How do you know what's best?

[Notthefoggiest]

It's looking likely that my marriage is over so I'm starting to think about the practicalities. All the advice over custody says put the child's interest first, which of course I want to do - but how do you know what that is?

Two DCs, both primary age. StBXH has worked away in the week for pretty much as long as they can remember, so a less that 50:50 split would continue their routine as they currently know it. But, would 50:50 be better for them? Or would shuttling back and forth like that feel too disruptive? How do you know? He doesn't currently have a job close enough to their school to allow it anyway, can we start with one arrangement and then change it? I'm juat overwhelmed by the unknowns and want to do right by the DCs, I just dont know what that is.

We have 50/50 custody and the kids have a bedroom and everything they need at each home. We only live about 5 minutes drive away from their mum so there's no long journeys or anything and both parents live close to the kids schools.

If your STBXH works away a lot it doesn't sound like he could facilitate a 50/50 split unless he's willing to change his working pattern.

Living between 2 homes isn't ideal for any kid although I do agree it's better than living with parents who don't get on.

There may be a bit of trial and error to start with and I think it's fine to give something a go then adapt and change if it's not working. It'll be easier if you and your STBXH are willing to work together for the sake of the kids and there's no point scoring or games.

@Laurdo he says he is willing to change his working arrangements, but doesn't currently have a local job/anywhere to live, so its going to take time to see how that pans out. I'm not convinced this will transpire at all.

How do your organise your 50:50? Do they do a full week at each house and then swap?

Yes, pretty much a week at each house Sunday to Sunday. My DSS is 16 now so he's not as rigid with his days. DSD is 5. She goes to mum's on a Tuesday on our week and comes here on a Thursday on mum's week. This was to facilitate hobbies. Midweek swap over happen at nursery so mum will drop her off and we'll pick her up and vice versa.