50/50 childcare - Moving

[Nimbus1999]

Hi, I’m weighing up moving to a new area which would be 20 mins / 12 miles away from where my ex lives. We have 50/50 custody on a 5522 basis. One DC wouldn’t have to change schools (already travels to the area) but the other DC would have to change (new school is outstanding).

Does anyone do this? Does it work? Is 20 mins too far? Would it be totally unreasonable to uproot everyone to move 12 miles? My DC is due to start secondary school next year so I would try to do it before the start of the school year.

Sorry, what is 5522?

I’d say, while not ideal, 12 miles is do able

12 miles is doable, but does the school even have a space?

Depends on where the 12 miles are. If this London then it is v disruptive. If it is rural Scotland then no.

I would be discussing this with the other parent. Who needs to approve the school change.

Is it for the school you want to move? If so, I would think yanbu.

If it’s to move in with a partner, yabu.

So you are wanting you Ex to drive child 12 miles to school 5 days out of 14? Can you not wait until they join older child at high school then they can travel together / alone?

Changing schools is very disruptive if it means a new area and different pupils. Would your dc have any friends at the school?

Why would they have to move schools?

Also I’m taking it that you have actually done the journey and timed it as 12 miles across my city is a lot longer than 20 minutes.

This is a good point, why can’t you just do the 12 mile drive?

It’s a much better school in the other area, our local one is needing improvement. I thought best to change school as then their centre of gravity with their (hopefully new) friends would be in the new area (although would obviously travel back to see old friends too). It’s a lovely area and really good for families with open green spaces, cycle paths etc (new development) so I think we’d all have a better quality of life.

They wouldn’t have friends in the new school but as starting secondary and probably a lot of children in a similar position, hopefully easy enough to make friends. I’d have to put name on a waiting list until a space comes up so would just stay at old school until then. I know it’s an upheaval but thinking as leaving primary / starting secondary anyway, perhaps a good time to do it. My eldest goes to an all boys school so it wouldn’t be the same school.

Would the kids actually have a better quality of life though, or just a more disrupted one? As they’re at their dads half the time anyway and would have to make all new friends.

But surely this isn't just your decision. Their father, who has 50 % care has an equal say in their schooling

For a few years we were 45 mins apart. Ex did zero of the travel.. Not a mile...

I have 5522 and ex moved 12 miles away which is generally about 20 mins drive but more in rush hour or if there are roadworks, accident etc. The kids stayed at school in my town though and although my ex tried to move eldest to his town for secondary school, court refused the application as they thought it best for both kids to be at school in original town.
I would say it's hard for kids having 50/50 lives in 2 different towns, particularly as they move into teen years and don't have the same opportunities as their friends to walk home from school or visit friends at weekend without being driven back to the town where they are at school.

If child is going up to secondary school in September then I wouldn't change schools at this point unless its completely impossible to do school run. Realistically moving may take until July anyway.
Are they likely to go to the same secondary as sibling thats already near the proposed new location ?
If so the only issue is if DC currently have friends within walking distance of current home that they go and see independently.
Also look at transport links at new location to enable teens to get about independently.

Yes obviously I would discuss with him. I’d like to hope he would see the benefits of going to a better school in a nice area.

I wasn’t planning on changing schools until Sep 2024 if possible, not before.

This is why I thought better to move school - as then their friends and school would all be in the same area and all within walking distance. There is a bus that goes from new area to old area also. My eldest already goes to school in new area (but not the same school) so he currently has to travel in by bus.

I've made this work for the past 6 years

If you leave home before the main rush and drop them off early-ish at school it's fine
Obviously in poor weather leave earlier etc

Kids will make things work catch lifts/bus/train

Thanks for this - if you could go back and change things, would you still do it? Do the kids complain about things or just get on with it? Do they find it hard having friends in 2 places?

I wouldn't move a happy child away from their friends, and environment unless I had absolutely no choice.

Better on paper doesn't mean anything for individual children. My children's friendships are what make them happy to go to school every day.

This year would be perfect, year 11s need to make new friendships,some from outside their home area. It's just part of secondary school changes.

Why are you wanting to do this?

Their friends are at their current school so your logic seems a little off.