@Imgoingoutforawhile
The 12 years are relevant as cohabitation prior to and running into marriage may be considered by the court, as can your children on your case.
There are three aspects to divorce - how you feel and are coping so do look after yourself, then there are the other 2 aspects - the divorce process and financial settlement process.
Financial settlement…
It’s a legal requirement to get full and frank disclosure of assets from both parties and to have documentary evidence about their worth.
To get full and frank disclosure,
exchange Form E.
Both parties fill one in separately, attach the required documents and then exchange them.
Don’t skip the step of full, frank and complete disclosure. - including all pensions, investments, stocks and shares, savings cash, etc.
Form E sets out everything each party needs to disclose by law.
Once all the assets are known and valued, negotiations can begin. Section 25 factors give the guidelines for asset sharing. Mediation may help to come to agreements.
First though, make sure you get all the financial information and documentary evidence showing the value of each and every asset.
If anyone tells you there’s no need to get full and frank disclosure and valuations, or that you can make decisions without these, they are not acting in your best interest.
If any part of disclosure is missing you can send the other party a letter of questionnaire, asking for it.
If still missing you can send a letter of deficiencies, asking for it.
If still missing a solicitor’s letter can be sent, and a court order for it can be applied for if still missing after that.
This is what a solicitor would do but litigants in person can do this themselves.
Get CETVs for all pensions - cash equivalent transfer values - (pension providers usually provide one per year, free).
Courts apply the law using evidence. If there’s no valuation there no evidence so that’s why it’s required and important to get full disclosure and documentary evidence.
Consider getting an actuary report on the capital and future income value of pensions. This can include what a 50/50 split or target income would be and can factor in different retirement ages for example. The court can then use the report to make sure these assets are shared out fairly and correctly between parties.
Once you have full and frank disclosure you are in a position to negotiate- and not until.
Look at Section 25 factors - the sharing out of marital assets is based on these and the court uses them to determine whether a settlement is fair/good or not.
If pension sharing is a possibility/ something either party needs, send a form P to each pension provider. It just puts them on notice that a pension sharing order may happen in the future. The court requires that form p is sent to providers before a pension sharing order can be made. It’s worth doing it early.
Best not to rush the financial settlement process, or rush into any decisions or agreements, before you have full and frank disclosure. You need to see with your own eyes what all the assets are, and what they are worth first.
The courts apply the law and as a married woman you are entitled to a share of the marital assets according to Section 25 factors.
At times these threads veer into subjective opinions and back and forth about what parties deserve rather than what they are entitled to under the law.
They are therefore irrelevant to your financial settlement case so don’t give those kinds of posts too much, if any, emotional energy. You already have more than enough on your plate!
In the financial settlement process get the disclosure, stick to the facts, rely on the evidence and apply the Section 25 factors.
It’s important to remember the courts work out what each party is entitled to under the law and that is the outcome you may work toward for yourself.
Take care of yourself and good luck.
BTW username noted, you may go out for a while but your children and all those that love you do need you to come back x