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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Housing after divorce

70 replies

LDA123 · 31/08/2023 06:13

I potentially have the following options available to me following divorce. 2 boys 13 & 9 and 2 girls 6&11. All similar distance from schools:

(1) Use equity to pay private rent on a suitable property. Based on current earnings / rental prices, equity last about 10 years before running out.

(2) Buy a 2 bedroom place in a nice area with kids sharing and me on sofa bed in lounge.

(3) Buy a very small 3 bedroom place in a worse area.

Kids would be with me 50/50 (new arrangement).

WWYD?

OP posts:
Happierwithouthim · 31/08/2023 06:16

2 - why are you on sofa bed if the dc share

millymollymoomoo · 31/08/2023 06:25

I’d rent for a while
let things settle
watxh the housing market
see if 50:50 remains

Then look to decide in a year or two for something more permanent

are you working full time?

RandomMess · 31/08/2023 06:28

Look into shared ownership.

EveSix · 31/08/2023 06:29

Happier, with 4 children in a 2 bed house, I imagine the two DSs would share one room and the two DDs would share one room, leaving LDA to sleep in the livingroom?

lljkk · 31/08/2023 06:33

sofa bed in lounge for me.

CrapBucket · 31/08/2023 06:34

Are you splitting the equity 50 50 on the basis that the kids will be 50 50?

I ask because I made that mistake and the kids in reality go to their dads about one night a month…

Wolfpa · 31/08/2023 06:41

What is your definition of worse area? I live in a fairly affluent place and our worst area is still much better than many places good areas yet still has a reputation for people not wanting to live there.

i would be tempted to do some more research on the area and go for the bigger house as long as it is safe

GrumpyPanda · 31/08/2023 06:51

Talk to a financial adviser before making any decisions. I'm assuming you work, and that both options b and x would involve getting a mortgage rather than buying outright? If so, you shouldn't just compare the height of mortgage payments to rent but to rent offset by alternative investment income provided you don't just put your share of equity into low-interest bonds. If you'd be buying outright because you wouldn't qualify for a mortgage it's still a similar calculation: can you generate enough investment income off your share of equity to cover a good chunk of rent?

It all depends on the price ratio of renting vs buying in your area. I'm in continental Europe and generally the advice is that if you'd be paying more than 20 annual rents to buy a comparable house you're probably better off staying in rented and investing in an alternative asset class instead. All the more so if you'd be buying in potentially a declining market.

https://www.investopedia.com/terms/p/price-to-rent-ratio.asp

Price-to-Rent Ratio: Determining if It's Better To Buy or Rent

The price-to-rent ratio is the ratio of home prices to annualized rent in a given location and is used as a benchmark for estimating whether it is cheaper to rent or own property.

https://www.investopedia.com/terms/p/price-to-rent-ratio.asp

Happierwithouthim · 31/08/2023 06:54

EveSix · 31/08/2023 06:29

Happier, with 4 children in a 2 bed house, I imagine the two DSs would share one room and the two DDs would share one room, leaving LDA to sleep in the livingroom?

Apologies I skim read the post & didn't realise there were 4 dc!

Wait a while & then buy.

loislovesstewie · 31/08/2023 06:59

I'd buy the 3 bed, working on the theory that areas can become more popular and bigger houses always sell. A 2 bed would be very cramped, where would your clothes go for example? I definitely would not rent unless there was really no choice.The money,once gone, is really wasted money, 10 years is nearly half way through a mortgage.

Original poster
LDA123 · 31/08/2023 07:46

millymollymoomoo · 31/08/2023 06:25

I’d rent for a while
let things settle
watxh the housing market
see if 50:50 remains

Then look to decide in a year or two for something more permanent

are you working full time?

I work full time yes. Problem is, if I rent for a year or two, the I would have depleted my savings and I can’t afford to save month on month so will be in a worse position to buy.

OP posts:
Original poster
LDA123 · 31/08/2023 07:48

CrapBucket · 31/08/2023 06:34

Are you splitting the equity 50 50 on the basis that the kids will be 50 50?

I ask because I made that mistake and the kids in reality go to their dads about one night a month…

Yes. I am very fearful of being in this exact position. He has never looked after them 50/50 or some any of the normal routine stuff. This will all be a totally new situation.

How can you stop this from happening though?

OP posts:
onlylovecanhurtlikethis · 31/08/2023 07:51

Id buy in a worse area depending on how "worse" that area is to give them the stability of a home and not all 4 sharing a bedroom especially with true 13 year old heading for GCSEs soon - sharing with 3 siblings would be unfair

Tosca23 · 31/08/2023 07:55

Is there any way your ex will agree to give you more equity for a better living situation for his kids? Have you tried mediation? You may be able to push for 60% if that would improve things for you.

millymollymoomoo · 31/08/2023 09:57

I’m a years time you will have more clarity

aboit whether 50:50 is actually working out
aboit what you need and can live with in terms of housing - space likely to be a real need
about areas
if youre working full time can you not cover rent / bills leaving savings untouched?

Housing prices not likely to increase in next year if anything fall a bit so I think you’d be in a better position not worse both emotionally, and understanding what your ‘priorities’ are
not suggesting long term renting but an interim period to work things out

Original poster
LDA123 · 31/08/2023 10:02

onlylovecanhurtlikethis · 31/08/2023 07:51

Id buy in a worse area depending on how "worse" that area is to give them the stability of a home and not all 4 sharing a bedroom especially with true 13 year old heading for GCSEs soon - sharing with 3 siblings would be unfair

It would never be 3 sharing. It would be 2 boys in one room, 2 girls in another room and me on sofa in lounge.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 31/08/2023 10:02

Don't agree to the 50:50 shared care.

Make him work towards it now to prove he can and will do it and see if the DC are happy with it. Don't be pressured into doing the financial settlement now based on what he says he will do in the future.

He's had long enough to show he isn't interested in shared care already.

Fight for your DC to have the home and support they deserve and the outcome you need to provide it.

Go to mediation and refuse to back down on 60:40 care and then what you need to provide a suitable main home. Let it go to court.

This is based on your other posts. Has he actually said when he is going to start overnights?

Original poster
LDA123 · 31/08/2023 10:04

millymollymoomoo · 31/08/2023 09:57

I’m a years time you will have more clarity

aboit whether 50:50 is actually working out
aboit what you need and can live with in terms of housing - space likely to be a real need
about areas
if youre working full time can you not cover rent / bills leaving savings untouched?

Housing prices not likely to increase in next year if anything fall a bit so I think you’d be in a better position not worse both emotionally, and understanding what your ‘priorities’ are
not suggesting long term renting but an interim period to work things out

I don’t earn enough to cover the rent solely from my wages unfortunately, would have to spend the equity. I am lucky in fixed mortgage period with a very low interest rate at the moment.

OP posts:
JaukiVexnoydi · 31/08/2023 10:05

I would go for (2) and hope to increase earnings and upgrade/extend once smallest DC is in secondary school.

Original poster
LDA123 · 31/08/2023 10:06

RandomMess · 31/08/2023 10:02

Don't agree to the 50:50 shared care.

Make him work towards it now to prove he can and will do it and see if the DC are happy with it. Don't be pressured into doing the financial settlement now based on what he says he will do in the future.

He's had long enough to show he isn't interested in shared care already.

Fight for your DC to have the home and support they deserve and the outcome you need to provide it.

Go to mediation and refuse to back down on 60:40 care and then what you need to provide a suitable main home. Let it go to court.

This is based on your other posts. Has he actually said when he is going to start overnights?

Starting the end of Sep. I have suggested mediation to put a childcare plan in place so we agree to everything first. We won’t even discuss finances until all that is done. But can’t help worrying about it.

OP posts:
YouJustDoYou · 31/08/2023 10:09

I would personally for myself and my kids look at the two different areas and see which benefits them/us the most in terms of location to school/work etc. What's the issue with the "worse" area? Is the "nicer" area nearer to their school/work? Can they walk safely to and from school from either area? Etc.

JaukiVexnoydi · 31/08/2023 10:15

Don't agree to 50:50 under these circumstances. It's not in your children's best interests and it wouldn't actually ever be 50:50 in reality - even if it gets to the point of them spending 50% of nights with him you would still be doing 100% of the parental management, effort etc. Your ex is clearly much better suited to being an EOW dad and if the equity is split appropriately to that you will be able to get a 3 bed in an ok area.

RandomMess · 31/08/2023 10:20

The eldest 2 will have their wants and opinions very much taken into account. So once it's nearing 50:50 care and the novelty has worn off you can better determine what they want, your 9 year old will also be listened to.

I would say that you don't agree to sell for at least a year to let the new arrangements be properly trialed.

When does your fixed rate mortgage run out?

Stay DC centric - the DC need stability of their current home whilst they get used to 50:50, too much upheaval would be to their detriment.

Also you want to see how the paying 50:50 for everything works in reality as well as 50.50 over mental load...

Original poster
LDA123 · 31/08/2023 10:32

We are in fixed period until Oct 2025. 2 issues though (1) Now he is no longer paying any CM I can’t afford to pay the mortgage on my sole wages. I have agreed with the bank interest only for 6 months which I can manage but after that I’m screwed (it is a joint mortgage though) and (2) He is pushing to sell ASAP so he can provide a better home for the kids (e.g. rent a bigger property). As he doesn’t have a job and is running a loss making business (as per last accounts) he needs immediate equity to do this.

Sigh, I just feel no matter what I do it’s going to have a detrimental impact of my kids ☹️. If I accept 50/50 then they will have unsuitable / insecure living conditions when with me. If I push for more equity, then better when with me but possibly worse when with him as he’ll have less equity to spend on rent. I just want what is best for them and gives them the best when with me and with him. All such a nightmare.

OP posts:
LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 31/08/2023 10:33

I went from a four bedroom house in a locally very nice area to a four bedroom in a not so nice area. It was an absolute mess but cosmetic so I knew I could fix it. The kids didn't have to move school, it was closer to transport links and within a few years it was a lovely house in a lovely area. My neighbours were wonderful. One even made the favours for my dds wedding for free. I lived there for 17 years before downsizing. My advice would be to buy as big as you can afford for you and your family, knowing that on a few years things can change. Whatever you do, I wish you luck

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