Any mums want 50/50?

[Clumsy12345]

I notice a lot of threads on here from mum’s not wanting 50/50 or trying to fight it which I understand but are there any mums that wanted 50/50? I would have loved 50/50 but unfortunately ex wasn’t interested and would rather not see them. This isn't a post for people saying they don’t want 50/50 I already see many posts about that this is simply to wonder if there are any mums who wanted 50/50 or have 50/50 and are happy with it? as I often wonder if it’s just me that would have liked 50/50.

I have 50/50 of my DS and as others have said I really am pleased, and he loves it. We do week on / week off. It means we both get a week where we get to be the parent at all the extra curricular activities and then a week off. My employer was great, I work a bit more flexibly on the week I have my DS and then less flexibly when I don't.

The thing my DS understands is its fair, equally over time it has allowed me and ExH to have a solid co-parenting relationship because at no point have we claimed that one of us is a better parent than the other.

DS has two of most things, one at each house, so he packs up his school bag on a Wednesday and then goes home to the other parents house for the week.

We don't do child maintenance, at the beginning of each term we agree extra curriculars, wrap around care etc and then split the cost 50/50.

i'm sure there is a higher percentage of parents with SEN children who are not only separated but also either crave 50/50 or realise it suits their child to have one main home. those that know , know

Could I ask about school uniform, shoes, winter coats, haircuts and things like that please? Obviously both parents will pay for food and essentials whilst they both have the children but it's essentially one that buys all of those other bits. How do you deal with that?

My ex is going for 50/50 (and he looks likely to get it) but he has hated having to pay me maintenance in the interim. I will not be able to get any money from him for those other essentials that they need. Does anyone know if this can be put into a court order please? I think I'll still have a nightmare getting him to contribute even if it is to be honest.

I would have liked a more structured plan as opposed to him only seeing her when he feels like it. He originally wanted 50/50, but his actions since have made me glad I listened to what my son wanted.

interesting to hear all sides, it’s still something i would have hoped and haven’t changed my mind on that, seems the best of both worlds really, as for things like uniform and clothes i’m guessing each parent has their own at each house?

50/50 was my preference, but ex could not cope with teen DS at all, so I got full custody with the odd few days off. It was pretty full on. Not sure I would have coped as a single dad if they were younger.

I believe it can be written in

Some parents have a bank account (joint) where they deposit an agreed amount monthly to cover school uniform school costs etc however they need to be two reasonable people for this to work
I've also heard of parents taking a year on year off approach for school uniform one pays out one year one pays out the other year

Ex-DH and I have always had the kids 50-50. We have a great co-parenting relationship / friendship, along with his new wife who is an amazing step-mum.

Between us, my kids get 2 lovely homes and 3 adults who love them and care for them, plus 2 sets of holidays and 2 main Christmas presents! We’ve always ensured we live nearby, have similar rules and keep lines of communication open. We spend birthdays and special occasions all together (including my DP too), and all the assorted grandparents who still get on really well.

Our kids are thriving and flourishing - I’m eternally thankful for that.

It probably depends on if the ex partner is reliable and they'll be able to co-parent amicably. Also, 50-50 would make it more financially difficult for some parents perhaps? Plus could also depend on the child's age. I might be willing to do 50-50 for older kids but not as willing for babies or toddlers

School uniform we both buy what we need.

We share a pair of school shoes, haircuts take it in turns, winter coat one at each house.

Nothing to do with liking/disliking but all to do with how well you think that parent would look after and prioritise the children's needs. I split with ex when they were very young and he had no clue about their needs and wouldn't prioritise them, so I fought for more than 50/50 and got it. Now the children are older and can advocate for themselves I am less bothered about how much time they spend at each house, although the fact that I consistently get asked to have them on ex's days does suggest that 50/50 would never have worked anyway and my instinct was right.

I would be considerably better off personally given i have my kids full time and don’t get any maintenance.

Me too. Kids 12/14 nights and no maintenance here.
Obviously Ex would be significantly worse off financially and it is clear they cannot afford to care for their children - at the current time the only thing bought is food & basic toiletries.