Changing to 50/50 contact post divorce agreement

[PilgorTheGoat]

This is a theoretical question at the moment.

My ex and I divorced 3 years ago. We agreed he would have the children every other weekend Friday 8pm - Monday 8am (I do after school Friday and before school Monday). I receive around £1200 pcm based on 3 nights per fortnight.

ExH is a very high earner. I am unemployed due to ongoing disability.

When we divorced all assets were split 50/50. I have bought a 3 bedroom house (I have 2 girls and a boy) with around 50% equity. I planned to downsize when the children were old enough to move out.

If my exH decided he wanted the children 50/50 then he would no longer pay maintenance but I would be absolutely screwed. Without the maintenance I would struggle to support the children for the time I have them, I could not (for example) run a 3 bedroom house full time.

Does anyone know if legally I’d have any claim for maintenance in this situation? I naively agreed the 50/50 asset split despite my poor health/ moving around the world for his job before divorce because I thought I would always have this maintenance to fall back on. He has now remarried and is having a new child and is murmuring about his new wife being able to take on some of the child care this enabling him to share custody 50/50.

Thanks.

@Sooooootired01 OP is disabled so unable to work.

@Tallula7 In that case she'll qualify for disability benefits.

I do qualify for disability benefits. I’m on PIP and the LCWRA element of universal credit. Neither of these make me a wealthy woman.

If I was by myself I could probably manage. I would downsize to a tiny flat and have the associated lower costs of living. This has always been my plan for when my children are grown.

My concern is that I need to run a 3 bedroom house whether my children are here or not in order to house them during their time with me. I need to run this 3 bedroom house in a specific area to be local enough to the children’s school and indeed their father for when he has contact.

He currently pays his £1.2k pcm and feeds them whilst at his house. I pay for everything else so all clubs, clothes, activities. I guess at least these costs should be halved but when we were together he never let me sign the children up for things like dance or swimming lessons so I don’t know if he will pay his share.

It seems the law is not on my side here though. I was naive agreeing to this set up on divorce. I think my biggest worry is that I won’t be able to afford to house the children when they are with me and as a result I would lose custody,

@PilgorTheGoat Thing is, nowadays fathers have equal rights to mothers. In fact, IME, courts are biased towards fathers. He can request 50/50 split and courts will agree unless there is a specific reason as to why this wouldn't be in best interests.
Did you get a settlement in court? If so, I hope they factored in the fact that you are unable to work?
I work but still can't afford to buy a property, hence why I'm still privately renting a decade on. It sucks.

I feel like you’re being quite deliberately unkind. You didn’t even read my first post before jumping in with wanting to know if I worked. I had already explained that.

I’m not sure why you being unable to buy a home has anything whatsoever to do with my circumstances.

I am upset because my ExH is getting his new wife to take care of my children (when I am at home wanting to see them myself and he is working out of the home) in order to stop paying any maintenance for them. I am upset because I agreed to our divorce settlement in the belief that this maintenance would continue to be paid until the children were grown up. I was naive but he was calculating.

Say no . Why would you want another woman looking after them . Unless he reduced working hours .
Can you make cuts or savings anywhere to cope with the loss of income? Do you have a mortgage to pay or own outright?

@PilgorTheGoat Not at all; I'm just trying to explain the reality of.the situation. He's their father so why would 50/50 be unfair?
I appreciate you are currently unable to work, so surely this was factored into your settlement? A very good friend of mine has a disability which means she can only work pt and as a result she was awarded Spousal Maintenance. Did you get this?

@Starlight7080 If father takes OP to court she simply just can't say no. It doesn't work like that. He has equal rights as a father as she does as a mother.

But she can put a case forward stating that he won't be looking after them . So it is not in best interest of the children . Added on the child with asd who will be better off with the same routine they have . And another child on the way which will take up his new partners time

@Starlight7080 They are unlikely to factor this in. My ex-husband has a much younger wife who doesn't work whilst he works pretty much 24/7. Ex may well argue that in fact that puts him in a "better" position for 50/50 as someone is at home whilst he is out earning.
These men soon learn how to play the system unfortunately.

Re 50/50, as a higher earner and you on beenfits, he would still need to pay something (alebit a reduced amount) via CMS. The advice on Mumsnet that 50/50 = no CMS, is not true. I am a high earner and looked into this when I divorced my exDW.

I suggest you speak to your divorce lawyer as (unless you have waived your rights as part of the financial consent order), you would be entitled to spousal maintence.

I pay both child & spousal maintance to the tune of over £3k per month, the CMS part being around £1200 per month for 43% of time (based on overnights) with the kids.

As part of the financial consent order, I stop the spousal maintence 15 years after the divorce (I think it's called a section bar, but I could be wrong), but it can be for life as you are unable to work (my exDW choses to do part time admin as she has no need earn more)

In your shoes, I'd get legal advice on the spousal maintence if you are worried about money.

@CoparentingDad In that case, why was it no maintenance due when it went 50/50 for me a decade ago? Ex earning well in excess of £100k, myself around £16k as was working pt as my youngest was 3.
Also, bear in mind in father reduces his hours to look after his kids 50/50 (fair enough) he will be earning less.

Op indicated she has a settlement signed off. If this is the case there is no recourse to spousal maintenance or an asset variation

if op dud in fact not get a sealed consent order they may be a small chance

@millymollymoomoo This is what I'm at a loss to understand. If OP is unable to work surely she'd have been granted SM?

@lovingmumsaremagnificent Very similar here.

@CoparentingDad seems like you got a raw deal having to fund your exes lifestyle choice to only work pt!!

You mention a Judge - they look at things differently to CMS and a court can be overuled by CMS 12 months after the judgement date.

Anyway, it can be compilicated and it's based on the actual arrangements,, I suggest anyone saying 50/50= zero CMS, check out this thread,

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/legal_matters/4704028-5050-shared-care

Moreover, as already stated, I think the best recourse for the OP is to review the financial consent order to see if a SM claim can be made.

@CoparentingDad I think I went through court about 8/9 times and was told if TRUE 50/50 then no maintenance due.
Why would you be having to work your arse off ft to pay maintenance only for your ex-wife to choose to work pt if you both share kids 50/50? That would make no sense?

Like I say, court and CMS have different rules / views and CMS trumps court after 12 months.

None of it makes sense to me, my exDW went from living with her Mum to being a millionaire and having over £3k a month paid to her because of 5 years of marriage.

All from assets I’d built up in the 18 years before I’d even met her that she had nothing to do with.

It is what it is, I rationalise it as I want my kids to have a decent life, but if you take a step back, it doesn’t make sense / seem balanced

@CoparentingDad CMS also said no to me. In fact, the fact that I was in a privately rented 3-bed whereas my ex-husband was in a 1 mil property plus swimming pool went in his favour! I work - incredibly hard - but my earnings will never match that of my ex.
Having said that, one of the reasons I left in the first place waw due to financial control so I don't really know why I was surprised.

Some of these comments sorry are not relevant or particularly sensitive as the Op has a disability and cannot work. Everyone’s circumstances are different at the end of the day.

And she can’t because of disability?

I highly doubt ex’s new wife would want to be looking after 3 DC as well as a new born virtually on her own, due to ex’s hours, I very much doubt I would want/be able to do school drop offs, pick ups, after school clubs, parties, socialising etc 50/50, unless DH reduces his working hours. Personally I would say no to 50/50 and say “let’s see how it goes once new wife has had baby and see how she feels then”. If he says no to this, then I would say we will have to go to Court, this will give you a bit more time.