Changing to 50/50 contact post divorce agreement

[PilgorTheGoat]

This is a theoretical question at the moment.

My ex and I divorced 3 years ago. We agreed he would have the children every other weekend Friday 8pm - Monday 8am (I do after school Friday and before school Monday). I receive around £1200 pcm based on 3 nights per fortnight.

ExH is a very high earner. I am unemployed due to ongoing disability.

When we divorced all assets were split 50/50. I have bought a 3 bedroom house (I have 2 girls and a boy) with around 50% equity. I planned to downsize when the children were old enough to move out.

If my exH decided he wanted the children 50/50 then he would no longer pay maintenance but I would be absolutely screwed. Without the maintenance I would struggle to support the children for the time I have them, I could not (for example) run a 3 bedroom house full time.

Does anyone know if legally I’d have any claim for maintenance in this situation? I naively agreed the 50/50 asset split despite my poor health/ moving around the world for his job before divorce because I thought I would always have this maintenance to fall back on. He has now remarried and is having a new child and is murmuring about his new wife being able to take on some of the child care this enabling him to share custody 50/50.

Thanks.

@Notamum12345577 Indeed, and she gets government help due to this which I'm sure is important.
But this shouldn't mean father should not have his children 50/50 if he is a good dad and that is what he would genuinely want? There is more to being a decent dad than just being a money pot.

Op, are you able to work in an any capacity? There are many wfh jobs now which can be done with simply a computer. We obvs don’t know what your disabilities are or in what way they limit you, but trying to get into work in so evasively if at all possible, would help reduce your reliance on ex for money so it’s worth exploring all options

Go on to the calculator, even with 50/50 due to him being a high earner he may still need to pay you something.

I doubt he’d get 50/50 tbh. Because that time isn’t going to be spent with you, it will be spent with his DP and the courts are not all to interested in that. Say no and let him take you to court if he wanted.

OP are you getting PIP and UC? Go on a benefits calculator and check you’re claiming all you’re entitled to.

An exact 50/50 split of childcare means no child maintenance. £120k is also not a super high earner. New child will reduce his CMS anyway.

In this scenario I'd try to work with him to find out what it is he really wants - is it really more time with the kids or is it to reduce the maintenance? It would be surprising if his new wife, about to have a baby, actually wants your kids around more when she'd have to look after them. So you might be able to negotiate a reduction in the maintenance without losing it entirely. Going to court would be very risky because if you lose, you could end up with an order to pay his legal costs.

You would possibly get maintenance, and you can make a case that your children need a certain lifestyle as that's what they are used to eg clubs etc. of course with 50/50 he should be funding 50% of clubs, clothes etc!

As you claim benefits, the children will be calculated into those sums, do you have mortgage?

Costs very rarely awarded in family court and OPs outlook doesn’t appear unreasonable so don’t think your comment re costs is relevant here https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/seeking-costs-in-court/

Why on earth was it split 50/50 if he’s a very high earner and you’re unemployed/ disabled?!

If it’s true 50/50 there is NO maintenance owed. This is fact and has been ruled many times in court.

The system is unfortunately unfair in regards to high earners / low earners if there is no spousal maintenance agreed. Speak to him though - he wouldn’t want you to move away would you?

It sounds to me like the new wife has decided that there is too much money going out the door in your direction. I don’t think your ex will be the one initiating this

what an awful awful thing to say. You have absolutely no insight into this - stop demonising women. He has a voice.

@Laughattheloons They don't factor in earnings. Courts ruled 50/50 shared care un my case; ex-husband earning way in excess of 100k, myself earning around 16k at the time. My.youngest was 3 so wasn't yet at school.
It's the reason a decade on we are still in privately rented while he has a property complete with pool worth around 1 million.
No maintenance payable. He receives CB for one son, despite having to pay it back, as he'd rather the government have it.
I am, however, very surprised that the OP wasn't awarded spousal maintenance if she os unable to work due to disability.

He wouldn't be doing 50/50...his wife with a newborn would be (and can't imagine she'd be thrilled). I would say you have a strong case for arguing you have been the primary care giver throughout the children's lives and that you need to keep that consistency, especially for the child with additional and for all of them as a new sibling comes along. The threads that argue that all parents should be 50/50 aren't relevant anyway here as it seems the children's dad will be spending very little extra time with him anyway.

@mewkins I was the primary carer as my ex was addicted to working. Still is. Made no odds regarding the 50/50.
Perhaps the man will be able to drop his hours if 50/50 shared care as he won't have to pay any maintenance? 😀

Hmm I bet he won't though. Especially if he still has to pay some maintenance (which some do even with 50/50).

I think you need to hang on and not allow any fast changes to current arrangements before ex's new wife has her baby (I am assuming she is will be a first time mum and has no clue how her life is about to change). If it is the case that new wife thinks she will be on maternity leave and can care for 3 step kids (one with ASD) and her newborn, while ex husband carries on working 60 plus hours a week out of house, they are deluded and she has been watching too many mumfluencer videos on TikTok (and ex husband will be looking for wife number three in another two/three years). This idea will die a quick death within two/three months of new baby's arrival. When reality smacks the new wife in the face.

@mewkins Nobody has to pay maintenance on true 50/50. Of course they can choose to, but it's not an obligation.

@Stillclueluess Perhaps he will reduce his working hours which tbf would be understandable from his pov. 50/50 so maintenance payable allowing him this option.

This has come up before and it's not exactly right. There are various references on family law firm pages eg www.ormansolicitors.com/child-support

Even in 50/50 cases child maintenance can be used to ensure roughly the same standard of living at both homes.

I think he should have them 50/50. But that doesn’t mean she should get a job (which you said she should) if she cannot because of disability. That shouldn’t have any bearing though on him having them 50/50

@mewkins I lived 50/50 for over a decade. No maintenance. How could they even determine who owes who if exact spilt?
When my sons are with my ex they have a wing to themselves in his mil pound property complete with pool. When with us they share our privately rented home (we can't afford to buy).

@Notamum12345577 If he gets exactly 50/50 he will be under no obligation to pay his ex maintenance. Which she has very clearly said she relies on.

@mewkins Yoy have quoted from an Australian site. The laws in England (where I live) are not not the same.
Once again...for cases of true 50/50 shared care (England) no maintenance is due by either party.
Of course one can opt to pay something should they wish, but it's not mandatory.

I'm not saying it is usual at all, just that it is not a definitive 'there is no maintenance to pay with 50/50 care'.

I only know one divirces couple who do total 50/50 care and I know that some maintenance is paid.

Apologies - this is a UK site (Hampshire).
watson-thomas.co.uk/help-and-advice/31-help-and-advice-children/182-child-maintenance-when-you-have-an-equal-share-in-parenting

@Tosca23 costs can be awarded in family court, particularly where one party's conduct (ie in pursuing a hopeless application) has been unreasonable. I've had costs awarded in my favour in the family court in exactly that scenario.