Likelihood of 50/50 for 3 year old?

[Hopelessnessness]

Dad wants 50-50 to start now, basically 5 days at a time with each parent.
Son has lived almost entirely with me for over a year due to dad being in unsuitable temporary accommodation until now (though son is already every other weekend and half holidays with dad, often with his parents).
I think we should progress towards 50/50 once son starts reception, but do 60/40 til then (every other weekend, midweek overnight, Hal;f holidays) to give son time to adjust to new arrangements. If it had to be 50/50, I’d prefer more frequent changeover due to son’s age.
Terrible communication between us at present - I keep holding out an olive branch but he refuses to engage.
Think we’re likely to go all the way to final hearing in London courts. Anyone have recent experience of what a likely outcome would be?

@Familylawso1icitor do you mind if I ask, what is your experience of people going the LiP route? Do they end up hindering their own case? That’s my fear

In writing?

This is important to document because if he isnt priority now it doesn't bode well for later

Surely 50 /50 is best for the child

Ultimately be prepared for 50/50

You could go into court with zero objections to 50/50 however you would like this to be built up in stages so there isn't too much change in the child's life it doesn't put him in a good light the fact that he is ditching midweek meals for "more important" things

If you get a bad judge just sit back document everytime he ding dong ditches the child wait for it to be a pattern of behaviour then return to court asking for an amendment to the order usually they give it

Stability safety and security is best for the child ditching a midweek meal with your child because you have better things to do is none of those things

50/50 can work with parents who live their children more than they hate each other

@Theunamedcat yup he just says “I’m not coming at that time”. Basically 1 in 4 of his midweeks.

He definitely hates me the most. But does that matter in court?

Living away from their primary attachment figure for 5 days at a time age 3? Perhaps there is a child psychologist in the house who could offer a view?

I think there’s quite a bit of research that shows 50/50 isn’t actually best for the child but simply easy to justify and seems ‘fair’ in a court scenario.

I wonder if his motivations are to cease paying child maintenance but then palm your child off on you anyway for the majority of the time?

I don't know about research, but this was certainly my experience.

My kids tell me they felt permanently "busy " with the constant moving between houses every few days. I think we pretend its best for the kids but often it's to benefit one or both parents.

You have no idea why he hates you? One clue ,trying to fight equal right/access to his child could be one .

I get it it's all about the child and what you think works for him but that's unfortunately something you only have 50% Say in, is he can no legal issues/previous parenting issues etc ,save yourself time and money and just allow it and hoping he will give up sooner or letter and beg to reduce time

Either way, how he spends the time with the child is a concern that shouldn't be of the OP. Motive or not, it's his 50%

Lack of communication between parents is a serious concern to raise at this age. It's potentially a barrier to 50/50 being in his best interests until dad is able to communicate adequately. You can't parent a child properly if 50% of the time you don't even know what's going on.

Also not turning up for 25% of his contact time is another huge barrier to 50/50.
If he can't even parent every other weekend then 15 days a month isn't going to happen, and that leaves your son with even more frequent disruption, ex having control over disrupting your life with last minute cancellations etc.

Get a lawyer and make sure they fully portray his motivations and lack of interest.

Alternatively if you can afford it then offer to keep contact the same and him not pay maintenance. Likely he'll no longer want 50/50.
And if that's not possible then remind him that maintenance will be paid on the basis of how many nights he actually turns up to have him, not how many the court order says he should have.

What? You think parenting purview is contained within hours of contact?

My child (4) was used to me as primary carer until the separation, when STBX suddenly became wonder parent who was suddenly willing to do all the things that were "not possible" before. Pick-ups, sick days, etc. We ended up with 50/50.

Whether or not 50:50 is right here in this case I’m not going to give a judgement however it’s annoying when people use the I’ve been the primary carer thus far argument

people can be primary carers generally facilitated by one party working and picking up bills to allow that. People have roles within a family unit. Those roles change when family breaks down.

typically one party needs to do more child care vs previous
one party needs to do more work /more £

both roles should change so the argument that one party didn’t do drop offs or whatever before is not a reason why they shouldn’t going forward

All fine except where you've BOTH worked, one of you has ended up with career compromise due to doing all the childcare, the other one has earned more and been able to progress their career far more, and then they turn around and say the finances as well as the childcare can now be 50/50.

I think if there are no issues regarding domestic abuse or risk, then 50.50 would most likely be the starting point! poor communication between parents can be aided by things such as a communication book or parenting app. These things are only really useful if there hasn't been abuse and there is a willingness to engage on an acceptable minimal level.

@millymollymoomoo some real assumptions here. What if I was main earner, maintained my career AND was primary carer? Which is actually the case…

@FPCculture I don’t think you understand the law. Parents don’t have any ‘rights’ to their children, they have responsibilities. It’s children who have thew rights.

And @Elektra1, thank you for sharing your experience and your thoughts. In our case, there are arguments I will make (probably myself, as I’m running out of money for lawyers) about how our son is coping, and the advantage of continuing his existing childcare. But I’m guessing you also had good arguments on your side…did you go all the way to a FH, and did you feel that what you said mattered to the judge and the outcome?

I was wondering if you could get a prohibitive steps order preventing him changing the childcare provider.

I think this proposal of changing childcare at the same time as a huge shift in his daily life is not the best for your DC.

@RandomMess I thnk he’s going to make it a specific issue question, so will be decided by the court. But that’s my point exactly - at a time when he’s having to adapt to changes in his life, why add to it when we don’t have to?!

50/50 is nuts for young kids. Barmy. I would fight it.