Look for a 2nd opinion on if this is fair

[SSDD1]

Hi all
I want to check if I am over reacting to my current post divorce and settlement situation. I have had legal advice also but I also value the views of others to enable me to make an informed choice on how to proceed.

divorced from my Ex. Separated January 2022. Filed for divorce in April. Agreed through mediation a Financial package and child arrangements (50/50) in June, I agreed to pay my ex £3,500 per month for 4 years starting in October. This left me with £3,650 after paying spousal maintenance. ex also agreed she would get a job to enable her to provide for the children. Sold the house as agreed in mediation in August. She didn’t work and previously only looked after the children ages 4&7. She took all the funds from the sale around 125K once the judge singed off the divorce in October. I had nothing left after mediation and legal fees.

Currently they rent a small 2 bed house. I rent a 3 bed, nothing too fancy. we don’t speak, they now have a new partner who is a regular visitor and in her life a lot as she doesn’t work, This amount was to ensure the children didn’t have to suffer hardship as they moved from a large house, stable situation and private school. She could get a mortgage of 220K to go with the 125K from the sale. A decent house value based on my maintenance payments.

However, following on from our agreement she has moved to buy a 150K house, taken my daughter out of nursery to only be in 2 days instead of the 5 we agreed, Ex has had 7 holidays in 8 months, 5 abroad, is making no effort to get a job and is constantly on holiday or in London on her week away from the children (rents a room in central London as well as the house) as on her weeks off from the children she spends most of it in London or abroad. She is also spending large sums on Botox and fillers and isn’t scared to boast on this to our shared associates.

im feeling very frustrated. I agreed to pay the amount based on the children not suffering. But I see schooling reduced, clothes that are tatty, really poor presentation of them when I collect them and a much worse situation than before for them, However she is “living the best life” in her own words. In my opinion most of the funds are going on her life and the children’s quality when with her is suffering, with no effort being taken to get financial independence or provide stability.

am I over reacting? Or are my concerns valid. I have really tried to be as transparent as I can. Location is the North of England.

on the partner I really hope this person provides her with some happiness and this trickles to the children.

thanks!

Typing on a phone sorry for the spelling errors.

So has she broken the agreement?

Or are you just complaining that you don't like how she chooses to spend her money?

If she's in breech of your financial order you can take her to court. That's why it is legally binding. And yes, on the face of it from what you say, she is taking the absolute piss.

Find how bias MN is towards women absolutely ridiculous.

The woman's behaviour is disgraceful.

Yes she shouldn't be spending all the money on herself at the expense of her kids.

I would personally go back to court and try to get the amount you pay reduced. With kids that age there's no reason why she can't get a job.

Better to hold onto the money and gift your kids things. Or try to get 50/50 custody

Hi. She hasn’t broken the agreement as it was voluntary through mediation. However given the changes and lies told on house value she wanted to buy, children remaining in school/nursery this means her total outgoings are around 1,400 a month less than the budget she suggested, this is straight into her pocket - to be that’s purposely over inflating her costs to have more spending money for herself.

Wow I can’t believe the judge gave her 50pc of your income!!

Sadly I don’t think there’s a single thing you can do about how she spends that money

It is on her how to fund herself when the 4 years are up

Also she will be entitled to benefits on top of that income

Hi
we have 50/50 already, she basically said she wants her own life and I have to have them 50%. So we have no financial incentive around the children.

What is written into your financial consent order? If she has to find a job and isn't doing so, she's breaking it.

Why didn’t you agree to pay the school fees directly?

Was a coke try agreement, she made or rather proposed the funds would be for her house and the children and I agreed to pay so much to ensure they didn’t suffer hardship.

Court advised I can’t write into the agreement she must get a job.

I'm sorry... your child arrangement is 50/50. So you equally share the childcare? She had all the money from house?? So what is this spousal maintenance? Are you paying child maintenance too? why are you paying over 3000 a month? What for? Did you get any money too? I take it if your looking after the children half the time too you are also buying their clothes and nursery fees on top?

If that's all the case no way is that fair.. spousal maintenance never really exists anymore, I don't know any women who has got that? This is taking the mick and I'm pretty sure half the single mothers on here jaw is going to drop! Esp when they provide all care and feed the kids and dress them on 200 a month

You wouldn't be entitled to UC on that much income per month. It is means tested. Child benefit, but that would be it. I'm a single parent and live alone and I bring in way less than 3k but still over the threshold for universal credit.

Should read voluntary

As far as I know she gets Child Maintenance and is attempting to claim PIP

Universal credit is not affected by child maintenance so yes she will be rolling in cash!!!

For two children and herself that’s probably another 1k a month

If there is nothing written into your divorce consent order then you need to go to court and reassess everything. She's taking you for a right mug. I spend my maintenance from my ex husband on my childcare costs and that's it!

Hi
i actually have them for 2 weeks more a year as I have them in half term during her weeks as she demands terms and holiday are split 50/50. No child maintained is paid. I cover all their costs when with me. Inc my childcare for my time.
I gave this much as I didn’t want the children to be impacted by her choice to end the relationship. This might have been naive of me.

I think she really has had you!

She's absolutely taking the piss and you've been done up like a kipper! How on Earth did that much spousal get signed off? I'm stunned. I would take her back to court to be honest. This is a shockingly unfair situation if it is as you describe. Also if you have 50:50 care of the children, you do know that child maintenance isn't payable?

To those who mentioned benefits on top. Child Maintenance is not taken into account in UC applications but spousal maintenance would be considered income. So it is unlikely she'd be able to make a claim. Regardless, she's taking the piss.

I think she has took advantage of how much you truly adore your children and want the best for them.

I do not believe a judge would award her as much as you have given her but I’m pretty sure if you tried to reduce the money she’d take you to court and expect you to fund the battle.

The crazy thing is that my lawyer a barrister and two Judges we discussed this with said this is a good deal as I would on the hook until they are 18.

But is it legally spousal maintenance or can she just say it is child maintenance? How would anyone know the difference if there is no court order

Hi. None is being paid to her. It’s all spousal maintenance.