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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Can DIL really demand this ?

59 replies

4seasons · 18/02/2023 13:18

DS and DIL are getting a divorce. He’s moved out of the family home ( mortgage -free) and is renting until divorce is sorted. He’s just taken a weeks holiday to visit a relative who lives in the other side of the world. His wife says he is being frivolous with money ( only paid air fare … stayed with relative) and is now demanding to see his credit card spending . Is she really entitled to do this ? So as not to drip feed … she is very controlling and wealthy in her own right. As part of the divorce settlement he is asking for very , very little. Just wants out basically.

OP posts:
Sunriseinwonderland · 18/02/2023 13:24

She can demand what she wants but's up to your son whether he wants to listen to any of it. I would personally ignore everything she says.

custardbear · 18/02/2023 13:24

Just do anything via solicitor if she's like that as she'll be trying to get all she can against him

hryllilegur · 18/02/2023 13:27

You often have to supply a year’s worth of evidence of your finances as part of a financial settlement for divorce. So it’s not unusual to ask for things.

Nor is it unusual for one party to spend all their savings etc because they want to get more in a divorce. Even where it’s cutting your nose off to spite your face, people can behave really weirdly if they think it’ll get one over their ex.

Rodneyisaplonker · 18/02/2023 13:27

Potentially yes. Did the request come via a solicitor, it is usually part of the settlement process that it needs to be revealed , you can’t deliberately squander money so as not to provide or pay your share

I’d be hesitant to pass judgement as you are op. I’m sure your son isn’t as innocent as he makes out.

PeekAtYou · 18/02/2023 13:30

Has your son got legal representation ? Sometimes one spouse spends loads of money thinking that they can reduce how much the other gets. He doesn't have to listen to her as he can show his bank statements when they negotiate finances.

MelchiorsMistress · 18/02/2023 13:31

He doesn’t have to show her anything unless it’s part of court proceedings.

Bunce1 · 18/02/2023 13:35

She can demand all she likes unless it is court mandated I would ignore.

Keep any text/emails that show her in this demanding/controlling way and forward to solicitor.

TeenLifeMum · 18/02/2023 13:58

My friend’s solicitor advised him to spend spend spend and I’ve since gathered it’s a fairly normal way of preventing a fair settlement so I can understand. Just tell him to speak to solicitor.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 18/02/2023 14:01

MelchiorsMistress · 18/02/2023 13:31

He doesn’t have to show her anything unless it’s part of court proceedings.

This.

rwalker · 18/02/2023 14:05

she can ask when they are sorting financial settlement not randomly to see how much he spends

he need to get what he’s entitled to you don’t mention any kids but if there is he can still have his half just get some of it later

Original poster
4seasons · 18/02/2023 14:21

They both have legal representation. They have also done the financial disclosure . He doesn’t want / has not asked for a share of her wealth. She is still trying to control what he does and who he sees. He is not trying to dispose of wealth … he doesn’t have any ! He has disclosed everything…. savings , shares etc. She is trying to avoid disclosing many properties which she owns whilst trying to get a share of his savings and pension. There are no other people involved …. no OW on the side for example. I am not blinded by a mother’s love … he has genuinely been slowly ground down , not allowed friends . It has been a long time coming and she can not believe he’s had the temerity to leave her !

OP posts:
Bunce1 · 18/02/2023 14:27

Sounds like coercive control which is shocking. I know he must be feeling low but I urge you to help him walk away with a half decent settlement.

Nimbostratus100 · 18/02/2023 14:30

glad to hear your son is out of that situation! I hope things work out well for him. If they both have solicitors, I would just let all correspondence go through them

hryllilegur · 18/02/2023 14:36

He should simply pass the information to his solicitor and get advice on what to do. If they’re done the financial disclosure - and agreed an assets split? - then the thing to do is to make sure it’s all in the court system so they can finish the divorce.

He doesn’t have to engage with any of this crap.

As I said, many people behave like absolute arseholes in the divorce process. Men and women. It can bring out the very worst in people.

2bazookas · 18/02/2023 14:42

If your son intends to claim a divorce settlement from her to him , in court, then perhaps she will respond that he needs no financial support from her as he has plenty of money (citing trip to Aus as an example).

Aleaiactaest · 18/02/2023 14:45

If this is all true, then why does your DS not demand his fair share by law? He should be following his Solicitor’s advice all the way.

MarshaMelrose · 18/02/2023 14:48

Rodneyisaplonker · 18/02/2023 13:27

Potentially yes. Did the request come via a solicitor, it is usually part of the settlement process that it needs to be revealed , you can’t deliberately squander money so as not to provide or pay your share

I’d be hesitant to pass judgement as you are op. I’m sure your son isn’t as innocent as he makes out.

You don't seem that hesitant in passing judgement and you don't even know them. You can't be sure about anything.

TheFormidableMrsC · 18/02/2023 14:56

If there are no children then it should be a 50/50 split of ALL marital assets. I hope he's not going to walk away empty handed.

picklemewalnuts · 18/02/2023 15:17

It would be unwise for him to assume that she'll leave him alone if he doesn't ask for much. There's no such guarantee. Better that he gets a fair settlement- not attempting to take her to the cleaners- just a fair conclusion to their marriage. He made need a bit more than he thinks to set himself up so he's able to avoid her. Legal advice for example.

Saddogmum73 · 18/02/2023 15:18

I really dislike women like this, trying to have control and make sure the person has nothing whilst having their own money. If I was your son I would seek what was rightfully his, this doesn’t mean screwing her over (or trying to) but it doesn’t seem fair that he walks away with nothing

OhNoNotThatAgain · 18/02/2023 15:24

He could always say he'll show her his on condition that she shows him hers.

drpet49 · 18/02/2023 15:32

PeekAtYou · 18/02/2023 13:30

Has your son got legal representation ? Sometimes one spouse spends loads of money thinking that they can reduce how much the other gets. He doesn't have to listen to her as he can show his bank statements when they negotiate finances.

He needs to seek legal advice and claim what is rightfully his share. Don’t let her screw him over.

Original poster
4seasons · 18/02/2023 16:34

Having spoken to him about this issue it would appear that I am more angry about it than him ! Must learn to keep my thoughts to myself . He’s said that everything is being handed over and handled by his solicitor. As he pointed out that is what he’s paying a solicitor for.
A number of people on MN and several friends have commented on him getting a fair settlement but he only wants his share of the house … she paid cash , he had a mortgage on his half …. and some compensation for everything in the house that he’s always paid towards. They always paid 50/50 for everything… so that her capital assets weren’t touched. He wants his freedom … and that is priceless. He’s recently set up accounts to cover both childrens’ university costs …. both at uni.
i am probably over- invested in all of this. I must stop thinking about it or it will drive me nuts. Thanks anyway everyone.

OP posts:
NoDatingForOldMen · 19/02/2023 08:40

MelchiorsMistress · 18/02/2023 13:31

He doesn’t have to show her anything unless it’s part of court proceedings.

This, ^^ bank / credit card statements are private & personal, she can demand all she likes, but has absolutely no right to see them.

sounds like he wants a fair settlement

WandaWonder · 19/02/2023 08:42

He needs legal advice