Child Maintenance

[Another2022]

But if background - left my wife in Oct 2021. She’s still in the family home (owned outright, no mortgage). We haven’t even started talking about a financial arrangement but should be starting in our second mediation session next week.

I’ve paid maintenance via her bills to a value equal to the CMS calculator since I bought a house in April last year. I was paying more before that as I couldn’t have the kids that much living with my parents.

since getting my place I’ve had the kids 6/14 days (4 under 13 years old). I’d like to have them 7/14 but ex won’t allow it.

My problem is my parents helped my out a bit with money but that money is now running out. After bills I’ve got around £450 (depending on my on call hours and call-outs) which is just about enough to live on keeping around £50/m to save up for big bills like insurance.

My ex won’t let me know anything about her finances so have no idea what money she has after bills. If she insists on maintenance rather than letting me looking after the kids half the time, what can I do? If she wants to keep getting £420/month I’m pretty screwed and it would probably result in me having to sell the house I bought that me and the kids have made a home.

If, after bills we’re left with similar amounts and she won’t let me take more care of the kids (it’s essentially two Sunday nights a month 6pm - school the next morning) would it be reasonable if me to ask not to give her the £420? I’ll still continue to pay for some stuff like her internet, phones and a few subscriptions).

In a bit of a tight spot but don’t want to be a doc about it!

We did do shuttle at her request - cos I’m the bad guy in this story obviously.

It really does seem like court is inevitable doesn’t it. I’ll wait until after the next mediation session - the mediator was very good any I still hold out that, like Vader, she still has some good (well reasonableness in this case) in her!

She’s maybe Vader.

Had the second mediation session last week. She’s still demanding I sign her over the whole house, no compromise. She does, however, realise that she’s got more disposable income than I do and has been buying stuff for the kids and not asking me for money. I’m still paying bills but she’s not asked for more.

I didn’t get the details written down but she’s getting about £2500/month. She’s actually wanting to work less and I assume means to make up the shortfall in more benefits. It means she’s got about £700 more every month than I do (I’ve got a mortgage, car payments and she’s a loan she’s paying back to her parents for work to the house).

The mediator was brilliant and I’d highly recommend it to anyone going through a divorce.

So…I’m going to take it to court as whatever the judge says it won’t just be giving her the house! I’m going to try the court route by myself, hopefully with the help of the teachers and students at the local uni. It’s a pretty straightforward case so hardly complex.

I just want this over now and any control she ever had over me to be gone….but I also don’t want to be taken the piss out off any more than she already has done. The mediation really took it out of me but now planning to get shit done.

@Another2022

go to court you are being played, be prepared to find out it’s been going on for years.

You shouldn’t be paying anything. Try for mitigating circumstances with CMS regarding the house and if that fails, head to court. Self represent to keep costs down, just do as much research as you can.

Any news?

Submitted the court application to formalise arrangements with the kids yesterday. Left it and left it really don’t want to go down this route but she’s been messing around with the kids so need something legal to fall back on. After we have that set in stone we can do finances. Fucking struggle I tell you!