Other woman msg child

[choco2]

My ex's girlfriend who was the affair partner has started to msg my teenage daughter. She has autism and other special needs and I feel this is completely inappropriate and that my child is vulnerable.
She has no need to msg my child - where do I stand legally with this?
She isn't a reasonable person and will not respond well if I tell her not too. She doesn't crazy things like spray her perfume on my daughter etc so there is no reasoning with her, she is constantly trying to insert herself into her life and grills her for information which my child has said she feels uncomfortable with.
I want to send a clear msg to her to stop and was thinking of phoning the police to make a compliant.

I assume that your ex, the father of the child, introduced her to your daughter. In which case he considers her a safe person to interact with his child. There will be people who you introduce to your child and who you allow to interact with her. This is not an issue for the police. It is a consequence of marital breakdown. You will introduce your children to new people. The only circumstances in which you can object is one where there is a provable safeguarding risk.

What you can do is maintain some influence over your ex so you can have a quiet word to ask him to intervene with things that make your daughter feel uncomfortable. Better still help your daughter have the conversation.

I think you need to be clearer, what exactly is she messaging? What do you mean she dose crazy things like spray perfume on your child? Is he letting your dd try her perfumes or spraying her randomly when dd dosnt want her to?

what have you tried when you say there is no reasoning with her?

What would your complaint to the police be? I can’t see what law she’s broken. If your daughter isn’t comfortable with her dad’s partner contacting her she doesn’t need to respond and she’ll probably stop.

My ex doesn't participate in any parenting- refuses to saying it's 'too hard work' and he doesn't have any communication with me (his choice) so I can't speak to him about it. My daughter doesn't have the skills or ability to address this but has spoken to me about how it makes her uncomfortable.

Believe me this isn't about her seeing my daughter I long ago accepted that she will have a relationship with my daughter however I do feel it is inappropriate to correspond with my daughter when she isn't at her dads house. My daughter is under the care of mental health services and has autism and is vulnerable. She is an adult and has no need to communicate with my daughter outside the time she is at her dad's.

If your dd is uncomfortable, why not just encourage her to block?

The only way I can see this would be a police matter is if she is harassing your daughter with constant messages or is sending sexual material or something of that nature.

Otherwise it's not a police matter and if your daughter does not want to hear from her then she needs to block her.

My daughter is not comfortable expressing her needs to her father or to this woman. She is a very quiet child who masks and expresses her wishes to me and her mental health worker and a few teachers - she has stated ahead of time won't speak to them and came to me about the messages as she wasn't happy with being messaged but didn't know what to respond. I was thinking of asking her mental health worker to correspond with her father by email or letter perhaps (he doesn't engage with her health workers) because I don't want this to come across as me being on a witch hunt - I thought if it came from an independent party who was told by my daughter it might be better received

My daughter has limited capacity and I feel that the motivation of this woman should be questioned. Why does she feel the need to communicate.
If this was my boyfriend msging my daughter then I'm sure her father would question why a grown man would want to msg a vulnerable teenage girl.

So why haven't you blocked her?

God you sound like my husband's ex.

That's irrelevant and unhelpful.
I'm concerned about my child's wellbeing

Okay, more helpfully.

Where do you stand? Nowhere. Legally you can do sweet AF about it. You can block her, that is all.

I haven't blocked her because this is just the latest in a long line of things that are inappropriate and tbh if I have a case of legal action I want to take it as this woman will not stop. This isn't a case of bitterness this woman has a long history of similiar behaviour with other people and also has had social services involvement.
I want to send a msg to her that I will not tolerate this with my daughter so that's why I wanted to know if there was any legal action as nothing else has worked.

I haven't blocked her as I just found out about it so wanted others opinions and experiences- I'm trying to respond rather than react and am monitoring the msgs

So what law has she broken?
Why are you willing to allow your child to be upset and tortured for your own crusade?

She was the other woman and now she is your ex's partner.

If your daughter is uncomfortable with receiving messages she can speak to you or her dad about it but it looks like you are the one causing the drama.

That is what I'm trying to say my daughter can't advocate for herself so I have to explore other options- hence the legal route but also because I want to do the opposite of cause drama I want to establish clear boundaries with this woman. As I have said she has engaged in similiar behaviour before and both police and social services have been involved.
If I block her then this will cause her to question my daughter who is not in a place to handle this, if I msg her back and ask her to stop it will start a big row so that's why I thought police or my daughters mental health worker.

If you block her, she won't be able to question your daughter.

You don't get to set boundaries.
You don't have the control. She doesn't have to care about what you say.

Step parents can't do right for doing wrong. I understand some of your concerns but can't help thinking your blowing this way out of proportion (maybe because she's dating your ex)

I'm sure there's nothing malicious or actually concerning being discussed.

I do get to set boundaries as I am her mother, her father has only recently come back into her life after disappearing and reappearing repeatedly causing her confusion and anxiety. Now this woman is passing her notes and msging her and she has clearly stated she is upset. She can be questioned as she visits her dad and then green this woman is there and she has been questioned in the past.

It's also not me creating drama - as a step-parent it's her who is creating drama - she has no need to msg my daughter and her and my ex make no effort to see her extra so it's not to build a relationship. Also I think it's funny how I have come on here and asked for advice and opinions on how to handle another persons inappropriate behaviour and it has been turned around to me creating drama. I am not the person who created this situation and have a right to be corncerned as my daughter is vulnerable and this woman has past involvement with social services and the police. It's actually mothers that can't do right for doing wrong- there have been many things I have let go and not raised in order to keep the peace and not create drama- however if something inappropriate was said or done I would then be criticised for not doing something. I have walked the balance of trying to keep the peace, I have suggested mediation, i have changed plans repeatedly so as not to start arguments because I don't want my daughter being stressed or upset. My daughter is in mental health services so my priority will always be her and not the adults in this situation so I don't care how the stepmother feels as my priority is the minor. Take your feelings out of this and think of it in terms of 'AN ADULT TEXTING A MINOR'. It is the adult that is doing this that is at fault not the mother who has come on to ask for advice.

What have the messages said? If they are pleasant day to day things then you just come across a little jealous. Is it possible your daughter is just saying she is uncomfortable as she thinks that is what you want to hear. If she likes her dad's girlfriend then it's a relationship that should be encouraged surely despite your opinion.

On the flip side if they are inappropriate and she does genuinely have the police and SS involved in the situation with your daughter then surely you need to update them of this and let them deal with it.

What do these messages say? Without a general idea of their contents, it's really hard to know whether your reaction is proportionate or not.

I'm an adult, and I TEXT A MINOR. Am I doing something inappropriate?

Take your feelings out of this and think of it in terms of 'AN ADULT TEXTING A MINOR'. It is the adult that is doing this that is at fault not the mother who has come on to ask for advice

At fault for what?? Unless as pp said the messages are of a sexual nature or something she's doing nothing wrong. It's not illegal for an adult to text a minor just because of their age. It's certainly not a Police matter

If your daughter can't speak for herself you need to step up and do it. Either contact your ex or his partner & ask her to stop.

Legally there's nothing illegal going on