Other woman msg child

[choco2]

My ex's girlfriend who was the affair partner has started to msg my teenage daughter. She has autism and other special needs and I feel this is completely inappropriate and that my child is vulnerable.
She has no need to msg my child - where do I stand legally with this?
She isn't a reasonable person and will not respond well if I tell her not too. She doesn't crazy things like spray her perfume on my daughter etc so there is no reasoning with her, she is constantly trying to insert herself into her life and grills her for information which my child has said she feels uncomfortable with.
I want to send a clear msg to her to stop and was thinking of phoning the police to make a compliant.

You can’t get angry when you’ve drip fed important info.

In normal circumstances, dad’s gf texting dd isn’t unusual. Probably more normal to have dad, gf and child in a group chat. If she was texting inappropriate material like abuse about you then I suspect that you would have said. I assume that the texts are friendly - funny TikToks or whatever. Your dd isn’t unreasonable not to like it but is there a possibility that she’s said this for your benefit? It’s very common for kids of divorced parents to tell each parent what they think the parent wants to hear.

Have you spoken to social services about whether this woman is safe to be around your dd? If she’s not, then it sounds like dad will choose gf so visitation will end again.

The only trump card you have is your DD’s age. Teenagers are considered capable of choosing how much contact they have with dad and it sounds like dad isn’t the type to go to court. You don’t say how dd feels about contact so I am
assuming that current contact is really with the gf.

You texting gf’s son is not the same and would hopefully land you in legal trouble. You have no justifiable link to her son hence must never contact him. The gf has an actual link to your dd and could be a stepmum to her soon.

Firstly it doesn't matter whether the history is towards my child or not - the past behaviour is there and I will not wait until my child becomes her next victim.
If everyone were to use the rationale of they haven't done it to my child/haven't done it in this ...... situation then this can be applied to everything.
Past behaviour predicts future behaviour - that's the reason why violent criminals and sex offenders have restrictions (and no I'm not accusing her of these things)
So do you suggest I wait until she does the same behaviour towards my child before I say anything. Do you not think that social services and the police would ask if I knew ahead of time had done stuff in the past why didn't I take steps to protect my daughter.

The reason I haven't stated what was in the msg is because it doesn't matter the behaviour of sending the msgs is what is wrong.

You said it yourself - I shouldn't have msg another woman's child. Your issue is with my motivation behind the act and this is exactly my issue with her doing it to my child her motivation for doing it.

Funny how the same action is seen through a lens of bias !

Also following the rationale of this woman has a small part to play in my daughters life because she knows her father and spends a few hrs a week with her then I'm assuming it's ok if teachers, dance tutors, bus drivers, other parents msg her as well - afterall the only criteria seems to be that she spends a few hrs in her company!! (Remember I said that if the father took an active role and there was shared custody etc I wouldn't have an issue however in this case there is not!)

Let me repeat:
She has a history of abuse
She has involvement with police and social services
She can barely look after her own child
She doesn't see my child for any significant time
The father and her take no part in any aspect of my child's life outside the few hrs they spend with her
My child is vulnerable

None of the above seems to matter though because she is the father's girlfriend and that seems to give her rights.

And no i didn't msg her son so calm down - I was illustrating a point.

And the responses to me suggesting I did show exactly what I feel when she does it to my daughter.

I think this post is better left as it is. I appreciate the balanced replies and will take them under consideration.

However the people who suggested that she has a right to msg my child simply based on the criteria of being a girlfriend of the child's father then perhaps have a think of where this opinion came from? It's internal bias. And I proved this by suggesting the same action.

I came on here to ask for advice, I gave the definition thought were relevant and added more as needed. I asked for advice and I also suggested alternatives (get her mental health worker involved). I was met with personal attacks (being bitter, like husbands ex-wife, a drama-llhama etc). It's also quite shocking that even after I posted about this woman's history of abuse and violence and how an ex-partner of hers had removed a child from being around her, how she openly admitted she wasn't coping with being a parent to her own child and lastly that she has had involvement with police and social services some of you still defended her right to do this!!! That is simply shocking!! Take your internal bias out of it and ask if you would let your child in contact with a youth leader, teacher or bus driver etc with the same history? I bet you wouldn't yet because she is the girlfriend to the child's father I am expected to let mine!!

I will continue to put my child first and look after her safety and welfare rather than worry whether I upset reckless adults who
put their own hedonistic needs before their own children's.
Thank goodness there were some balanced responses

How old is your daughter?

@choco2
where I used to live there a man living on the floor above me was a violent man arrested for domestic abuse and then released as his girlfriend didn’t want to press charges. It once got caught on CCTV and I and neighbours were witness to the sound of the screaming banging the lot. I felt very intimidated by him and was afraid to leave my flat, one day he was screaming at his girlfriend on the ground floor saw that I was listening in the stairwell started running towards me but I couldn’t pre-empt a crime and the police did nothing.
this isn’t the only example I could give but even with history you can’t “pre empt” a crime.
that said if dad can’t be bothered to go to court stop the contact with her dad for your daughters sake, don’t let her go over there anymore and block the woman from talking to her everywhere. Because it’s better that she doesn’t have a shitty relationship with her dad Than the alternative

That doesn’t matter her daughter is still classed as a vulnerable person and lacks capacity to make decisions for herself

There is legal action you could take first of all stop contact then let him take you to court when he does present the evidence that the person he’s let have contact with your child has all these issues and is a danger when the courts realise the father can’t safeguard his own child and how much of a shit father he is for all the reasons you have listed they won’t give him contact go and get it removed off him actually

OP as per my earlier message, the first course of action is always to ask her to stop.

It's excessive to try a legal route now if stopping all contact given you haven't tried at all to resolve the problem.

It will look like parental alienation.

Quite the drama, tell her to stop. Tell your ex to tell her to stop and go from there if they won't listen to you.

At your daughter's age, despite her vulnerabilities, she can simply choose not to see her dad at all if she wants and block them
Out.

The content of the messaging is actually pivotal despite you dismissing it

your behaviour now to her son is down right weird and creepy

simply block her and tell her not to message
if you genuinely think it’s inappropriate

I would encourage your dd to talk this through with a trusted adult. You are too emotionally involved iyswim? I think it would do her the world of good to chat with one of her mental health practitioners or a trusted teacher about it.
Given her past, I wouldn't trust the gf's motives either. I wouldn't block, would continue to check dd's phone and I'd be tempted to get in touch with SS if it continues for advice. Unless she messages infrequently, then I'd just block.
I have no idea why you got the responses you did. Posters just like kicking someone who is down, you drew the short straw unfortunately.

You've went out of your way to go onto a game and find a specific child to use them for your own purposes.... there's a name for that.

Psychotic? Deranged? Either way, OP is the one that needs help here, not her daughter.

No she didn’t she was using it as an example and comparison to show that talking to a child you’re not involved with is very wrong and she doesn’t like being called these things as she is trying to protect her daughter from a dangerous person who’s threatened other children been involved with social services and previously had her own child removed

It does matter how old her daughter is. If she is vulnerable and depending on her age should she even have a device that allows this woman to message her?

you could automatically re-direct the messages from your daughter's phone to your own?

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.frzinapps.smsforward&hl=en&gl=US

it's a free app

Some of the responses on here are just awful and very condescending. OP, I would cut contact and block this woman. If dds dad doesn't have much involvement and she is uncomfortable while there no need to make her suffer any more than she has to, yes it's her dad but you said he doesn't really parent and hasn't been a constant in her life.