He just threatened to remove my credit card

[thirtyseven37]

We've only been separated two weeks and he's already threatened to remove my credit card. It's his account and I have a card. I use it to buy food shopping and stuff for the kids. We live together - he earns the money and I provide the childcare and housework. What can I do?

Could you set up as a childminder yourself? Sounds like there's a massive gap in the local market, meaning you'll earn more than your current minimum wage. I appreciate it'll take longer to set up, which is a hassle when your head isn't in the right place.

@PrimalLass
My other favourite is can you get a promotion to earn more 🤣 So many on here have never had a worry, not every area has an abundance of childcare.

@Itsallok @MoominPyjamas
Do you not think OP has tried to find this available childminder you think is readily there? Not every employer can have 10-6, you do know lots of businesses don't have that flexibility; retails, hospitality etc.
People on here truly live in a bubble.

The Op was earning a good 9 to 5 type salary according to the OP so its likely to be a professional role. And yes, have a look on your local FB page and find a student looking for this sort of work. Don't tell me its not available - once kids are in school its a great option

Unless you prefer to play the helpless female role. Which Mumsnet is full of. And everyone should have their own bank account. Its commonsense.

Lots of uni students are visiting for the summer now so that might help x

Get a job and don’t be financially dependent on him?

You need to see a family lawyer and, if STBXH is serious about cutting you off financially, make an application for interim maintenance (which is an order the court can make compelling him to pay a set amount by way of maintenance each month until your final financial order is made in the divorce process).

I have a job thank you

Some of these answers are quite strange and misogynistic on a mainly female parenting forum.

As I and, more recently, @Elektra1, said, you need to see a lawyer and get an interim financial order.

I also think that you should tell your husband that, if he intends to take your credit card, he will have to pick up and drop offs at least two days a week so you can work, and you will be informing the school to expect him and contact him if he doesn’t come.

I think you both need to step up as parents.
And stop relying on each other.

My first rule for any marriage would be have your own money.

Sadly Op lots don’t read or think that if you haven’t got childcare it’s easy to find . It isn’t .

but as I said lots does change over the summer holidays . Take what he will offer to increase your hours .

Hi OP, please make contact with someone like Citizens Advice, https://www.turn2us.org.uk/ or similar who will be able to give you proper advice on what you can claim and support you in doing so (helping you fill in the forms, what to put where, what evidence you need etc). I'd hate for you to be turned down for something you're entitled to because you took bad advice from a stranger on mumsnet, as well meaning as they may be!

How is OP supposed to pay for this? UC will only pay for OFSTED registered childcare.

OP - I still don't understand where you wages have gone?

I realise you are in a terrible mess and overwhelmed right now, but you have to act, and act FAST.
If this situation is left to drag on, your mental health will get worse, the financial mess will get worse, and your employment prospects will get worse.

First - you are now single. Get your head around it. You live in the same house as your ex, but you are NOT "living together".
So no joint cooking. No joint laundry. A rota for cleaning like flatmates.

Phone the bank and get your name taken off the joint account. Single people don't have joint bank accounts. Any bills coming out of it will temporarily be his problem until finances are settled.
I assume your pay goes into your own current account? If not get this set up asap.

Second - you need proper expert advice about filling in the UC form, as a single person, with no joint finances or joint bank accounts.

Third, put in a claim for maintenance from him, on the grounds that currently you do 80/90% of all childcare, you have them every overnight, they live with you, not him, even though he is living in the same building at present. Again, get proper expert advice with the forms if needed.

Fourth, see a solicitor and get the ball rolling on divorce. I don't know if a solicitor will help with a maintenance claim, so maybe steps 3 and 4 go together.

Fifth, discuss with him whether he will be wanting 50/50 care of the children, in which case which 5 drop offs and 5 pick ups he wants to do every fortnight, and what are his plans for having them all day for 50% of all school holidays? If he can't do 50/50 because of his work, he will have to pay a higher amount of maintenance.

Sixth - discuss with him who will move out, or will you both move out and sell the house. This step doesn't come earlier in the list because you need the finances sorted first.

Finally, when the dust settles and you are each living in separate homes, you can make career plans.

The people at UC will be very helpful. You don’t get any contribution towards mortgage so at the moment this is irrelevant but you could get some towards rent. UC also pay up to 85% of childcare costs so so enquire about this.

In the meantime, he can’t expect you to suddenly turn your life around and get a well paid job after supporting his career for however long. Stop buying food if he won’t contribute. Don’t pay towards the mortgage. He’s always paid for it all so clearly he can without any issue. Keep the money you earn for solicitors. You will need it.

Apply for a 0% credit card just in case.

Are there any savings? They are shared assets so you should ask for 50% to be paid in to an account in your name.

Communicate only via email so that you have a paper trail of everything.

This has been so helpful - thank you!!!!