Look for a 2nd opinion on if this is fair

[SSDD1]

Hi all
I want to check if I am over reacting to my current post divorce and settlement situation. I have had legal advice also but I also value the views of others to enable me to make an informed choice on how to proceed.

divorced from my Ex. Separated January 2022. Filed for divorce in April. Agreed through mediation a Financial package and child arrangements (50/50) in June, I agreed to pay my ex £3,500 per month for 4 years starting in October. This left me with £3,650 after paying spousal maintenance. ex also agreed she would get a job to enable her to provide for the children. Sold the house as agreed in mediation in August. She didn’t work and previously only looked after the children ages 4&7. She took all the funds from the sale around 125K once the judge singed off the divorce in October. I had nothing left after mediation and legal fees.

Currently they rent a small 2 bed house. I rent a 3 bed, nothing too fancy. we don’t speak, they now have a new partner who is a regular visitor and in her life a lot as she doesn’t work, This amount was to ensure the children didn’t have to suffer hardship as they moved from a large house, stable situation and private school. She could get a mortgage of 220K to go with the 125K from the sale. A decent house value based on my maintenance payments.

However, following on from our agreement she has moved to buy a 150K house, taken my daughter out of nursery to only be in 2 days instead of the 5 we agreed, Ex has had 7 holidays in 8 months, 5 abroad, is making no effort to get a job and is constantly on holiday or in London on her week away from the children (rents a room in central London as well as the house) as on her weeks off from the children she spends most of it in London or abroad. She is also spending large sums on Botox and fillers and isn’t scared to boast on this to our shared associates.

im feeling very frustrated. I agreed to pay the amount based on the children not suffering. But I see schooling reduced, clothes that are tatty, really poor presentation of them when I collect them and a much worse situation than before for them, However she is “living the best life” in her own words. In my opinion most of the funds are going on her life and the children’s quality when with her is suffering, with no effort being taken to get financial independence or provide stability.

am I over reacting? Or are my concerns valid. I have really tried to be as transparent as I can. Location is the North of England.

on the partner I really hope this person provides her with some happiness and this trickles to the children.

thanks!

Thank you. good advice.

Yes but in 4 years time she will have no money unless she sorts out a job / career in the meantime. I'm guessing you must be a 6 figure salary if you take home 7 grand a month. In 4 years you'll still be on this - if not more - and it's all yours to keep. You could buy another house quite easily with that kind of salary. Meanwhile, it sounds like she'll have a crap house and very little income. It's not ideal for the children but you can't dictate how she spends her money or lives her life. I think the settlement was fair, bearing in mind that it's only for 4 years. Presumably she's been at home for 7 years enabling you to progress your career. So it does sound fair. But she is being an idiot with money now and I can see why you find that annoying. She'll be broke soon though - and you won't.

Yes this does give me some reassurance. I think she is banking on finding someone with money to then live off. I’m not sure how realistic that is, she is a good looking woman to be fair and can be so kind, she just wasn’t with me at the end. You’re right. I am above 100K. Likely to stay here or decrease slightly in return for my flexible working arrangements, I drop off and pick up 4 out of 5 days a week. Very lucky.