He just threatened to remove my credit card

[thirtyseven37]

We've only been separated two weeks and he's already threatened to remove my credit card. It's his account and I have a card. I use it to buy food shopping and stuff for the kids. We live together - he earns the money and I provide the childcare and housework. What can I do?

Just saw that you were on 42K three months ago. Can you not go back into that industry? Can you tell ex dh to pay for private nannies until you get to the top of the breakfast club list, after all they are his kids too!

That's unusual that you were full time/earning much more until three months ago. What changed then? Because it was sounding so intractable about no childcare and impossibility of increasing hours etc but this is more promising that you were very recently in a much stronger position. Have you moved somewhere? Can you go back? You don't have to reveal it if there's a reason not to, but it's more puzzling than the usual trapped by financial dependence on DH situation and sounds like there will be a way to balance responsibilities better than the he works/his money/woman is screwed scenario.

(And you're not screwed anyway, try not to worry. Women LTBs everyday on here with less money and earning power and it's absolutely doable and the best thing to do. I'm just saying your situation sounds more positive and there will be a way.)

This. All jobs are far more flexible now. Look at hiring a local student to do pick ups. Drop off are never the main issue for places. To suggest that you can't work because of kid drops off is most unlikely.

It goes on income don't panic

Yes I think the AET is £849 for a single person on UC

What about the children's father ?

Number one; there's their father
Number two; why can't you ask possible employers to work 10-6? That's what I do

He needs to step up with childcare.

With regards to the credit card, he needs to start organising the food shops and stuff for the kids.

If you still live together can you claim uc? That would be my worry.
Can you explain this all to him and say you need a set amount till you both come up with a long term plan . Otherwise you can't afford food and such .
Solicitor sounds like the best plan at first to get an idea of what you can do.

Maybe OP wouldn’t be divorcing if her ex was a reasonable person who could be asked to pull his weight.

OP is likely completely brain frozen with her current situation- pregnant then screwed style- and won’t think any more clearly for being told off.

OP, you will find a way through this. Take a breath, get advice. You’ll find a way.

He should be pulling his weight or paying for cover where he can’t. He should also be making some of these arrangements. Can you have a sensible conversation with him, or is he stuck in the punishing you stage?

@Starlight7080 you can still claim IC whilst living together

What's the plan for the kids going forward. If it's 50/50 then he actually has to sort it on his nights. If it's not 50/50 he has to pay for you to facilitate it.

If you have room for an au pair that would solve the missing hours and allow you to go back to full time.

Our childminder quit

So find another childminder

What happened in those 3 months? Who was taking the children to school before ?

The childminders by us are all full.

An au pair would be amazing. STBExh is in the spare room though.

Why does it have to be an official child minder? They are at school. Hire a student

The student thing always comes up all the time and I have never ever seen students advertise their services. Also they're not Ofsted registered so you can't claim UC back.

He should pay half for childcare. Stop doing his laundry and cooking.

You need to start the divorce moving, which starts with seeing a solicitor.

The first thing they will do is put finances in place for while the process is ongoing. Of course, your husband could not cooperate, but that will go in your favour in the settlement.

You then need to make a plan to re establish your earnings. Your husband can’t just opt out of childcare and deprive you of the means to make money. He will have to drop his hours or arrange childcare for half the time, especially if he is going for 50/50 after the divorce.

You need to attempt to separate yourself financially, physically and emotionally from your husband as soon as you can.

In June A level students will finish their studies get out adverts looking for one to drop off and collect your kids and babysit then until you get home. Students are always looking for jobs.

Do you have Neighbours local website? If so put out a request for help on there. If I saw someone wanting kids dropped off to school once a week until you can get the breakfast club I might offer.

You need to write down all the finances, the childcare costs are not yours alone, you need to do a csa check to see what he needs to pay towards kids.
Are you planning on staying living together? Could he move out and you could get au pair and go back to good job?
Keep calm though, this is a temporary situation and he needs to work through it with you. Maybe you agree to certain amount on credit card each month until childcare situation changes