Children visiting grandparents abroad.

[Whsthappensnow]

I don't speak to my children's grandparents but I have agreed to let them visit this summer.

So ex mother in law is collecting them from the UK, flying them back to her house for 2 weeks then bringing them back.

Last time I filled out the correct paperwork but I wasn't entirely happy about the whole thing. For example I never actually saw confirmation of the flights home and they accused me of being tricky by asking for it. Bottom line. I don't trust them.

However I don't want to stop the DC having a relationship with them and in future years they may not want to go and I get a break so it needs to happen.

My question is this, last time I put the DC's names on some kind of register. It wasn't accusing anyone of anything it was just a place you can log details if you have any concerns. It gave me peace of mind. I can't remember what it's called, where I found it or if I completely made it up. Can anyone help?

Really, does this need to happen? You don’t trust them, surely you won’t be able to relax until they come back so it won’t be a break for you

Sorry, I know that’s not what you asked

@TeapotCollection Flights are already booked (although again they haven't sent me confirmation)

My DM is facilitating everything because she can't imagine her life without her grandchildren so thinks I should do the right thing and that nothing bad would happen and I should trust that we have decent legal professionals on hand if we need them.

Last time it was this register that helped but I can't remember where I found it.

Watching with interest

Do not consent to anything until you see full flight booking details for return flight. Do the children actually want to go? Follow your gut instinct - if you don’t trust them then maybe they should have contact with your children closer to your home? Rather than in another country? I wouldn’t be keen on this set of circumstances in your shoes.

The fact they are calling you tricky is a red flag for me that they are actually tricky. Sorry!

I don't know about the register but I don't think it is even remotely unreasonable to ask for confirmation of the return flight.

I presume that the country in question is a signatory of the Hague convention?

The thing is they are already implying I'm being difficult because they wanted them for the entire 6 week holiday and I said no and so they think they're doing me a massive favour by compromising with a 2 week visit.

I'm a people pleaser and I really don't want to be seen as difficult. They did visit the kids here last year but it was a flying visit entirely on thier terms.

They have history of lying to me. I want to be reasonable but I also want to have a plan of what to do if it all goes pear shaped.

So, part of the country is a signatory of the Hague convention. The bit they are visiting certainly is although in-laws do live by the border.

Just say no
they can come here and visit but you’re not letting the kids go
simpleignire when they conplain. It’s on your terms

what country are they in ?

@millymollymoomoo Hard to go back on it when I already agreed.

They're in Cyprus by the way so not necessarily a cheap flight and for reasons I won't go into no I won't be going its too traumatic for me.

where is the father? can't you go with them but stay nearby in a hotel? i wouldn't let my kids go to a different country without me and I live abroad.

You have very little recourse once they are gone, especially if they cross into Turkish region.

I'm sorry but it would be a no from me, if they want a relationship with them they can come and stay in UK for 2 weeks.

Just ask them to send the flight confirmation details so you can get their travel insurance - perfectly legitimate reason to need exact dates. If she refuses, time to rethink

He's local to me. We're not on good terms. They've told my mum They've disowned him.

I'm too traumatised by what they all did to me to go back there.

And there's a dodgy lawyer who still thinks I owe him money.

I do trust them not to cross the border. They refused to on principle the entire time we lived there.

You are planning to send your children abroad, for two whole weeks to people you don’t speak to and don’t trust?!!!!! WHY?
I presume you are implying a concern that they may kidnap them?
I can’t really understand why you’d do this? Where is their father?

@mobogogi That is a really good shout!

I wouldn't be happy with this at all. It sounds like you barely know them, why would you let your precious kids go away four hours flight away on their own? So many alarm bells from the details you've given

@Smartiepants79 Because I would struggle to provide proof of anything and don't want to be accused of stopping my children having a relationship with thier grandparents.

I would tell them they are more than welcome to come here and see them for a holiday. That is reasonable and not creating any barriers at all. Why do they need to take them back to Cyprus? I feel like you're too worried about the wrong thing here!

You’re not stopping them
having a rehationship
they’re are welcome to visit here for a mo th
sorted

You obviously have a very strained relationship but that isn't in itself to refuse your kids the opportunity to spend 2 weeks at their grandparents, assuming they are Cypriot, there's no reason to suggest they won't return them, they did before, and Cyprus (Greek) is signed up to The Hague convention.

It's hard for adults to trust people when relationships are so strained, I get that. How old are the children?

Remember they want to show them their culture, assuming they are Greek Cypriot - if they are ex pats obviously thus doesn't apply

This is bananas OP. There is no way I would send DC abroad to people who I do not trust. Red flag territory here. Do not send them. It is OK to change your mind. They can visit you in your home country and see the DC without your DC having to go abroad. Do not send them.

Accused by who?? What difference does it make. They have NO legal rights to see them at all. They can moan all they want but they can DO nothing. Even more so that they don’t even live in the country. They have no contact with you EX, the children’s father? Do you? Do they see their dad? You do not have to send them. No one will make you.

@Zephyry I was married to thier son for 13 years. I never trusted them.

We moved abroad to be close to them. We sold a house in negative equity to move. I gave up my career.

They bought a house for us to live in. They told DH they'd sign it over but never did. The plan was we were supposed to pay rent to fund thier pension.

We borrowed the money for the shortfall on our mortgage from them. I paid them back with an inheritance. Ex said they probably won't accept it but they did.

They convinced Ex to serve divorce papers on me and evicted me from the house.

They're blaming my ex for all of it saying they misunderstood him. And they've told my DM that they regret what's happened and how I was treated.

They evicted you from the house and you're still willing to send your children there, unaccompanied? And they blamed your ex?

There's no way that I'd be sending my kids over there. How old are your children? Are they boys or girls?

What would happen if they refuse to bring the kids back to the UK? Would you have enough money to go through lawyers to try and get them back?

All of this and you’re still sending your precious children to them? Come on this is ridiculous. People pleaser or not you need to tell them no

Don’t think you can’t do this, you’re stronger than you think 💪