Housing after divorce

[LDA123]

I potentially have the following options available to me following divorce. 2 boys 13 & 9 and 2 girls 6&11. All similar distance from schools:

(1) Use equity to pay private rent on a suitable property. Based on current earnings / rental prices, equity last about 10 years before running out.

(2) Buy a 2 bedroom place in a nice area with kids sharing and me on sofa bed in lounge.

(3) Buy a very small 3 bedroom place in a worse area.

Kids would be with me 50/50 (new arrangement).

WWYD?

There is a common assumption on here that having the children more of the time results in an automatic larger share of the assets. It doesn’t. Both parents will need a home in which they can be parents. That’s usually homes which are about the same size size in the same area.

Neither will the OP get more equity because she prefers to buy rather than rent.

OP will a prolonged argument about 50:50 child care result in you receiving more CMS? If not, move onto the financial split and get the house sold. Otherwise you run the risk of running up debt to pay a mortgage you cannot afford.

Once you know what share of the capital you will get then look at housing options.

I’m not arguing about 50/50 childcare. I am happy to trial this. He is no longer paying CMS. I think it will be good for the children to see more on their father and for him to play a more hands on role. I know the rough share of capital on a 50/50 basis hence my original question.

It is a nightmare.

After having so little to do with them it's hard to imagine he is suddenly going to step up and co-parent truly 50/50 and actually pay and carry the mental load accordingly.

It seems a lose lose compared to him waiting a few more years and seeing paying maintenance would ultimately still give him a financial return in terms of future share in the house when perhaps he could take on a mortgage.

It would be fascinating to know what has suddenly changed his mind.

Your council may be able to add you to a DIY shared ownership list of such a thing still exists. I had to apply for council housing and then after 6 months they offered me to go into the shared housing list. From there I went the DIY route.

Could you cut your hours to get universal credit to buy you some time? Or you could gamble on selling, renting for a year and house prices potentially falling but may regret it if it all goes the wrong way.

It sounds to me like your ex may be pressuring you at a vulnerable time. I would insist on mediation so you can buy time and get your head straight.

Im not suggesting that you be unreasonable but probably you need 60% equity and only way to get that is mediation and potential threat of court.

His business concerns are not yours. Sounds like he would be better off getting a job if his business isnt making any money. I dont think a court would see that as your responsibility. If he isnt paying maintenance a court may be more likely to rule in your favour but whole process prolonged expensive and painful.

Not sure if its 16 hours or 20 hours some people do so they get universal credit... i think some people actually end up better off financially with this route...

Depends how nice the nice area is compared to the worse area.

Also if it will affect the younger ones getting into secondary school of choice.

I would look at shared ownership if any available in your area or a scheme like Heylo if you have at least 20% to put down without a mortgage(shared ownership but on open market- not just new build. Would enable a better area and possibly a better sized place.

It is all because I asked for a greater share of the equity to buy a family home with an overall 60/40 split but he wants the cash from equity rather than pensions. That is what is driving it. I’m not sure he has given any thought to what is best for the children.

I will look into shared ownership but it seems rubbish as will then have to pay £16k penalty for breaking the fixed term plus I could port mortgage at 1.59% until Oct 2025. My mortgage company won’t accept shared ownership.

Thanks everyone for being here with me, I really appreciate all your comments and advice.

Thats really useful, thank you. Just did a rough calculation and rent could be £1,600 per month on a small 3 bed and buying £400,000 in current area so works out 20.8. In the “better to rent” category then.

@LDA123 maybe in that case buy smaller in good area and maybe look at Heylo etc in oct 25 - it doesn't restrict to new builds or value or income levels, which depending where you are may mean more choice as a lot of standard shared ownerships restrict you to new builds and depends if there are any in your area. The reason it doesn't suit everyone is you don't have a mortgage- but you need 20% plus to put down - more you put down less rent you pay and it has to be freehold. You do share 'gains' though.

I will definitely check out Heylo, thank you!

How much equity is there to solit
what’s the value of pensions?

he might want equity and 50:50 that doesn’t make it a given especially if you are unable to adequately house yourself and the children

akso a 50:50 share of assets may or not be right-we don’t know here - what has your solicitor suggested is an outcome you should he aiming for

do your children want 50:50? What does that look like? A week on/off ? 3/4 days? His much chopping and changing houses? How far apart will you live? I’m all for shared parenting and 50/50 but only when that genuinely works - usually means good go parenting, living within walking distance, flexibility etc. if that’s not going to happen plus your ex picking up responsibility for appointments, pick ups /drop offs to school/friends/sports etc then it’s not right

@LDA123 it works I feel when you've got a decent income and a high deposit but not enough to get a mortgage to a certain level in a chosen area but ideally need to stay in a certain area.

Boys and girls of that age can’t be in same room…and you’d be hard pushed to get 4 beds into any uk bedroom 🤷🏼‍♀️

There is approx £300k equity, £200k pensions and he was paid £90k net redundancy (but not sure how much is left).

Before the change to 50/50 custody, solicitor recommended 60/40 with 95% equity.

Proposing 2 days, 2 days and then EOW. The children would like to see more of him - they think it’s great, late nights, lots of screen time, plenty of 1 on 1 time (he rarely has all 4, shares with parents).

We could live within 20 mins drive of each other and school (with a move).

Sorry are the 200k pensions your exs then and none yours? Sounds like total marital pot is worth 590k. 60% of overall pot may be possible/realistic. I'd be sceptical re solicitors that suggest more.

Sorry but 2 days 2 days then eow with a 20 min drive sounds terrible! So unsettling
i honestly can’t see that lasting long

you should be looking at trying to keep the majority of equity ( what does that mean due housing for you) and he keeps majority of pensions plus he can use his redundancy to rent or for a deposit. Your solicitor seems pretty spot on

Yes sorry - mine is £15k his in the rest. I gave up work to look after the kids / work part time, school boy error.

If I kept a bulk of the equity, I could get a decent 3 bedroom property. I’m working so have a decent mortgage capacity.

He would absolutely never agree though ☹️

If the ex has zero income he is going to need equity share. Taking half the equity wouldn’t make the OP and her children homeless or inadequately housed. She would have £150k

She does need to find out what happened to the redundancy.

Sounds from what you have said that you should be able to keep equity. Imo you should be asking for 354k overall finance wise if pot 590k.

Solicitors letters work for some, but mediation focuses people on agreement if your ex isnt being realistic.

But is it the children’s fault he has zero income? When we decided to have 4 children, he had a professional job with a 6 figure salary. Is it fair to them to live in a 2 bedroom property? For context, they currently live in a 5 bedroom property with own rooms.

Total assets are £590k then. Realistically you are definitely going to be doing more of the parental load so 60:40 is fair. You should have £354k total - £15k of which is your pension fund and all the house equity. He can rent/live with parents until he gets himself employable again. The kids need a proper home, not 50:50 bouncing between two homes that are both too small.

If he wants 50/50 house then make sure you get half the pension pot and his redundancy. How long ago was he paid that and have you had any expensive holidays, newer car or home improvements since then? Even if you don't want to touch his pension use it as a bartering tool to get a higher percentage of the house sale.

Have you actually asked the older children what they want? A court will take their living preferences into account so if they don't want to sleep at dad's new house at all that also might be a leverage you can use. Of course they will want to visit but sleep (and therefore bedroom need)?

I'm in the rent or buy conundrum too. I'm going more for buying than rental as who knows what the rental/landlord scene will be in ten years and after so much uncertainty in my marriage I need control of my life which rental doesn't give me. How bad is the bad area?