Changing to 50/50 contact post divorce agreement

[PilgorTheGoat]

This is a theoretical question at the moment.

My ex and I divorced 3 years ago. We agreed he would have the children every other weekend Friday 8pm - Monday 8am (I do after school Friday and before school Monday). I receive around £1200 pcm based on 3 nights per fortnight.

ExH is a very high earner. I am unemployed due to ongoing disability.

When we divorced all assets were split 50/50. I have bought a 3 bedroom house (I have 2 girls and a boy) with around 50% equity. I planned to downsize when the children were old enough to move out.

If my exH decided he wanted the children 50/50 then he would no longer pay maintenance but I would be absolutely screwed. Without the maintenance I would struggle to support the children for the time I have them, I could not (for example) run a 3 bedroom house full time.

Does anyone know if legally I’d have any claim for maintenance in this situation? I naively agreed the 50/50 asset split despite my poor health/ moving around the world for his job before divorce because I thought I would always have this maintenance to fall back on. He has now remarried and is having a new child and is murmuring about his new wife being able to take on some of the child care this enabling him to share custody 50/50.

Thanks.

If it’s genuinely shared care and 50:50 then I don’t believe cms due. You can check with cms and even if there is it wouldn’t be anywhere near what you get now. Arguably that would be correct as you’ve received your split of marital assets and he’d be paying his share of child related custs.

depending on the assets 50:50 may have been a fair outcome irrespective of your health ( sorry to hear of that)

is there any work you can do around your disability? Are you claiming all the benefits you are entitled to ?

Thats a tricky one, you can't really refuse 50/50 if it would work over getting cms. But how old are they now? What do they want? But i thought in some circumstancez if 50/50 you would get a bit? Or if he has a load of savings a variation too??

With your disability like PP said are you getting all the correct benefits? PiP, disability premium ect. The discounts on council tax, water ect some electricity firms do aswell. If you get your bills cut might be doable?

It sounds to me like the new wife has decided that there is too much money going out the door in your direction. I don’t think your ex will be the one initiating this.

Like others have said how old are the kids? I’d hazard a guess that the 50:50 care would involve the new wife looking after the kids more than your ex and the reasons may be financially motivated. Personally I wouldn’t roll over in this situation if your kids are young and if they are older I’d be asking for a good level of detail before discussing it with them. I’m not sure if your ex has a high powered job how he will find 50:50 doable. Would it be in your kids best interest if the new wife is looking after them purely because of money? Imo that might be a crap experience for them.

isn’t there something called spousal maintenance too for very high earners. If you don’t think any of this is in your children’s interests you could force the ex to take things to court for them to decide re contact arrangements possibly ? That is no quick process and your ex may give up.

Id base your decisions on what is best for your kids. But be aware if you don’t play ball your coparenting relationship may become increasingly strained. Your exs new marriage may not survive potentially if these money issues are rearing up so early. That is not your responsibility though.

You don't have to agree to 50/50 and in your position I wouldn't be.

Let him take you to court.

You should have gone for a higher split of assets in your divorce. My ex is trying to set this up and I'm having none of it!!

You can argue that you don’t want to change the status quo as that is what the children are used to, it’s a settled routine?
Do you have a financial consent order as part of your divorce? If your husband is a higher earner and you had more days with the children, why were the assets split 50/50? Was this court ordered or agreed between yourselves?
If there’s no financial consent order, maybe it’s time to revisit the original financial agreement, as a divorce doesn’t sever the financial ties, the consent order does.
If you can’t house yourself and the children without CMS, then you need to see a solicitor about the finances. In the meantime, look up everything you’d be entitled to benefits wise - you may find you can bridge the gap).

No cms for true 50/50. It was a financial nightmare for us.

There’s no point questioning a % split of assets. It’s meaningless. One person will say oh you should have got 70% another 50%. However, if there are ‘enough’ assets for a clean break then 50% usually awarded. Ie if 50% gives £2m settlement vs someone getting 70% of £100k. People need to look at the overall pot.

if there was a signed order op can’t go back now, nor could she try to claim spousal maintenance

we also don’t know the extent of durability and if op can work /return to some form of work to better her own income.

having to rely on ex is not great regardless- he could get ill /lose job/ etc which always makes relying on that ( to this extent) very risky

Main question is was there a signed consent order

Oh and op should consider genuinely if an increase in time with their dad is something they would benefit from or be happy with ( ie would children want it) rather than say no to simply keep the money

My children are 9, 5 and 5.

ExH works from around 8.30am to 8pm, occasionally much later. When we lived together he wouldn’t see the children from one weekend to another as he didn’t get up with them in the morning and they were asleep when he got in.

One DC is open to the idea of seeing dad more, the other two say no. They are still very little though. Eldest DC has ASD and struggles with the changing of homes, I don’t know if more time at days would make this easier or harder.

If he is a very high earner you can go to court and they may decide some CM is still due.

It depends if he’d be viewed as a very high earner by them lr not. 50/50 doesn’t always mean no CM

He makes around £120k a year so not a super high earner.

CMS calculator suggests around 50% of what I receive now even with a 50/50 split. This is obviously contradictory to common opinion though so I’m confused.

@ARichtGoodDram Ex-husband earned way in excess of £100k pa, I was on around £16k when I left. My youngest was only 3 at the time so increasing my hours was a challenge. Courts deemed that reasonable with 50/50 shared care and no maintenance due.
It's the reason I'm still in privately rented a decade on whilst he has a property worth £1 million complete with swimming pool.
No regrets though.
Money definitely doesn't buy happiness and I'm so much happier now I'm remarried to a decent man who respects me.

You're relying on maintenance instead of working or benefits? If maintenance stops you'll have to get a job, or if your disability means you're unable to work then you'd be able to claim universal credit. It won't be a lavish lifestyle, I speak from experience, but it's a safety net and you do get enough to live on if you're careful.

Which is why I said “may”. It’s not always the case and depends on if the court consider them a very high earner.

It isn’t uncommon though. When I worked for CMS we regularly got calls from men 1 year and 1 day after their court order was issued as they knew CMS would issue a £0 order and their exes would have to go back through court again to obtain anything.

Have you got a financial consent order?

I’d be asking if his working hours are going to alter if there’s a 50/50 split? Are the children going to see him any more than they do now? If not, then I’d say that you’re better off sticking with the status quo, especially if you have a child with ASD.

Key points are like others have said.

Did you get a financial order approved by the court? If not then any verbal agreements re finances are not binding and it's all up for negotiation. If signed and sealed bad luck on whatever you negotiated previously.

You don't have to agree re change in custody and maintenance. Let him take you to court and convince the judge that he wants to do 50:50 when he is working such long hours. His requests are not realistic and probably being driven by pressure from the new wife. Let a judge decide it, I doubt it will go in his favour.

If I were you I'd point out to him that he has no time to see the kids and spend quality time with them if he had them more hours, you don't believe its in the kids best interests (it doesn't sound like it is), you don't see why another woman should be looking after your kids when you do a perfectly good job and already have an agreement in place and aren't interested in renegotiating. Then the ball is in their court. Your ex probably has less power than you think. The change doesn't seem to be coming from a good place so I'd not agree personally and would stand your ground. If he keeps raising it say you are not willing to keep discussing it. His new wife will either have to suck it up, or take it to court.

I think you need to be realistic about your reliance on the maintenance he is paying. He is just a high earner and whilst he can afford to pay a lot his cost of living is about to go up. He is about to have another child. One way or another the child maintenance will be at risk and you are at risk of ending up in court over this. Either he will revert to a CMS calculation which could reduce the amount you receive or he will ask to have the children more.

I don’t endorse the advice that you should sit back and just tell him to take you to court. Because you are the one with everything to lose. Even if he just applies to pay CMS you will face a significant change in income. Unless you take him to court. Where you could lose.

My advice would be to open up dialogue about the situation. Maybe accepting that you have to give up something or compromise on something.

In answer to your question about the CMS, the calculator will throw out a figure even with 50:50. But that’s just a glitch. If he demonstrated he had them 50% of the time and he paid 50% of living costs it would be a null calculation. This may not have been the case if he was a very high earner.

I can't imagine the new wife wanting your kids there half the time when she has a newborn of her own, £1,200 pm going out or not.

I have a friend in a similar position who is going to court next week, I'm not sure if it is all getting decided then, but will update if it does get decided at that point. Similar situation, ex earns 80k plus, new woman on scene who he now lives with but no new baby, and suddenly he wants 50:50 custody even though he works all hours...all to avoid maintenance.

I would be happier if he had the children half the time and reduced his working hours for that week to accommodate this. I’m less keen on him getting his wife to do all the childcare. She’s a nice woman but my children will more than likely take a backseat to her own new born and I don’t see why they should be cared for by the step mother when their mother is willing and able. I don’t see that 50/50 is in their best interest when they won’t have 50% of that time with their dad.

I am too reliant on this maintenance money. I accept that. We did sign off all finances through court. We were still living together until we divorced as I had no income and he wouldn’t leave the family home. I was frightened of him/ intimidated by him and didn’t want to argue.

I think I will let him take me to court. If it goes wrong I won’t have lost any more than he wants me to agree to anyway.

Thank you everyone for your input.

@PilgorTheGoat I assume you're working?

No I am not. I mentioned this in my opening post.

Court likely to agree to 50/50 if he can get his employer to agree to flexitime, but probably not if he is expecting the kids step mum to do it.

You can get cms even if it is 50/50,I do but my exh earns a lot. Unfortunately because you haven't been paid any spousal maintenance you can't get that now. And you can't get court to look at bespoke cms amount as salary needs to be over £156k.

I'd be getting legal advice on how to bolster case against 50/50. Your child's ASD would be a factor here.

You'll have to work I'm afraid, OP. Which is more than fair enough, no? They are your children as much as they are his so you need to both provide financially for them.