Can my ex demand i update him on our kids?

[whycantitbecalm]

Ok, so we have been apart for 18 months, our children are 18, 16 and 15.

My ex was controlling and mean and disrespectful to all of us throughout the marriage and physically aggressive at times, but never hit any of us directly.
Very Jekyll and Hyde.

Our eldest see's him occasionally when he wants money. The other two refuse to speak to him and are struggling processing the way he treated them and one is in therapy to try and talk it through.

As part of the divorce we went through mediation, at the time i was asked to update him weekly on the boys, which i did for 6 months.

Every week my ex would be just as manipulative as he was when we were married and tell me how disappointed he is that i'm not making the boys see him and it was making me extremely anxious.

I have explained to him that they need time to process all of this and have plenty of life ahead of them to decide if they want a relationship with him.
I have also told them that whatever they choose to do i will support them.

My ex this week has contacted the mediator asking if we can see her again because he's not happy with my lack of communication.

I have told him if there is anything they want him to know i will pass it on to him, or they will. They have each others numbers and are plenty old enough to communicate

So after all that waffle i'm just wondering if anyone knows if he can legally make me keep him updated.

@JaneEyre40thanks hun, i rarely respond to him, and agree the emotionless way is best, but after two and half years he still hasn’t got the message 🤪😳 i’ve just started a professional email and searched for my last one for reference and it is full of everything i want to say this time. It’s mind bending

So the kids are 19, almost 18 and 16?

Dear Mediator,

You are aware of the age of the children.
[X’s] relationship with me, and with each of the children broke down due to his temper and the manipulative way he interacts with them by text.
Given that he has done zero to attempt to create a positive and constructive relationship I find the suggestion of mediation pointless. In addition I just think it is a continuation of the abuse I experienced during the marriage.

Thanks

Then think about just ignoring it?

Why did you tell him what colleges your 16 and 17 year old go to ? Did your solicitor tell you that you had to tell your ex?

If not, why are you putting your exs wishes about those of your children ?

Why are you even still replying? Block him.

Please please block his number!

my friend did have to keep her ex up to date until their youngest was 16.her last message to him was a sentence and was one week before her child turned 16. She hasn’t messaged him since.

her contact usually said. (Name change) Millie is fine, she does not want any contact with you. Or Millie has been unwell this week with flu but is much better, she does not want contact with you.

Please block him. No Mediator or judge will agree with him. Well done for sticking up for your kids, they can block him too. Now you need to stick up for yourself and your own well being- block him. Although you deal with his messages better now than when you first split, it does still affect you. You keep the number unblocked out of fear and maybe duty? But there is no need. Give yourself a break and block him. And enjoy that freedom.

Solicitor here.
block him.
you don’t owe him anything. I have no idea why you are entertaining any of this rubbish.
tell the mediator you are not mediating and not to contact you again.