Need help with council housing

[Haley86]

for background see my other posts. After one year I am still forced to shared a privately rented flat with my abusive ex who uses it to control and abuse me even more.

I am being drained of funds by the court process and lost my job. I am on UC but live in Kensington which is obviously expensive.
I have lived here for years.

He also ruined my credit score by taking debt on my name. Even if I get a high paying job I can’t have a deposit or rating good enough so I am trapped.

My kids already had to move schools. One is SEN. I suffer from depression and anxiety and between all of that can not possibly handle moving somewhere far away.

RBKC council have been most unhelpful. They say I am not eligible to be on council housing list because we rent a two bed flat and are not overcrowded. they only suggest somewhere 2 hours away as an option…It’s just not something I or my kids can handle emotionally…I have been suicidal in the past and going through DV, am I wrong to think there’s some duty of care within the area I’ve lived in for years, where my kids go to school?

I’ve chased and chased them.
I did not even get a written response as they promised. I can be dead from domestic abuse or the consequences of it tomorrow and no one cares.

I am utterly desperate and don’t see a way out…Shelter are impossible to reach btw over months of calling/chat .
An advocate who knows the rules and can help on my behalf is what I need but I can’t get one 😔 I never thought I would be in this place, and never believed there is no help.

If you're being abused you need to call the police.

This is an awful situation for you, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.

But it's extremely, vanishingly unlikely that you'll be housed in the area you currently live.

I think you need to accept that you'll need to move to a much cheaper area. Waiting lists even in less desirable parts of London are 10+ years long.

The abuse is mostly financial and mental, as well as control through childcare.
Police is irrelevant unfortunately, and it won’t make my situation better.

to be somewhere I could afford will be impossible with my credit score and also just mentally impossible. I can’t do this to my kids and my own mental health could not take it. I am here alone no family my few friends and my familiar environment are all I have really…As well as work which if I do get is all in London.

But even if that’s the result, I feel like I’m not being taken seriously. I get no official answers or real options.
no one bothers to follow up, I’m the one chasing them for almost a year now…how can this be ok?

The violence I suffer isn’t physical (which I almost regret, I wish it was visible!) but someone could be a victim for so long and no one cares enough to even check they are alive?

Shelter say they have advocates but I can’t get one. If anyone knows of a charity that can assist please let me know.
I have had the general advice from women’s aid, refuge etc I need someone to specifically help me with the issue and the council.

I would accept a move away from Kensington to get out of an abusive home situation. The further the better if your husband stays put.

Your children will adapt and be better off away from the hostility.

If he took out credit in your name. You report him to the police for fraud. Then take the crime reference number to a debt charity or CAB. They can then liaise with the creditors and with the crime reference number as evidence of financial abuse they may be able to get the debt written off.
Next you need to get help from Women's Aid to escape.

It’s just not an option. We would still share care, so would I be spending hours every time we swap on top of commuting to work in London?

Its not the answer and it’s not like it’s feasible either. I don’t have a deposit, an income or the credit rating.
I can’t move hours away. Moving slightly away won’t solve it, I have looked. To be somewhere where it’s half the rent is just NOT possible. It’s replacing one set of problem with another set.

I need help which is appropriate to my situation or I need a letter saying why not but I’m getting nothing and nowhere…

I need help in getting an official response from the council. Even if it’s a no, I am entitled to a letter explaining why. Challenging or accepting it aside.

He coerced me into taking it despite my objections, promised to cover it…and that was 5 years ago.
The police won’t make my situation better, it will just escalate things further if at all because I did authorise it under his pressure. It’s not forgery, it’s coercion.

I feel like I’m stuck in a twilight zone of abuse and unlike a black eye this is just not as obvious…

If you use facebook have a look at the Tenancy Matters UK group. They have admins who work in the sector, or as advocates in allied areas. You can post anon too if you need to. They are very professional and knowledgeable so hopefully they will be able to help.

You can go to the police about financial abuse and coercive control. Have you tried to contact women’s aid?

I can see why you’re focussing on a council house but it’s not the answer to everything, you need another plan if it’s definitely not possible, so it sounds like you need to spread your net wider to access support to get yourself and your children out of this.

You say no one’s checked if you’re okay, who have you told what’s going on who you think could do that? What’s going on with your children? Could you speak to their school and ask for help?

You need to go to the police if you're being abused, they and women's aid can help but you need to accept this is likely to mean moving away, shared care may not be awarded. You need to listen to people here, there are not houses sitting waiting whatever your circumstances and without proven abuse you will not be a priority. It's not that we aren't sympathetic but there's no magic wand.

I'm a housing solicitor. You need to get some legal advice. If you are on UC you should be eligible.

To find a solicitor I would suggest searching here; find-legal-advice.justice.gov.uk
It will help you find someone with a legal aid contract.

My initial thought would be to apply as homeless but as people say they may place you out of borough, although with a child with special needs this is a bit less likely. I'm also not sure if that's been done already from your post.

I would also add that you may need family advice as an occupation order excluding your ex-partner may be an option.

Good luck.

As pp go to the police. If your dc are at a specialist school will they not get transport funded?
Why do you need to stay in Kensington if you have no ties or other support?

I’ve contacted refuge and women aid who said it is abuse. I have also spoken to social services who asked if the kids feel threatened etc which they don’t. There’s no physical harm done to them, just emotional (my 4 year old has starts pulling out his hair from stress he can’t even verbalise, but daddy is fun in his eyes) and it wasn’t something they would do anything with.
I have spoken to the housing and homelessness team which said I am at risk of homelessness but the point is I get nothing in writing, no explanations and therefore nothing I can then challenge if I wanted to or asses with a professional such as an advocate whether it’s actually correct and reasonable.

police will make matters worse, things are already terrible as we share the flat and going through the financial order process in court. He is the one currently paying for the rent as I pay everything else.
I am already struggling both financially and with mental capacity while having to do court related stuff, take care of kids, look for a job.

when I look at the councils rules, I see a lot about DV commitments to which I don’t think is happening but I just don’t have the tools or ability right now to fight this. If there’s someone in an organisation that specialises in this as I would imagine there would be, I would really like to hear what they have to say.

OP you don't need anything in writing to get legal advice. The fact they're not giving you decisions in writing is potentially unlawful. Please take my advice and find a legal aid solicitor following that link.

Sadly I don't think you've any chance of getting council housing in that borough. Certainly not in the short to medium term. Which leaves you with two choices. You stay where you are or you move away from the area. Neither option is palatable to you but that's the stark reality.

In the nicest possibly way:

Please move out of the shared home.
you can't substain this level of stress, you are literally a rabbit caught in the headlights.
So if you are offered something 100's of miles away, please take it. You and your DC's health & safety have to be priority.

Once you are safe and able to think straight, you can sort out your debt, corts and contact for the DC.

You need to get a housing solicitor/ independent advice. You could try Mary Ward Legal Centre for housing advocacy or https://www.ncdv.org.uk/non-molestation-order/ to get free legal help with a non-mol order or occupation order

To be honest you actually need to BE homeless rather than AT RISK of being homeless to be in with a chance of being rehoused in most uk cities.

Leave- escape with nothind- and present yourself at the housing office. All the other details can be worked out later.

Yes, please put yourself and your children first

It’s just not an option. We would still share care, so would I be spending hours every time we swap on top of commuting to work in London?
Sadly it is THE option that the Council can offer. This is probably why they are not discussing things further with you. They just can't offer what you want.

Being away doesn't have to be permanent. How old are your children? One could maybe stay with your ex until you can find a job again and rent locally. Changing schools depending on age, even if only temporary is not the end of the world. I did it a number of times through my education and I was ok, I grew more resilient which helped me a lot later in life.

Your mental health will be best helped by retaking control of it. You can do it. Believe in yourself, trust that you and your kids are more resilient than you think. Your confidence has been shattered and the first step to regain it is to take control.

Honestly op. In the nicest possible way what's emotionally possible for you won't matter in the slightest ro the council.
You need to accept what they offer you and make a fresh start

What job do you do that can only be done in London?
If you have no family or friends locally would a move not be better?

The truth is, when someone has the possibility of being housed in Kensington, they should normally dig their claws in and insist they can't possibly leave. Living there is valuable, and lots of people will find lots of compelling reasons why they can't move, and normally I would say good luck.

But it takes years and you have to be very dogged, and in this case living with her ex in a hostile miserable deadlock just isn't healthy. I'm not saying anywhere would be better, but there are lots of places that would be.

If these are the facts they arnt going to lead to a social housing tenancy in Kensington as they are.

You will not get homelessness support because you are not 'unintentionally homeless' which is the criteria for social housing band b (might be called slightly different things in various local authorities but you get the idea. Any banding awarded below b is years of waiting.

As you have accommodation you are not unintentionally homeless.

You need to get legal advice about an occupation order. If you could get one then you could stay in your home until I assume it becomes financially unsustainable and they you get evicted and then you would be unintentionally homeless. This also sounds very lengthy and stressful and may not work.

Your other option is a private let as there will be deposit schemes around. I assume this will also make renting in your borough impossible.

If it was me I would leave the area and let the father take me to court over access anyway.

There isn't an advocate who can help you access social housing when you arnt homeless. It's really shit but you need to know the facts x

He stopped paying a credit card he forced me to take and is under my name, which he used for his business. I never used it.

I went to the police, since I was pressured into opening the credit card he ran but did sign it and it was 5 years ago and the pressure wasn’t physical or outright threats they say it’s likely that have nothing to do.

I need to fight this as this can’t be right, he did take it and use it himself and I did not agree to the amount he racked up or to him increasing the credit limit. He was exerting such pressure (I have lost most evidence from my previous phone but have one email saying “I reluctantly agreed”) it was impossible to resist without breaking my family.

I was hoping it will be an extreme but helpful move only for it to do nothing at all. I can’t sleep I am so stressed.

If you've no family or support in the area why stay?! I mean this in the nicest possible way but your current situation isn't tenable for your stress levels or mental health either is it.

I had to up sticks once upon a time with a child with additional needs, he was fine because I was fine. We needed to move and when we did it was like a weight was lifted for both of us, and it was a fresh start.

Do you claim DLA for your child with sen? If you couldn't work for a while after moving you'd have UC, DLA, carers allowance, child benefit, etc. Child maintenance if their dad is in employment possibly? I'd imagine that income wouldn't even cover rent in Kensington but it will in other areas. I'd look at moving far far away from your ex to a town with cheap housing, and go from there.

Child contact - let him do the running. Let him arrange mediation, then court if needed. If you have his abuse on record then you'd be entitled to legal aid. You'd have been forced to move after leaving an abusive relationship. 🤷 You're penniless and can't travel to him etc. If he's actually wanting to see them HE can make it happen.

Have you reported his abuse to the police, school, social services, etc?