just in case of emergencies

What else can I do to make me feel less anxious about doing this on my own?

OP posts:
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CleanShirt · 27/09/2024 08:07

@DoubtjngThomas I'm in a similar position, moved into my new post divorce place 3 weeks ago. Make sure you have an Amazon prime subscription - I've found thousands of things that I didn't have or needed and got them through Amazon to arrive the next day!

I also installed a key safe which takes a big weight off.

Eviebeans · 27/09/2024 08:20

Not a practical tip but none the less important I think - don’t live your life always afraid of the worst that could happen (I did that at the beginning)
don't treat your current home as a rental property- love it and make it your space

greenwoodentablelegs · 27/09/2024 08:24

Hey a key safe and install it.

if have a garden or pots out front then plant spring bulbs now ! Future you will thank you !

Greentreesandbushes · 27/09/2024 08:38

Lamp on a timer to come on late afternoon. So never going back to a dark house.

same with a low radio and slow cooker

Pixiedust1234 · 27/09/2024 08:40

Placemarking to read later. Stbx moved out this week and my head is all over the place. Good luck OP.

August2024 · 27/09/2024 12:08

Argos do a light up keysafe - makes a difference in the dark!!

DoubtjngThomas · 27/09/2024 12:11

So, need to buy

Light up key safe
Lamps and timers
Emergency battery lantern and torches
Pump for car tyres

Anything else

OP posts:
Anya80 · 27/09/2024 12:17

From bad experience locate the stop cock if you haven't already. For DIY things how-to videos on YouTube are dull to watch but very useful

AdaColeman · 27/09/2024 12:52

Make sure you've applied for the 25% discount on Council Tax for single adult occupancy of your house.

Lots of luck to you, it can be tough at times but you will do it! Thanks Thanks

Fantasea · 27/09/2024 13:35

DoubtjngThomas · 27/09/2024 07:19

Thank you all for so much sound advice and thoughts. Really grateful.

Of course torches are much more sensible than candles. I will look on Amazon.

Just realised I have given a gas reading but not electricity. The LED screen doesn't show anything unless I push buttons and even then I don't know what I'm looking at. Should I just Google?

Are there any other meters I should be aware of?

Sorry I sound so useless Sad

If you go on YouTube and put in 'how to take an electricity meter reading on [name of meter]' you'll be able to watch how to do it and which number you need to report. Do you have a water meter? This will be outside in the front garden or on the drive and has a black rectangular cover which you lift up on the latch with an old knife or similar.

You're not useless, you're getting organised and being very sensible. I remember how daunting it all was when I started living alone with my DD.

Chronicallymothering · 27/09/2024 13:49

I have a ready prepared sick bucket with gloves, , a roll of bin bags, antibacterial wipes and spare towels/ bedding.

I bought lots of cold and flu medicine and immodium in case I am poorly and alone. Thermometer. Plasters etc.

you can buy an electric tread gauge for your tyres. Keep a blanket and 2 litres of water in your car for emergencies.

make some local friends who you can call on in an emergency and enjoy the freedom.

DoubtjngThomas · 27/09/2024 14:06

All super helpful tips thank you. The car is a worry. It's 10 years old and has a few issues. I must get a new battery fitted as it's gone flat a couple of times

OP posts:
Candlesburn · 27/09/2024 17:36

Hi Op I wish you and your daughter lots of happy times ahead in your new home . I hope that it is a lovely fresh start for you both .

Just some thoughts - if your car is due its insurance soon - you could check if any of the options offered give free car cover with blue flag etc . AA & RAC are usually more expensive .
Have a look on money saving expert and compare the market if needing to get quotes etc . I think I read that if you do your car insurance quote early you save money too .
If you don't like putting reminders on your phone - either get your daughter to show you or have back up with a kitchen calendar and write the dates in that . I always try to put in dates after December at the back of the calendar for the coming year . Sometimes I forget though and put in the recycling bin before I have written the dates for the new year Blush.
Spend some time as well as others have said updating your new address to banks etc . Make sure if your DD is still at school that you has let the school know her new details .

Have you moved far - do you need to register with new dentist / doctors ?

If you have any death in service benefits at work - have you updated to take your H off & give them your new address details .

The next door app can be a bit of an acquired taste . My local one is full of nail technicians and slightly strange handmade items . But it's is actually good for local handymen etc and usually cheaper than some other options .

I think it would be great if you and your daughter were able to think about lovely things you could do together now that you are on your own . She may be a typical teenager be out with friends a lot - but you could try and bribe her with a weekly / fortnightly movie / ice cream- cream night or even a pamper night - again can do that relatively cheaply , face masks , moisturiser , leave conditioner in etc .
Good luck Flowers

LividSquid · 27/09/2024 19:43

Get stuff like loo roll and dishwasher tablets on Subscribe and Save. You should aim to always have a backup of essentials/replace before things run out.

Scope out your neighbours to see who you can text in an emergency to say please can you take my bin out, I'm in Spain and forgot bin day, or whatever. My neighbour is also a single mum and we've helped each other out on plenty of occasions.

Take the time to learn who you really are. Do stuff your way, or find out what that is. Don't eat unless you're hungry, don't have anything in the house that doesn't spark joy, whatever it takes to finally be you and not someone in a shit relationship.

PS: living alone is the best and I hope you can love it as much as I do now.

Sepoctnov · 27/09/2024 20:28

Great to see so many handy tips here which I hope are helpful to you OP.

Another tip from me. I also always keep up stocks of food in the cupboard. It's probably a hangover from Covid times but makes me feel less anxious if there's always plenty if food in the house.

To everyone suggesting a key safe, how safe are these really? I'd be worried that they would be easy to break into.

PandaChopChop · 27/09/2024 21:15

Well done! You've done the hard bit. I was you two years ago so here are the things that have made a massive difference to me...

Ring/similar doorbell. Sky recently have done a contents insurance deal that comes with a doorbell cam, indoor cam, motion sensors and it all connects to an app on your phone. I feel much safer having it. The Sky one doesn't require a subscription (although obviously I am paying for contents insurance for the next year. But that's important).

Have a good relationship with your estate agent/landlord as much as possible, our agents have been brilliant even when my previous landlord was being hideous.

Emergency phone numbers, torches, batteries of all sizes, pens, basic toolkit including a drill and screw set.

Electric lawnmower- with a rechargeable battery. Feels so much safer than faffing about with corded ones or petrol tanks. (Pricey. But so so worth it!) Get a keter lockable bin store to keep outside stuff in if you don't have much storage or a shed. Loads of room and cheaper than getting a full on shed.

Make friends with your neighbours if you can- I'm not naturally an extroverted person so I found it really hard to do this but all my neighbours have been absolutely wonderful and they look out for me and I do for them. One of them even spotted me coming in from an extremely long few days at work and handed me a tub of Korean noodles. She was amazing!

Find yourself a decent local tradie who can do handyman jobs if you find yourself in need, but remember to report everything to your estate agent to protect yourself (and your deposit).

Check your credit score, get on the electoral role (that increases your credit score). I signed up to experian for a few months. Had to get a loan to buy the car.

Finally- buy some houseplants, get an Alexa/radio, lots of comfy blankets and cushions. I have the alexa on most of the time when I'm alone for a bit of company.

Lean on your support network. You'll be absolutely okay and come to love life on your own! 🥰

PandaChopChop · 27/09/2024 21:17

Oh yes- absolutely leave a spare key with someone you trust or get a keysafe. I am paranoid about locking myself out 😆

PandaChopChop · 27/09/2024 21:20

Oh- last one from me (promise). Get a little lamp or something by your front door and/or bedroom. I might be shot down here but I always leave it on if I know I'm going to be back home late at night. X

Mmhmmn · 27/09/2024 21:28

Spare big batteries, the rectangular ones, for smoke alarms. When the batteries go and the beeping starts - invariably outside of shopping hours - the torment is real!

Also a good torch as well as candles?

Mmhmmn · 27/09/2024 21:30

To everyone suggesting a key safe, how safe are these really? I'd be worried that they would be easy to break into.

Me too!! Your key to your house, literally right there beside your door? No ta!

ShinyPrettyThings87 · 27/09/2024 21:32

You're getting lots of sensible advice so I'll add something that I look forward to when I wake up without partner here (he works away alot). Especially once kids have left for school.

Quick pick up/tidy up and robot hoover on.
Coffee machine on and favourite mug ready.
Dishwasher for supper/breakfast dishes, on.
Washing machine, on.
If cold, electric blanket on.
If not, open windows.
Have half an hour to just chill before starting your day and let technology pull some of the weight.

And it might seem scary having to start alone. I was agrophobic when I left my ex. Petrified. You'll soon form habits of making sure doors are locked and windows are shut each night. You'll get used to that creepy, creaking sound just being from the house cooling down.

But it's one of the best feelings being rid of the guy, even if you miss him sometimes or feel lonely. It's just the transition.
It's the best feeling, living at your own pace and finding your own feet in it. Learning DIY and even messing it up will all be a learning curve. But when you get it right, it's rather empowering. Good luck creating your new chapter ☺️

PandaChopChop · 27/09/2024 21:37

Back again 😆

Open your windows for at least 10/20 mins a day- or if you have the small top windows, leave them partially open (but locked in the frame, if that makes sense) to keep damp and mould away. Particularly in your bathroom and kitchen.

AdaColeman · 27/09/2024 21:39

Re what @Chronicallymothering said about being prepared for illness, I keep two or three litres of water and a couple of small bottles of Lucozade in my bedroom, and they've helped me to get through days when I've been too ill to get downstairs for drinks. I keep them updated every few months.

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