im looking for advice here if anyone has any.
im 35 and have been with my wife for about 15 years, married for 8. looking back i dont think it has ever been a very healthy relationship, but we were young when we got together. we do have a good life in a lot of ways, our house isnt big but its nice, we have pets and two beautiful children.
the problem is being around my wife makes me miserable. i try my best to be a really hands on parent, playing with the kids, dancing round and having fun when we do jobs etc. but all this seems to do is make my wife angry and she never joins in.
i struggle being the only one who plays with the kids or does anything involving energy. she tends to just sit down whilst we do things but shes also really quite controlling over what we do and where we go.
theres no abuse or substances, just a LOT of repressed emotions and no capacity to resolve these. she wouldnt be open to counselling and even if she did, i honestly dont think she'd adopt anything different.
ive tried to change to fit more what she wanted from me, to see if that made things better. it just made me more unhappy and didnt improve things in the long run
we dont talk very much and when the kids go to bed, we sometimes dont even sit in the same room. we dont tend to argue a lot, but thats more because theres just no benefit to it now, rather than because we get along.
i know deep down that im not happy in my marriage and that, if not for my kids i would have left her a long time ago. but the idea of breaking up a happy home for my kids churns me up inside.
the thought of not seeing them every day or them questioning why we've separated utterly kills me.
i just wondered what experiences everyone else may have had of this and how theyve coped.
i would love to separate, but i dont think i could hurt anyone, and dont know how id cope with what it may do for my kids or how it may affect our relationship.