My New Partner Ex Wife wants my salary taking into consideration for her spousal……

[Workhardmum]

Hi Everyone.
i moved in with my partner few years ago. He pays spousal and CMS. He lost his job and started his own business which then resulted in his earnings going from £100,000 to £36,000 a year. He therefore asked for his spousal to be reduced from £500 to £300. First judge said I would not be taken into consideration and to go away and make a deal. They have not made a deal as she thinks she is entitled to what she deserves. Yet his salary has changed significantly. Alongside that she now works every day. Claims universal credits. ESA. Does not put her true earnings through the book. Takes cash. Earns under £7100, so her benefits total £1700 per months! As a full time mum it does make my blood boil as now she wants my salary taking into consideration towards her spousal. They went court whereby a financial person in the court room (not judge this time) said my salary could be used as a house hold total to make a decision for her spousal. We are not married. It is his house and I pay half the bills and all the food as he is Una le to afford to do this. I also have my own daughter who I support my self and receive CMS for. I have lots of my own bills alongside what I contribute. I have to work full time myself to make ends meet and do not aim any benefits. I am not sure how it is right for my salary to be taken into consideration for someone else’s ex wife !!! She demanded on a previous court papers for my financial disclose and what my CMS. I declined. First judge said I would not be taken into consideration. 2nd person finance person who tries to mediate and solve said I would. Contraction what we are receiving. Please help.

If he wasn't living with you, would he have taken this risky decision to strike out on his own? Or would he have taken another job in the old sector paying roughly the same amount and enabling him to provide for his children as before?

I'm not saying it's your problem, but he's not striking me as dad of the year.

£300 is still too much IMO. £36k is around 1/3 of £100k, so new spousal should be 1/3 of £500. That's less than £200. Although I'd argue that on £36k he shouldn't be paying spousal support at all. That's not a high salary for a person to live on.

This probably doesn't help you but I'd honestly leave him if I was expected to fund his ex wife. That's just not something I could tolerate. She needs to go get a job like anyone else. Or live on benefits if that's applicable.

It's bad enough that he pays her spousal support at all anyway, because by definition that means he's putting less into the pot of your own relationship. On £100k though I'd consider it something that comes out of his personal spends budget, not the joint pot, and on that wage he can do it and have a nice life still, so it doesn't really affect you. On £36k it affects you though, he'll be not affording to go on holiday and things like that because he's given so much of his disposable income to her. That's why £300 a month is way too much, it potentially leaves him struggling to live an ordinary life and he's only going to be affording to live it because you'll be subsidising him. Which effectively means you're subsidising her, since that's where his money is going. And that's without your wages being taken into account for spousal support!

I didn’t even realize spousal support was a thing in the UK!

Yes, as PP suggests, if your income has enabled him to vastly cut his own income and deprive his DC of funds that they would have otherwise had, it does "feel" reasonable that it's included. What the legalities of that are, I've no idea.

Is this in the UK? If your partner only earns £36k he shouldn't be paying his ex spousal support. He should be paying whatever CMS says for any DC support. Your partner should be arguing he can't afford to pay anything, not arguing about £300 or your salary being taken into account. Refuse to disclose your salary. They can't make you. Only a judge could order you to, not just some medication person. If you are sure his ex is scamming from benefits report her to DWP. Your partner needs to go to mediation sessions continually arguing for no support for ex partner due to low earnings but agree to review if it significantly increases. He needs to go back to court. The judge has already stated your earnings will not be taken into account.

While I absolutely agree your salary should not be included, why the fuck has he left a £100k job? Would he have done that as a single bloke, I doubt it.

Thanks everyone. I did not me too that when I met my partner he had a good job but then got sepsis which results in a suspected heart attack hence him losing his job. Without me living with him he could of lost his house and eventually we want to go in together but I just need to get this sorted. He pays CMS and all extras needed I just don’t see why I should be taken into consideration for an ex wife who can clearly work and claims benefits ! Just frustrates me I have my own bills. This woman clears £35,000 tax free and I would like to disclose her to DWP but as it has been to court and he clearly mentioned this she would know it was me or him. It was a closed court room and to be honest they didn’t care less. Just basically said manage your finances better ! I did think it is only a judge who could request this. We got her bank statements prior to this and her level of spending is ludicrous. To ask for my money towards her spousal when I live to the penny and have loads of commitments and my own daughter I will fight it to the end. Just need it resolved prior for joining up !

From his ex’s point of view it potentially looks like he’s chosen combine finances with you in order to allow him not to pursue a similar payed job to the one that he lost, whilst still maintaining the same lifestyle. Therefore I can see why she would be arguing for spousal support to remain similar, or at least not drop as much as he is proposing.

From your point of view I think you’re potentially in a precarious position financially. It sounds like you’re paying more than half of the bills whilst he just pays the mortgage?? Sounds very convenient for him, you subsidise his daily living expenses, meaning that he is able to continue building his (house) asset, despite taking a massive pay cut. But I doubt you’d have any claim on this asset if you split up, despite indirectly contributing towards it.

OP if he has a variable spousal maintenance order it will never be resolved, because she could come back and do the same thing again in the future. Probably just after you marry. She's obviously a money grabber.

The only way it'll ever be truly sorted is with a clean break order. Preferably one stating zero spousal maintenance.

He also needs to cut back on purchasing "all the extras" for his DC. Their mum is going to have to start coughing up. He is no longer the gravy train for them all. He should pay CMS amount, beyond that he doesn't have to pay anything. So if he does, it should be after considering the impact on you, not just on himself/them.

You're already subsidising his life. Likely you're paying more in bills than you would in a smaller cheaper property, you'd only be buying food for yourself and DD not also for him (and his DC when they stay?) and although you'd have rent or mortgage, you'd also have the freedom of being a separate entity with zero risk of being embroiled in anything to do with his ex wife.

Before getting more involved I'd also consider whether he's shown signs of wanting a more solid relationship with you before he became unwell or whether there's the possibility he's mainly looking for a carer.

As you've seen, government agencies and other forms of officialdom are not linked up. The family court judge doesn't care about the ex wife benefits fraud. If indeed it is fraud. In some cases people can claim and work for a while, if they're transitioning back into work. If you want her investigated you'll need to report her to DWP. If she's doing nothing wrong then nothing will happen.

Move into seperate homes

He's got a life sized leech clung to him, and she's now trying to cling onto you as well.

In absolute honesty, this is always going to be an issue as long as he has the spousal support agreement in place.

Separate homes and separate finances are the only way.

Your income will have to be declared - at least what he knows about it anyway. The argument is that your income could subsidise more than half of your total household outgoings.

In reality if you refuse to disclose then the court is unlikely to do much (though if the court makes a third party order against you you must comply - you would have a chance to make representations against it). Normally if the court understands that he is not paying more than half the outgoings at your home then they won't be bothered to finding out any more than that.

This is the reason I did not date 'separated men' or those going through a divorce or have shoddy divorce orders. Just not worth the risk unless you don't have a good job yourself and/or properties. I had both!

Sorry if people missed this. The person who suggested it is a Finance Person who is a mediator. Having listened to DP and ex-wife's ping pong, he/she feels knowing Op's salary should have with mediation. You are right OP can choose what she chooses, but this is mediation and as the name goes 'it was ordered to happen for a reason'.

Best thing is for OP to move out or disclose. Can't see what can be gained by anything else. OP don't forget to mention your child and all your bills and debts too.

Is the spousal maintenance court mandated, put in place with a legal contract, or voluntary?

She's frauding the benefit system.. if she works more than 16 hours and earns more than £183 per week while claiming ESA. Also claiming both UC and ESA together has sanctions

Shop her to the authorities. Who cares if she knows it was you?

Lazy mare needs to get a job and stop leeching.

Report benefit fraud - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)
https://www.gov.uk/report-benefit-fraud
if you want to do that.

I’m with @VelvetDragonfly

”This probably doesn't help you but I'd honestly leave him if I was expected to fund his ex wife. That's just not something I could tolerate. She needs to go get a job like anyone else. Or live on benefits if that's applicable.”

£35k tax free is more than I get teaching. For not working that is a load of money! I am only guessing people that live off benefits will come unstuck once the children are out of school as they will lose child maintenance, child benefit & other payments.

I don't think you should be asked to declare your earnings. As you say you're working all week & probably bringing in less or similar amount.

On MN people make out that benefits are really low. But it's a bit grating to hear someone not working is getting more than me & I have to work hard for it.

Very confusing. He shouldn't be paying spousal support. Is that in addition to child support? Spend your money on a better family solicitor. I do think he should support his dc and not just the bare bloody minimum.

The mediator was unhelpful but cant force anything. Focus on what the judge said. As pp said, its the judge that matters. Refuse to disclose your income.

Also stop getting so wound up and bitter about the ex. You've already said you can't shop her to the DWP. It would sour relationship further and isn't helping the situation that she needs ££.

I think your DP and his ex could do to have a sensible convo about what living expenses are needed to support the dc and try and come to an understanding.

Having been in this position, you do not owe her a penny. Your assets and your income are yours. (Judge involved too)

they have tried for years. We worked out that he has given her £160,000 in team years at one point it was £2,000 a month and he was living on his mums floor. Then they agreed £1200. He got his own house (which I have moved into) I sold mine hence saying we may combine together l, and she just sees me as a lottery ticket. I actually don’t have that much! It is my own daughters inheritance and I feel I pay. She has asked for all my financial and I won’t agree. She earns more than me tax free with all the hand outs. They agreed on spousal specifically to get her back into work. She now works (under £7,100 as does not declare) and her bank statements showed the level of benefits she gets. This is someone who came back from Disneyland Florida last August spent Christmas at centre parks. All the things I can not afford to do. As it is just life ! But this woman has gone to court asking for her spousal to be changed from £500 to more saying times are hard and I now live there so my salary can be taken into consideration. Partner had sepsis then heart attack caused by it. Lost his job. Couldn’t get another in that sector after covid. Started his own business yet the after effect of sepsis is ongoing but she don’t care. Tells him to work more days more nights. Awful woman. I would love to shop her to DWP as the amount she is getting but I am worried it would come on us, and she would ask for more money and so on. Child support has always been overpaid and extras and al they spend 43% of the time here too. I just need to know where I stand before I commit mortgage wise. They do have a clean break. I checked the court papers. Just two different opinions given at court. Judge I would go by. But I do think this woman will be a lifetime leech. Once kids 18 and she loses everything what then ?! She kept house but has huge mortgage interest free. She will just keep coming in some angle.

That's unbelievable. I think unfortunately you need to be living separately until after his divorce/these matters are settled. He needs to stand on his own two feet financially. If he can't afford to do that he needs to live somewhere cheaper. And his ex wife needs to get the hell out of your (as in just your, not his) business.

And if she's getting more from DWP than she should be, then yes, shop her.